History Lesson

Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2005 09:14 am
We were in a boat, you and I,
in the middle of the river, near the water gap
on the Delaware not too many miles north
of the point where Washington had crossed
with his men on Christmas Day more than two hundred years
before. You had pointed this out to me because
you cared about things like that - and because
it was you who was telling me - then I cared too.
I envisioned that famous painting of him
standing in the bow of the rowboat,
snow falling on his shoulders, the
sky and water grey with ice,
his soldiers huddled on the
hard wooden benches
grim and rigid with cold.
He was pointing his finger straight
ahead at the shore and the other
side where the enemy and uncertainty
and death likely waited.

And I was happy I was with you,
in a much smaller rowboat
more than two hundred years later
on just another day in the middle of
September, sun hitting the rocks
and ricocheting back into my eyes,
The trees, their leaves just beginning to turn,
standing like sentries on either side of the
long amber ribbon of water, it was
so clear you could see the sand on the bottom
and seemed to stretch forever before us
just flowing till somewhere up ahead it met the sky
We were just floating, the heat and silence washing through
and over and around us, suspended, we were held
in a moment that promised nothing but peace
and I pointed this out to you
because I cared about things like that -
and because it was me who was telling you-
then you cared too.
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Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2005 09:35 am
cared i was in pared but u just sat there and stared im pretty sure it sure smelt like crap yep i'm sure u craped ur paints i could tell by ur stance then u went in to a trance and when u woke up u realized u never even really cared
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Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2005 07:13 pm
Artillery - you need to be more concrete and less abstract with me. I don't do the whole cowardly "I'm on the internet, and I'm anonymous, but I still only have the courage to ridicule in an insinuating way while I beat around the bush and never come out and say what I feel is the truth- especially not under a legitimate screen name" behavior that is so common and just really, really boring. You have to spell it out for me - so just tell me - does this mean you don't like my poem? Because if you don't that's okay - you can tell me - take my word for it - I'll be able to take it.
(And by the way - how does someone "crap their paints"- and if I knew who you were, I could tell you if I ever really cared or not.)

*honestly - this is not one of my favorites either-just an exercise- as they all are. I'm working on learning how to take criticism so even if I don't know what the hell you just said means, I think I can safely assume it's negative - so in your own weird way- you've helped me - thanks for taking the time.
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Reply Wed 9 Nov, 2005 09:43 pm
I liked your poem, Aidan. Actually, I do think it one of your best.
But I loved your response to criticism better. It gave me a little electric thrill to read it. Right on.

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Reply Wed 9 Nov, 2005 09:55 pm
I like it! excellent imagery...
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Reply Thu 10 Nov, 2005 12:42 pm
Carlotta - thanks for your input on my poem- I appreciate your opinion. I just reread my response to artillery - I guess I had a pretty short fuse that day, huh? It wasn't a response to criticism so much as a response to his/her cryptic communication that didn't seem to make sense in any way.

Iduru - thanks for your comment as well.
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