Separated-Can he date?

Legal? sure.

Useful to know for divorce proceedings? absolutely.

Grlhwood--

These days there are two kinds of separations: Separations to work on a marriage and Separations to work on a divorce.

My guess is that your husband saw no possibility of saving the marriage and was eager to begin experimenting with life as a Recycled Bachelor.

From "DivorceNet":




http://www.divorcenet.com/states/florida/florida_grounds_for_divorce

Adultery is no longer grounds for divorce which means that dating--whether chaste dating or wild passionate affairs--aren't either.

Are the two of you living together now?

Noddy,

Yes, sort of, he doesn't have a residence of his own. He sleeps home sometimes or at mother's or sister's house. If he is still home, wouldn't it be adultery or something like it. I know he hasn't seen a lawyer, it's like he has the cake/icing and is eating it!

Why are you trying to prove he went on dates?

I'm not trying to prove it, he's told me. I want to know if we do go for a divorce if it would be helpful for my case to have it documented. He's not going to admit it if it hurts him. Believe me this is very hurtful to me and maybe I'm being a little vengeful? I don't know, I just think if he hasn't filed for divorce and (I believe) Florida does not have legal separation. So where does that leave me? Wouldn't it be considered adultery?

I'm just wondering what you're trying to accomplish. Getting more $$?

After reading Noddy's post and also reading up on Florida divorce law, the fact that your husband went on dates seems moot. Adultery is not a cause for divorce in the State of Florida and to say he was adulterous (or to even prove he was adulterous by way of a PI) would mean nothing of legal standing when being granted a divorce. In other words, I doubt a judge would even care.

If he is playing the field, sowing his wild oats, coming back to your home ever so often, why do you put up with it? Why don't you pack his belongings and set them on the doorstep and let him know he is no longer welcome in what was once your marital home? Have you thought about filing for divorce yourself?

You are allowing yourself to be trod upon and the only person who can stop the trodding is you.....

Thank you for your advice. No I don't want to prove it for money, he doesn't have that much. I guess I'm a massochist. I really don't know why I want to prove it. I'm not filing because I still want my marriage. I guess I'm holding on to something that I don't really have anymore. Thank you Lady J, you're right I'm letting myself get walked on for no reason. I allow him to come back because he really has nowhere to go. He gives me 1/2 his paycheck, so I figure it still 1/2 his house, eventhough he was the one to walk out. I'll just wait until he files.

Grlhwood: It sounds as though your almost-ex is bragging,and wanting to rub your face in the fact that he's getting on with his life. You can certainly be the one to file for the divorce.
Irreconcilable differences is a legal catch-all,that allows for divorces,with out specifying embarassing details.
Check with your nearest legal-aid society,borrow the money from family,do whatever it takes to get things moving. You and your spouse should make written lists of who wants what of the marital possessions,etc,and make as quick and clean break as possible.

Grlhwood: Why should he file ? He has all the goodies,but none of the responsibility. Pardon my ,er,language,but if he thinks he has a right for
"marital relations" with you because he lives part-time there, please require him to get regular testing for STD's. If you insist on living this kind of life,at least take some steps to protect yourself.
Also,you would be well-advised to get counseling for yourself,to find out why you need to let this bird walk on you.

Thanks all for your replys,

You're all right, I'm letting myself get trod on (Lady J), we are not having marital relationships, but I, pretty much have all of the parental responsibility. I just spoke to him now & he said he's going out. I'm living in S. Broward in Fl. we haven't had elec. for 5 days... I told him if I knew another paernt were around I would fly to my sister's house (she's got elec., but lives 15 miles away), so I need someone in the vicinity to be a parent. I'm having cabin fever right now!!..I would love to just leave..but my responsibilities prevent from doing it. I just think this is just so unfair.....Both my kids want to stay in the area b/c their friends are hear...understandable...I just need another parent...

