Glitter Bugs

Forums: Original Writing
Email this Topic • Print this Page

http://starmatt.com/gallery/astro/fireflies.jpg

Fireflies

Fireflies outshine the stars tonight
While the stars are fixed on the black canvas
The fireflies dance around making us smile
Wrapped in each others arms we are in fairyland

Lying here on the blanket of our clothes
Tiny flying lanterns circle our form in the night
Spotlighting our movements in a dance
As our limbs intertwine seeking union

The moon looks down approvingly
Flowers give their intoxicating perfumes
All of nature conspire to heighten our passion
Shadow of tree by moonlight conceals us

Time no longer rules only two people exist
Warm flesh against warm flesh two lips breathe as one
Climactic chorus accompanied by music of the spheres
Peaceful afterglow looking into each others eyes

Whispering into each others ears, a kiss or two
The fireflies are still, fixed like the stars
Depart from our fairyland is hard to do, seeking
The brooks crystal waters to cool our spent fire

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 660 • Replies: 6

No top replies

Breathtaking picture, Angelique. Your poem is very sensual, and evokes a certain image. I would substitute different words for "stars" as the diction fades with overuse of the same word.

Although I don't generally adhere to punctuation rules, your poem would flow better if you indicate to the reader where you want him to pause or move on in an uninterrupted fashion.

Glad to see you writing original stuff. <smile>

0 Replies

I see what you mean Letty. Thanks

Everything I ever posted in this section has being my original writings. It seems people like more the modern free form to the Classical forms of poetry. At least in my case.

0 Replies

Angelique, the most difficult thing in the world to write, is poetry that rhymes. I suppose that is because often, it seems forced. A budding poet ought to try all types, however.

0 Replies

I was reading along, Angelique, and thought it was quite interesting until I came to the line that said...

"The moron looks down approvingly."

My head snapped back and I thought "Where the hell did that guy come from?"

I reread the text and realized my mistake. But it was troubling for a second there.

0 Replies

Letty wrote:

Angelique, the most difficult thing in the world to write, is poetry that rhymes. I suppose that is because often, it seems forced. A budding poet ought to try all types, however.

Your so right Letty Exclamation

That is why I'm always trying different styles in hope I get better. I will keep writing I love it Exclamation

0 Replies

gustavratzenhofer wrote:

I was reading along, Angelique, and thought it was quite interesting until I came to the line that said...

"The moron looks down approvingly."

My head snapped back and I thought "Where the hell did that guy come from?"

I reread the text and realized my mistake. But it was troubling for a second there.

Gus, Gus you have to put your glasses on Exclamation

Now be careful, because a giant bug is waiting for you in your other thread. Cool

Quick, put on your glasses. Laughing

You, you, you had me go and read again to see if it was moron. Razz

0 Replies

Glitter Bugs

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know