todays assignment

A man walked into a New York City hardware store carrying a pet monkey. Without warning the monkey defecated onto the man's shoulder. The man grabbed a #2 Phillips screwdriver and jabbed it at the monkey, but it dodged the assault and escaped through the open transom over the Paint Room door. It now lives happily just outside the Children's Zoo in Central Park, cadging bits of food from passersby who think he is part of the zoo's entertainment. His former owner bought a cat.

Joe(The cat is the tragic part)Nation

bonus points for joe, he managed both topics in one post

One of the most famous Manhattan monkey walkers was seen recently defecating at Tiffany's jewelry store. When asked by the police why he did it, he replied "my girlfriends choice of rings gave me diarrhea.

Here's a monkey story for you............

"During the Napoleonic Wars there was a fear of a French invasion of Britain and much public concern about the possibility of French infiltrators and spies.

The fishermen of Hartlepool fearing an invasion kept a close watch on the French vessel as it struggled against the storm but when the vessel was severely battered and sunk they turned their attention to the wreckage washed ashore. Among the wreckage lay one wet and sorrowful looking survivor, the ship's pet monkey dressed to amuse in a military style uniform.

The fishermen apparently questioned the monkey and held a beach-based trial. Unfamiliar with what a Frenchman looked like they came to the conclusion that this monkey was a French spy and should be sentenced to death. The unfortunate creature was to die by hanging, with the mast of a fishing boat (a coble) providing a convenient gallows.



In former times, when war and strife

The French invasion threaten'd life

An' all was armed to the knife

The Fisherman hung the monkey O !

The Fishermen with courage high,

Siezed on the monkey for a French spy;

"Hang him !" says one; "he's to die"

They did and they hung the monkey Oh!

They tried every means to make him speak

And tortured the monkey till loud he did speak;

Says yen "thats french" says another "its Greek"

For the fishermen had got druncky oh!

-----------------------------------------



Hammer his ribs, the thunnerin thief
Pummel his pyet wi yor neef!
He's landed here for nobbut grief
He's aud Napoleon's uncky O!
Thus to the Monkey all hands behaved
"Cut off his whiskers!" yen chap raved
Another bawled out "He's never been shaved",
So commenced to scrape the Monkey, O!
They put him on a gridiron hot,
The Monkey then quite lively got,
He rowl'd his eyes tiv a' the lot,
For the Monkey agyen turned funky O!.
Then a Fisherman up te Monkey goes,
Saying "Hang him at yence, an' end his woes,"
But the Monkey flew at him and bit off his nose,
An' that raised the poor man's Monkey O!

In former times, mid war an' strife,
The French invasion threatened life,
An' all was armed to the knife,
The Fishermen hung the Monkey O!
The Fishermen wi' courage high,
Seized on the Monkey for a spy,
"Hang him" says yen, says another,"He'll die!"
They did, and they hung the Monkey O!. They tortor'd the Monkey till loud he did squeak
Says yen, "That's French," says another "it's Greek"
For the Fishermen had got drunky, O!
"He's all ower hair!" sum chap did cry,
E'en up te summic cute an' sly
Wiv a cod's head then they closed an eye,
Afore they hung the Monkey O!."

.........and here's what happened in Hartlepool recently.


http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/1965569.stm

<wild applause>

for both the topic and the replies





















and also a bookmark

Todays Assignment 11/07/05

review and discuss the folowing statement

"if wishes were horses, all rides would be free"

Nobody defacted in teh shop but there was a kid that threw up in a shop I worked in a few years back.

there were twins across the aisle on the flight to india. take off from boston, land in paris (can't leave the plane), take off from paris, land in new delhi... twins barfed into those paper bags at each takeoff and landing... it was very charming.

My monkey was misbehaving one time in a store, so I took him into the bathroom and administered a severe spanking.

I think he learned his lesson.

If wishes were horses, I would have stables all over the world. I would give them all my personal attention, making sure they had everything they needed to flourish, and bring happiness to others. The rest of the world would look at them with admiration. My heart overflowing with love would decree that all the rides would be free. After their inspiring ride, they would have the confidence to make their dreams come true.

If horses had wishes (and indeed they do), nobody would get a ride.

good answer piffka

Haha, djjd62, thanks. That's straight from the horse's mouth. One of my animal companions is a somewhat cranky mare known as "The Pearl" who sees no sense in bit, bridle, saddle and rider.

"if wishes were horses, all rides would be free"


I thought I remembered my Nana J saying it differently, "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride." It was a way of saying, "Wish all you want, but there's very little hope of any of it coming true."
Still we did wish.
We wished for snow on days that school reports were due.
We wished the rain to stop falling on our little beach at the lake.
Oh, and we wished that Janice Ford's father would smile more when he saw us together on his front porch swing.
We wished that songbird would repeat his tune till we could learn to whistle it.
We wished for an easy pitch when we were at bat and a pop fly when we were standing in left field.
We wished for a cloud to pass over the sun for a minute or two when we were baking ourselves red on the shores of Rocky Neck.
We wished we could remember the names of the two blond girls who laughed so brightly at the Rec dances that summer of '64.
We wished for cars to stop when we were hitchhiking through Vermont's mountains.
We wished we hadn't decided to carry our typewriter with us on the road.

We wished that Jackie Curtain hadn't been shot through in a little green place on the map far away. And we wished it had been us until we told our mother that and then we wished we hadn't said anything at all.

We wished we had stayed that night. We wished we hadn't stayed so long at Howard Johnson's or had that second Black Cow. We wished we'd let BettyAnn talk us out of leaving.

and oh we wished for love.
and oh we wished for peace.

and oh sometimes all we wished for was a little, just a moment, of sleep.

===
We wished,
and every single wish we wished
spun through the air,
a horsehair on the wind.
Sometimes it would tie a knot to truth,
but more often
it would fly up out there
to be sewn into the mattress of the songbird's nest.

Joe(Tie a wishknot on your finger with a horsehair)Nation

mad magazine used it as part of a longer poem years ago, the stanza was,

if wishes were horses, all rides would be free
if cronkite were brinkley, we'd watch nbc

Todays Assignment

if you had three things, name them