Songs for a Lost Child

The second one is exquisite aidan, I love it
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Thanks AE - I wanted to let you know I appreciate your comments. I've not been reading as much as I should of other people's writing on here, but I noticed that you've put all your poems together, which will make it easier to catch up, so I'm looking forward to reading them. Hope you have a nice Thanksgiving.

Haunting and lovely.

So tender.

Sunday's child, I saw you today
as you once were-
Sweet and brand new
and wearing warmth like a blanket.
Late summer's gift,
the second son, your star
burned bright
in our mother's eye.

Your name was our charm.
You were the laughter we'd forgotten.
At your cradle we'd watch
as silent dreams stole you from us
and wait, hoping only
for your return.

You came after me, but left before.
Unreconciled to life, you had to fly.
Sweet August boy,
I look for you everywhere,
but I cannot find you-
though I hear your voice
in the sound of words like
good-bye.

Aidan
This is haunting.

You know Endy - I'm so glad you're here. I've been listening to Roseanne Cash - her new album Blak Cadillac is about her feelings about the death of her father, as well as her mother and step mother all during the last three years.

Ive always loved her voice, so I've kept up with her music, and these songs remind me so strongly of my brother and what I felt at his death. I just couldn't accept it - as she sounds on this album as if she can't accept the deaths of all of her parent.

So I've been thinking of my brother so much in the past few weeks.

His death is just something I've never come to terms with - I just can't find any peace in it.
Do you know what I mean?

I keep going back for another look at that incredible photograph. I find it quite disturbing, yet somehow nostalgic.

Sorry Aidan - I posted back before I saw yours. let me read through and get back to you

I know that grief is terrible

I'm so sorry you lost your brother, Aidan
Knowing how personal your pain is, I feel horrible inadequate in responding - especially here where it's so difficult to prove your sincerity, but I am here - if that's any help.

Endy-It is a help. You know, he's been gone fifteen years now, but I still can't think of him without crying. He was just someone I loved knowing was in the world with me.

He was my little brother and we were very close - but he committed suicide when he was twenty. I talked to him three days before he died. I could tell he was feeling sad and I asked him if he wanted me to come up - I was in NC and he was in NJ - but he said no. So I didn't. And then he was gone.

I don't feel like there was anything I could have done and didn't or anything like that - but I just can't ever feel anything but sad about it.

A friend of mine said to me - Jesus, I'd have thought you'd be getting over it by now - but I told her - you know, this has taught me that there are just some things you never get over and that you just always have to feel sad about.

I'm usually okay - but like I said this album by Roseanne Cash has brought it all flooding back because it's just basically about grief that can't be reconciled in any way. And it's funny- I know I shouldn't listen to it - but at the same time I just feel drawn to it.

Anyway - I appreciate your presence - and thanks for listening.

Aidan

You know, I've been hitting the booze pretty hard tonight. I'm scared I'm gona say the wrong thing here and I don't want to do that.
I know you're hurting

I was thinking about your words

I'm sorry your friend said what she did.

Don't feel guilty for still missing him.
Of course you're still thinking about him. You'll never forget.
You'll never get over it. Don't even try. just find a way to live alongside it.

Show your love for him in your art, writing, photography.

Will you be alright tonight, Aidan?

All the best,
Endy

Aidan,
Very beautiful poems.
I am crying, as it is eerie, that I should read these words at this time, and you expressed it perfectly and painfully. Thank you for that.

Endy - I'm fine. I feel bad that I worried you - because I know how it feels to worry about someone. But you don't ever have to worry that I won't be alright. I've become really really good over the years at knowing what I need to do to comfort myself. And my natural inclination (thankfully) is always toward healing and not destruction of myself.

Last night was just a combination of memories and music and the time of year that brought it all flooding back.

I know my friend said that because she was worried about me and didn't know what else to say. She's really a good person - and always there for me- don't think badly of her.

Flushed - I feel bad that I made you sad or cry- unless that's what you needed to do in some way. Take care of yourself, and let me know if I can help in any way.

Endy - one last thought - you have a really calming presence, and obviously are a very compassionate person. I don't know what you do for a living, but you should really think about a career in a helping profession - medicine, teaching, counseling, youth work of some kind- if you're not already doing any of those things.

Of course - that's only if you're so inclined

*Don't mind me - that's just the highschool teacher in me coming out - always assessing strengths and trying to guide people. I do realize you're an adult and don't need me to do that for you, so please forgive me if you find it insulting or intrusive.

Hi Aidan

I understand about your friend - I didn't mean to judge.

You know, that photograph of the tree/house is really something.
It made me think of Cornelia Parker's Exploding Shed which I saw in the Tate Modern and had the same kind of effect on me.

It seems deeply symbolic, obviously for different reasons than it does for you, but for me it signifys something slightly disturbing. I think it would look fantastic blown up and mounted on a gallery wall. Have you ever looked at that possibility?

So, a high school teacher, eh?
Well, (as you've undoubtedly noticed) I missed a lot of school. I did do a bit of English catch-up - but they didn't cover things like haiku poetry - I think you were already expected to know about stuff like that. When I first started posting here I didn't know what a stanza was. My spelling's terrible (I type into word and spell check everything.)
But I do have a lot of life experience. A tutor once told me that counts for a lot.
I remember when I first posted a poem here and I mentioned my lack of schooling, Letty posted back reassuring me and welcoming me. It was one of the best things that could have happened, because writing has become a much needed outlet.

As for your kind suggestion, maybe there will come a day. I've shared some of my experiences with others, which was classed as voluntary work, but right now I'm unable to give anything much - apart from what i write up here. That's not because I don't care - it's because I can only be responsible for myself at this time.

I feel very honoured that you told me about your brother, Aidan.

Peace,
Endy