a Modern model for human sexuality

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I think it would be great to hear what other people see as the prevailing model of sexuality in society today. A few decades back the model looked something like this (very simplified version) : Boys were encouraged to kiss (etc) girls. Girls were told not to allow boys to kiss (etc) them. This obviously created mental tension between boys and girls. Thus we had a model that indirectly encouraged rape. The most widely accepted model today would have us believe that sex is an object that can be traded much like buying groceries. Thus we are to believe that sex is a commodity. There is no room for emotions such as love, respect etc, only physical pleasure. What do you think about this? Any possible suggestions for a new model of sexuality will be greatly appreciated.

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Re: a Modern model for human sexuality

jnkie wrote:

Boys were encouraged to kiss (etc) girls. Girls were told not to allow boys to kiss (etc) them.

Exactly!!How confusing is that.

Ive worked out that guys will do anything to get a girl to sleep with him but as soon as she does she is labeled a whore, usually by the guy.
Again I think it comes down to control and religion.

Women cant have sex because they can get pregnant and then everybody will know what she has been up to and in the past sex outside of marriage was a sin, therefore guil sets in.
Men can do it whenever they like and walk away.

I think it would be nice if we could all just realise that sex is enjoyable and people do it because they want to.
Men arnt better than women and (once us women get our revenge of being suppressed for centuries) we will accept that we are no better than men.

It does seem that couples go straight into sex and forget about the courting and talking, getting to know each other side of things.
I dont think alot of people know how to handle talking to the other gender, we may get sued for sexual harrasment if an innocent comment is taken the wrong way.

Anyhoo, those are my simplistic wafflings.Im sure its deeper than that and there is alot more to say but I think thats what it boils down to.

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Re: a Modern model for human sexuality

jnkie wrote:

The most widely accepted model today would have us believe that sex is an object that can be traded much like buying groceries. Thus we are to believe that sex is a commodity. There is no room for emotions such as love, respect etc, only physical pleasure. What do you think about this? Any possible suggestions for a new model of sexuality will be greatly appreciated.

It is? The last I heard, sex was about the give and take of pleasure with someone. Some times, there is great love. Sometimes, friendship. Other time, only pleasure. Why do you feel the need to streamline the most beautiful and remarkable act? Why must you create a label for it? Or for those who do it? We don't need a "model" for sex. That's the problem. Sex is sex. Just because you don't believe in sex without love doesn't make it wrong just as much as it doesn't make it right. It just is. Lets drop the gender roles and sexual behavior expectations.

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"New model of sexuality"?

I think today more than ever before many people are confused about sexuality. This is a very difficult question.

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AngeliqueEast wrote:

"New model of sexuality"?

I think today more than ever before many people are confused about sexuality. This is a very difficult question.

Angelique is right, which is why there should be no model at all. Let nature take it's course.

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Re: a Modern model for human sexuality

jnkie wrote:

There is no room for emotions such as love, respect etc, only physical pleasure.

Let me have a very different point of view...

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Re: a Modern model for human sexuality

Francis wrote:

jnkie wrote:
There is no room for emotions such as love, respect etc, only physical pleasure.

Let me have a very different point of view...

I too believe that there is room for respect, love etc...

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I totally agree there is room for respect and love.
Ive found most people have to go through the naffness of being treated badly, to then grow up a bit and others grow up, in order ot become the kind of people that then love and respect others.

Sadly the naffness has been ground into me since my younger days, but Im more than aware as I get older there are good guys out there.

Sex is just sex if you want it to be but few relationships can go by without somebody having an opinion on them.
I dont know if its just in my neck of the woods but where I live 2 people cant get together without there being a fanfare the next day advertising it to everybody by certain people.
Its almost like it has to be entertainment for everybody, not the people it involves.
Hence me missing out on opportunities because I know im going to be humiliated the next day. I will be humiliated, NOT the guy.

As you say, its totally normal so why cant people just do it without being judged.

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Actually, the question by jnkie was about the prevailing model of sexuality in society today and not how sexuality is lived.

This isn't easy to answer - if at all - unless we barrow this question to countries, societies, etc..

I think, I have some difficulties even to describe this for Germany. (And that although I taught "sexuality" both at schools/youth centers as at university :wink: )

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The prevailing model of sexuality in society today?

