Who did you want to be like?

But, regardless of what I said earlier, I really do want to be just like gusratzenhofer when and if I grow up.

Lucy Ricardo springs to mind. In fact, I think I've achieved that in many ways.

Now...if I could just find an appropriate "Ricky" and a couple of "Fred and Ethel" type neighbors...I could be happy for the rest of my life.

Mr Streeb-Greebling, or was it Greeb-Streebling?

History Tutor at Eton.

Always drunk, oodles of money and more than a passing interest in young fillies.

Every day, in every way, I try to emulate this great man. As many times as possible, in fact.

Joeblow said:

" I never deliberately tried to emulate her growing up. I was far too self absorbed for that. It wasn’t until I had a child of my own to care for that I began to make deliberate decisions about what I would keep, and what I would kick to the curb."


She sounds great!!!!!


That comment is fascinating.


I work with kids, many abused in various ways by the people closest to them.

Most often, there is an absent or semi absent father, often violent, emotionally abusive, or just emotionally IGNORANT, and a traumatised mother who can't sort the damn male goats from the sheep worth a good goddamn, and compromised in her ability to care.


Usually, the boys worship the father.

I am always trying to help kids see the reality of parents, (and parents to be able to deal enough with their own crap to actually give the child some real nurture and structure) see the underlying good intentions, and give them a sense of being able to CHOOSE to be like a worshipped father, for instance, in some ways, and NOT in others. A very difficult thig for kids to hold conflicting realities in their minds, hence the frequent split of separated parents into good/bad, or just the ongoing terrible tension of holding both as all good, when they do bad things, so the bad must be me, thinks the kid.


I prolly used the wrong words for this thread "Who did you want to be like" cos, as you say, we mostly do not consciously think "I want to be like ******", though sometimes we do.

I was probably more aiming at who did we incorporate, who was most instrumental in forming our personalities in a positive way.

And moi?

That is what got me on this thread. I was trying to think! And I truly do not know........


One of my aunts was very warm and nurturing, and my much older cousins there were, too. I always hated leaving there and going home. My sister was also someone very loving and wise and special in my life.

Still thinking....

Deb, this thread is one of the best I've seen in a while. The stories are inspiring. All different in many ways, but there is an element of sameness including strength, nurturing, idiosyncracy, and consistent love.

I think that for those of us who were badly abused, those mentors, relatives or friends, probably saved us from lives of depression and despair; although one has to recognize a good lesson in living before it can do any good. I, sadly, was a very late leaner, but thankfully, I broke the barrier and did something that has changed my life completely. Even if you don't learn until you're an old broad, it's never too late!

Dys just reminded me that I had dealt with my problems at an early age. I really didn't want anyone to think that I've been going around in a dark cloud of despair and depression for most of my life. The abuse was always with me, but for the most part, I was able to get on with life and sort of push it the the back of my mind. I had a wonderful life, especially raising my two sons and in the work I did tutoring and with people with developmental disabilities.

But--at sixty--I found the courage, the guts, to leave an unhappy marriage and start a new life with my old cowboy. Wow, that was the best move I've ever made.

More than resolving to emulate a certain person I assumed that I'd grow up and become a housewife/neighborhood research source/community volunteer just like my mother and her friends.

I was far more likely to mutter, "I'll never say that to my children" than to think, "Good technique, I must remember." Of course, I did remember a lot of the good technique....

Diane, It's very evident to me that you made the right move. Your smiles and laughter is proof enough. L.

nobody real, i wanted to be tin tin, or doc savage or any of a host of characters from books or comics

I'm with Edgar on this topic. I'm pretty much the same way.

For starters, I never knew any relatives on my father's side - not in person anyway. He was astranged from his family at a young age and raised by an uncle and aunt. He would never speak of his upbringing, and the little I knew came from my mother, until just a few years ago (I'm currently 54). Then, I took an interest in genealogy and, very accidentally on the internet, hooked up with a male 2nd cousin of mine in Holland. Wow, what I found out blew me away, but that's a whole story for another thread, which I will tell one day.

On my mother's side, I only met my grandmother once before she died in the early 1960's. Nice enough lady, but didn't really make an impression at my young age at the time.

Then, there are my parents. Both good people and I love them a lot, but you know when you're a teenager, you rebel and you want to be "your own person". Well, that was me for the most part. I always wanted to be "unique" with my own identity and own thoughts. I haven't always liked myself, but, as edgar says, mellowed out with old age.

When I married my second wife in 1979, I was fairly set in my ways and was difficult to live with. Now, years later, my wife says I've changed a lot. More easy-going, etc.

I like myself better as I have aged. I've become comfortable as to who've I've become, and am reasonably content, especially with retirement just around the corner for me.

As others have said, I'm not sure who has influenced me the most. Probably my parents, but I'm not like them. Nor my only sibling, a sister.

Good topic, Deb!

Rayn
I also never knew my father's family, but also never knew my father.
There wasn't much to pick from in the way of role models. That's why I chose the author, Philip Wylie, for an unsuspecting father figure at age 18.

Wow, sorry to hear that, Edgar. I can see your childhood was a difficult one.

It's strange, as we get older, to see the person we become and how our early years tend to form us as a whole person.

One always hopes to learn and not do things a certain way. I've tried, but always room for improvement.

My father died when I was two, and the only evidence I have is a picture of his funeral with my uncle carrying me. The only information I was able to find about my father on the internet was his date of death.

CI
I found out that my father died at age 33 in 1948, but have not been able to learn how.

I learned how my father died. He had a back injury that got infected. All he needed to do was see a doctor and get penicillin.

I have found a genealogy that lists much of my father's family on a website, but they won't cooperate and let me have information.

Wow, Edgar, what the hell are geneology sites for, if not to share info with family!?!

Actually, the Mormons have one of the best genealgy records on this planet that is free for everybody. I have heard of people going to Salt Lake City to investigate their family tree, and they are very helpful at no cost.

The site I mentioned says my father died in California. My sister was in California and tried to get a death certificate from the county in which he supposedly died. She has tried other avenues too, but no death certificate. He is not listed in the SS files. Being he was a cotten picker and whatever else he could find to do, may not have had a SS card.
The people on the site deleted all the names of my living relatives once they became aware of my interest.

Yes, to the mellowing with old age! I am much more comfortable in my own skin that I was 20 years ago. I have been able to see my mother for the woman she was and who her parents were and the effect they had on her. She was beautiful, talented and charming; those are the things I try to remember.

Have any of you had the horrible epiphany that you do have some of the characteristics of your parents? There is an old saying, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, I am my mother after all." Oh the pain, the humiliation, the wry humor, realizing that you haven't totally put aside all the characteristics that were so offensive. There were times when raising my sons that I could hear my mother's voice as I scolded them for something. Sometimes it was really funny as I covered my mouth. At least I was able to reject the worst and, hopefully, retain the good traits.