Grlhwood: How badly were you hit by Wilma ? As best you can,stay in your home,or home city. You and the kids both need the emotional security of your own home,if it is safe to live there after Wilma. If you have safety concerns,tell the kids you and they are going to your sister's house for a "vacation" and you'll come back when the storm damage is fixed. Your"husband" is obviously not
really concerned about you & kids. Pleeeeease,
think better of yourself. You want to crawl into a hole and hide from life,now,but the best revenge you can get on your spouse.is to get on with your life for the sake of yourself and the kids. You don't want the kids to think that all men are as badly behaved as "daddy" is. Counseling doesn't have to be expensive. you can probably find cheap,or free help,by looking in the phone book. You must get over your need to be trod upon by this guy.
Bless you:)

Take the kids and visit your sister until the electricity comes back on.

A change is as good as a rest--and you need a rest.

Linda,
We didn't get hit that bad...other no electricity...my back yard is decimated..but nothing hit the house. It's just so sad (in my heart)to sit there w/ my son and watch the storm hitting w/o him. The trees were crazy...right now everything is crazy..no trees.. no everything. I stayed in line today for 2 1/2 hours for gas, while my son (14y/o) pushed the car..you know, where's my husband of 15 yrs? This is crazy...I don't know how to deal w/ it. I know my kids know this is not normal..my daughter is @ her friends, who has a generator, but I'm still sitting around w/o elec. Yes, Noddy, I used go to my sister's houwe, but my kids (understandably) don't want to their friends are here and they don't want to leave. My sister lives in Kendall about 15 miles away, ( I live in Hollywood East about 1 mile away from the beach). I don't want to displace them. So much stuff within so little time. At this point I'm thinking of just taking them to some amusement park in central FL. Thanks for the advice....

grhlwood--

I don't mean to sound brutal, but right now you are in charge--or should be--not your kids.

Right now you have to be nice to you. Your "husband" doesn't care. Kids shouldn't be parents for parents.

Can you get away for an afternoon? Make sure your kids are safe or take them with you, but put yourself first.

Your husband wrecked the life you thought you had. Wilma wrecked your yard. No one can wreck you unless you let them.

Hold your dominion.

Thanks Noddy,

You're right, but at this point I think I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I haven't workede in a week, b/c of Whilma, while he's been working and playing. I just feel that there should be the other parent shouldering some of this burden. He thinks ( he sais) "I've been working like crazy I'm going to go out" that's nuts to me...he doesn't think I've been working to keep the kids from going "cabin fever"? He's not answering my phone calls...so it feels like I have no one to vent on. I probably shouldn't be calling him to vent, but it seems that lately all I can do is complain to him. I wish it were different....

Grlhwood--

You're certainly entitled to feel sorry for yourself. Your family world has been completely disrupted,



Vent here--not to your soon-to-be-Ex. He deserves the bitching, but at the same time, you've got to realize that the world you inhabited for 15 years has been completely destroyed by your domestic hurricane.

Bitching to him is not going to help you grow. Bitch here. Call your sister. Nag your soon-to-be-Ex about getting a place of his own.

Do something this weekend for yourself--not for the kids.

Hello,

Well I'm back to work..thank GOD! I won't be getting a very big check, but at least I'm here now. Well we finally got electricity yesterday afternoon. Whew...what a relief. I ended up taking the kids to a hotel on the beach that got electricity on Saturday, so we were able to take a mini vacation. My husband is still acting the fool..I was really sad on Halloween, since our house is legendary for our parties and haunted houses we've made through the years. It's a special holiday for us..and I sat by myself in a hotel room. He took my son out w/ him and my daughter was at a friends. Oh well I guess I'll just get used to it. This holiday season is going to be brutal. I'm glad I have friends here to talk to. Thank you all.

Grlhwood--

Transistions are always hard, but you're starting to find your feet.

Having electricty will be a big help. It isn't easy having your marriage fall apart by candlelight.

Hold your dominion.