I would say, men and women have equal sexual
freedom today and therefore choose their partners
based on love, compatibility and mutual respect, as
opposed to one part being suppressed while the other
can experience his sexuality freely.

Today, I believe, a balance is achieved that benefits both men
and women.

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I can't believe that Slappy, Kicky, and/or Gus haven't discovered this thread.

The mind boggles at the possible responses....

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Well, there never was or will be an over-arching prevailing model...they will always be spatially localized as with all aspects of society. Even within the US, this can vary a great deal from state to state and even town to town.

I think that overall CalamityJane's description is correct. However, there are also a lot of other new models which have emerged...for one, people have become much more sexually open. Gayness, boobs, bare legs are not hidden anymore. I think kids are becoming comfortable about the concept of sex earlier, although not understanding it or enjoying it earlier.

I think that the fact that hardly anybody waits for marraige to have sex anymore is an indicator that it has become viewed less sacred by society.

I think you'll find a lot more young girls who are more open to share their bodies around these days...

but at the same time, there are fundamental personality properties of men and women that have roots deeper than the current trends of society, these are the traits that differentiate the woman's mind from the man's mind...and they still greatly affect the current model's of sexuality.

People are driven by their natural urges, and their natural urges steer society's pressure.

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Sorry to burst your bubble jinkie, but that model of a few decades ago never really existed except in some repressed television network producers mind.

The ones who produced the Donna Reed Show, Leave It To Beaver, the Andy Griffith Show etc.

Women were having and enjoying sex back then with the same drive as today.

My first husband was a teen back in the 50's and when I asked him how long you waited until he would have sex with a girl, he said, "oh after the 2nd or 3rd date."

I've spent enough time with the family and friends of my current husband, who range anywhere in age from 50 to 70 to know that sex was regulary practiced and enjoyed with and without marriage.

I have rolled on the floor howling with laughter as my 70 year old sister in law relating how she would keep from getting caught having a grand old time. And this is NOT with the someone she married.

May I ask how old you are?

I ask because it seems the younger one is, the more you tend to think that people past 40 have any sex drive at all.

I really got a kick out this young girl, maybe 16, educating me how sexual mores have changed during her lifetime.

I told her, well, I grew up in the 70's, which meant knowthing to her.
So I explained that's when condoms, pot, BC pills, cocaine and booze was available and mostly cheap, AND their was no such thing as AIDS.

Sorry, but your scenerio is not only oversimpliefied, but never even existed.

As the old saying goes....Nothing new under the sun.

What people say they do and what goes on behind closed doors are 2 different worlds.

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Re: a Modern model for human sexuality

jnkie wrote:

I think it would be great to hear what other people see as the prevailing model of sexuality in society today. A few decades back the model looked something like this (very simplified version) : Boys were encouraged to kiss (etc) girls. Girls were told not to allow boys to kiss (etc) them. This obviously created mental tension between boys and girls. Thus we had a model that indirectly encouraged rape. The most widely accepted model today would have us believe that sex is an object that can be traded much like buying groceries. Thus we are to believe that sex is a commodity. There is no room for emotions such as love, respect etc, only physical pleasure. What do you think about this? Any possible suggestions for a new model of sexuality will be greatly appreciated.

How many decades was that? Did you read this somewhere? The only thing this is missing is the facts. Cool

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I want to thank all those who replied to my original question. To those who have questioned my facts please obtain and read the following text : "What's wrong with rape?" written by Pamela Foa. She is a highly respected philosopher.

What you need to bare in mind that the model I described was/is the prevailing model. This does not mean that it applies to everyone in society, only that it is the model most likely to describe societies view of human sexuality.

I also think most people misunderstood my question. I want to know what you think the prevailing model of sexuality is in society today. I think that sex is being objectified (again this does not apply to everyone). In this modern age everything is being advertised with sex, why? If we are really so enlightened about sex, why does sex still sell?

As to my age (as requested by some), I am a 26 year old student of philosophy at the NorthWest University of South Africa.

I cant wait to hear your thoughts... Very Happy

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'Whats wrong with rape?'
My God, what a scary title for a book, especially written by a woman.

Things are advertised with sex because sex is fun and makes us feel good.If you feel, look, act sexy then surely life should be happier.

