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This Mountain is Yours

 
 
stuh505
 
Reply Sat 5 Nov, 2005 05:12 pm
It's been a long time since I posted any poetry here...probably about a year, but this one just came to me. What do you think?

------

This Mountain is Yours

This land is our land.
From the earth between my toes,
to the sea between your knees.

Seasons may come and go.
The leaves change color,
and our crops we will sew.

But always,
standing tall above the trees,
a rocky peak stands firm --
this mountain is yours.

And ever,
beyond the golden fields,
and bedsheets,
in the shaded valley,
where the sun doesn't shine --
that valley is mine.

I let your waves lap
at the unyielding stone,
and my marble cliffs
nibble at your fertile breasts.

I'll take care of what is yours,
and you'll take care of what
is mine.

but don't forget:
you're up here,
and I'm up here.

On our temples
in the clouds,
my finger rests.
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AngeliqueEast
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2005 05:51 am
Re: This Mountain is Yours
stuh505 wrote:
It's been a long time since I posted any poetry here...probably about a year, but this one just came to me. What do you think?

------

This Mountain is Yours

This land is our land.
From the earth between my toes,
to the sea between your knees.

Seasons may come and go.
The leaves change color,
and our crops we will sew.***

But always,
standing tall above the trees,
a rocky peak stands firm --
this mountain is yours.

And ever,
beyond the golden fields,
and bedsheets,
in the shaded valley,
where the sun doesn't shine --
that valley is mine.

I let your waves lap
at the unyielding stone,
and my marble cliffs
nibble at your fertile breasts.

I'll take care of what is yours,
and you'll take care of what
is mine.

but don't forget:
you're up here,
and I'm up here.

On our temples
in the clouds,
my finger rests.



*** Is "sew" the word you want or "sow"?
0 Replies
 
stuh505
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2005 02:14 pm
I think you know the answer to that!
0 Replies
 
AngeliqueEast
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2005 02:24 pm
stuh505 wrote:
I think you know the answer to that!


Not really. The poems moves from the earth to what seems love, and two people. I don't pretend to understand fully your symbolism. Symbolism to me is a personal thing, and not the same with everyone. It was a sincere question.
0 Replies
 
stuh505
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2005 05:07 pm
I did mean sow, thanks for correcting me.

I am talking about people the whole way through, I just thought that it would be interesting to try to describe people by using land-forms.

What parts don't you understand?
0 Replies
 
AngeliqueEast
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2005 05:17 pm
stuh505 wrote:
I did mean sow, thanks for correcting me.

I am talking about people the whole way through, I just thought that it would be interesting to try to describe people by using land-forms.

What parts don't you understand?


Thank you for clarifying that. Thats why I was not sure which one you meant. I think it's a good idea. But, I think you should have intertwined them together. The way you did it, the land comes first then the people. Do I make any sense to you?
0 Replies
 
AngeliqueEast
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2005 05:40 pm
Stanza five is what I mean. This is one of the better stanzas of the poem.

"I let your waves lap
at the unyielding stone,
and my marble cliffs
nibble at your fertile breasts."
0 Replies
 
stuh505
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Nov, 2005 06:18 pm
Quote:
Thank you for clarifying that. Thats why I was not sure which one you meant. I think it's a good idea. But, I think you should have intertwined them together. The way you did it, the land comes first then the people. Do I make any sense to you?


The idea was to make the reader think that they were reading about nature before realizing that it was actually about people, and then realize what the previous lines actually meant if they hadn't already.

The second stanza is kind of a stretch...it's the only one that doesn't mean a whole lot, perhaps that we will be together for a long time, or that we will have children together. The primary purpose of that stanza is to mislead the reader at first though!

The third and fourth stanzas are where it starts to get sexual...the references are obvious! The idea was that our bodies are most cherished by each other rather than ourselves, as echoed by stanza 6.

Stanzas 7 and 8 were meant to remind that WE are not our bodies, what we are is really just the inside part...our minds...which is why I point to the temple (the forehead) which is above the clouds, meaning that it is beyond the earthly portion (our bodies)
0 Replies
 
Beena
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Nov, 2005 10:59 am
It seems to me you're talking about the earth and people. Earth's relationship with people and peoples' relationship with the earth. Like when you say -
"I'll take care of what is yours,
and you'll take care of what
is mine"

It's like you're saying - earth I'll respect you and so do you.
0 Replies
 
 

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