I had to laugh when I heard a few years back that a study had been done where the outcome concluded that if you had sex when you were younger(Im asuming/hoping above the legal age of consent), you had more confidence!!
My God, i could have told them that for a fiver!!Why did the have to study it.
If you made to feel good about yuorself/your body surely your gona have more confidence!

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The title does sound scary, but in fact it is very informative. It does not condone rape, it merely explains (or attempts to) why rape occurs (due to societies model of sexuality) and why the victim of rape is also persecuted by the public.

If you have read the Foa text and would like to know more I can recommend the following as well : "Morality and human sexuality" by Vincent C. Punzo and also "Plain sex" by Alan H. Goldman.

I would also like to clarify something. A model of sexuality is not something you work out in your office and then force people to adhere to, it is the natural way in which society views sex and all thing sexual. The task of the philosopher is to identify this model and to try and explain why this is the model and then to try and suggest a better/improved model.

lastly, I think sex sells because people are still shocked by it. It draws your attention and keeps it. Because deep down most people think: "I should not be doing this, but I am enjoying it." Would like to explore this some more, but I have a lecture to attend. Will be back shortly...- Laughing

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Victim being persecuted by the public-This reminds me of a wedding I went to with friends.
I jokingly said 'I need to go to the loo but I dont want to leave my drink unattended beacuse Im worried about rohipnol(date rape drug)'.
My friend(who was a bit tiddly)replied'Haha you wish!'.

Like being raped would mean tht someone at least found me attractive!!It was all meant jokingly but clearly in bad taste from us both.

Why do people think they should not be having sex?Who was it that said we shouldnt?Again i think it is the control of religion, to make us feel bad about enjoying things.We must suffer as Jesus suffered, he died for us etc.

Again I have to laugh when our aw in the UK says we can have sex at 16 but we cant watch movies with heavy sex scenes til we are 18!!How ironic is that.

It sometimes seems watching sexual things is better than actually doing it.The fantasy is better than reality.

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I fully agree that most sex laws are not grounded in reality and only serve to further complicate an already complicated topic. As for rape victims, the sad reality is that society does judge them. Because of the aforementioned model of sexuality (Foa explains it in much more detail) most people believe (on a subconscious level at least) that the victim either had it coming (because of clothing etc) or that she/he had to enjoy it and is therefore a dirty whore.

As for us not being allowed to enjoy sex. I think we should enjoy it fully, but I do not think that sex can be satisfying if there is no emotional involvement. Also as a Christian I do not believe that pre-marital sex is wrong, but I do believe that there needs to be a deep emotional connection between the partners. Because sex is the ultimate joining of two selfs to form a new self.

How can I as Christian accept pre-marital sex as ok? Well I believe that marriage in the legal sense is man made and not some form of Divine intervention. Also I seriously doubt the origin of most of the so called sex laws in the Bible. Why would God make it so pleasurable and then tell us that your not supposed to enjoy it or actually practice it at all except in certain situations and then only for certain purposes (pregnancy)?

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Hoorah for having such a great view on pre marital sex.
I too believe that marriage is man made.Sex is a totally human want.I agree there its better with emotional involvement..

It seems more women are raped than men, therefore I reckon there is judgement because women are supposed to not enjoy sex and if they get it in any form they 'must have asked for it'.
But I bet if it were men who were raped more (maybe they are raped as much but dont report it because of its own male stigma)then I reckon societies view on it would change.
the law would change too.There would be harsher punishments.

I have often wondered about the clothing issue.
Apparently thongs are sexy, if you are showing off a thong then 'she was asking for it'.
What if a 25 stone woman (im not implying that all big people are unattractive)was wearing a thong, would she then be thought of as sexy and a target?

We women have curves and wobbly bits that guys like, basically, we look lovely and feminine.Something we cant and shouldnt disguise.We are women as men are men.

I was thinking the other day,if a guy is wearing a nice outfit which makes him look manly/attractive, his butt looks cute in those trousers, the colour brings out his eyes etc
is he then a rape target, by either women or men???
Over recent years women in the workplace have had to think about what they wear at the office.Why is it wrong for women to dress like women but ok for men to dress like me?

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a Modern model for human sexuality

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