Tips for Allies Supporting LGBTQ+ Friends and Family: How to Be a True Advocate

By Linda Athanasiadou
Being an ally to LGBTQ+ friends and family is one of the most impactful ways to show love, support, and solidarity. However, allyship requires more than just kind words; it involves active listening, ongoing education, and standing up for the rights of LGBTQ+ people. For those who want to be better allies but aren’t sure where to start, this article provides practical advice on how to effectively support your LGBTQ+ loved ones. I’ll share insights on listening, learning, and advocating in ways that truly make a difference.

1. Listen Without Judgment
One of the most crucial aspects of supporting LGBTQ+ friends and family is to listen—really listen—without judgment. When someone comes out to you or shares their experiences as an LGBTQ+ individual, it’s important to create a safe, open space where they can talk freely. Listening means more than just hearing their words; it means taking in what they’re saying with empathy, understanding, and without trying to impose your own opinions.
In my experience, one of the best things an ally can do is resist the urge to offer immediate advice or solutions. Instead, ask open-ended questions like, “How can I support you?” or “What would you like me to understand about your experience?” This allows the conversation to be led by the LGBTQ+ person and ensures that their needs and feelings are at the center.
For many LGBTQ+ people, simply having someone to talk to who listens and validates their feelings can be incredibly affirming. By showing you’re willing to listen without judgment, you create a space where your loved one feels safe to be themselves, which is one of the greatest gifts you can give as an ally.

2. Educate Yourself
While it’s important to listen, it’s equally vital that you educate yourself about LGBTQ+ issues. Don’t rely on your LGBTQ+ friends or family members to teach you everything—doing so can put the emotional labor on them, which can be exhausting. Instead, take the initiative to learn about LGBTQ+ history, terminology, rights, and the challenges this community faces.
There are plenty of resources available, from books and articles to documentaries and podcasts. Some good starting points include Stonewall UK for learning about LGBTQ+ rights and history, and books like This Book is Gay by Juno Dawson, which offers accessible insights into LGBTQ+ identities and experiences.
Educating yourself not only shows that you’re committed to being a better ally but also helps you avoid unintentionally harmful behavior. For example, understanding the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity will prevent missteps like assuming a transgender person’s identity has anything to do with their sexual preferences. Knowledge is a powerful tool in building a more inclusive and supportive environment for LGBTQ+ people.

3. Respect Boundaries and Use Inclusive Language
An essential part of allyship is respecting the boundaries of LGBTQ+ individuals and using inclusive language. Respecting boundaries means allowing LGBTQ+ people to share what they’re comfortable with, on their own terms. Don’t pressure someone to come out to others or disclose more about their identity than they’re ready to. It’s also crucial to respect their privacy—coming out is a deeply personal experience, and it’s not your story to share.
Inclusive language is another key part of being a respectful ally. Make a conscious effort to use the correct pronouns and chosen names of your LGBTQ+ loved ones. This may take some time to adjust to, but it’s one of the simplest yet most powerful ways to affirm someone’s identity. If you’re unsure about someone’s pronouns, it’s okay to ask in a respectful manner, like “What pronouns do you use?” or “How would you like me to refer to you?”
It’s important to avoid making assumptions based on appearance or previous knowledge. Someone’s gender identity or sexual orientation may not always be obvious or match societal expectations, so always allow people to self-identify rather than making assumptions.

4. Challenge Harmful Behaviors and Beliefs
True allyship also means being willing to challenge harmful behaviors and beliefs when they arise. This can happen in many forms—whether it’s calling out homophobic or transphobic language in your social circle, correcting misinformation, or confronting discriminatory attitudes from friends, family, or colleagues.
It can feel uncomfortable to challenge others, especially if it’s someone close to you, but standing up against prejudice is an essential part of supporting the LGBTQ+ community. Even casual remarks, like a “joke” or stereotype about LGBTQ+ people, can reinforce harmful beliefs. As an ally, you can use your voice to stop this behavior in its tracks. For instance, when someone makes an inappropriate comment, you might respond by saying, “That kind of language is hurtful and doesn’t belong in our conversation.”
The key here is to speak up, even when it’s awkward or uncomfortable. Silence can be seen as complicity, and being a true ally means being willing to step into the discomfort to challenge discrimination.

5. Advocate for LGBTQ+ Rights
Supporting your LGBTQ+ loved ones goes beyond interpersonal relationships—it also involves advocating for their rights in broader society. LGBTQ+ people still face significant challenges in terms of legal protections, healthcare access, and social acceptance. As an ally, you can help by actively participating in advocacy efforts.
One of the easiest ways to advocate is by using your privilege to speak out on behalf of LGBTQ+ rights in political or social spaces. This might mean supporting local and national LGBTQ+ organizations, donating to LGBTQ+ charities, or participating in LGBTQ+ Pride events. If you’re passionate about politics, it could mean voting for candidates who support LGBTQ+ equality and advocating for policies that protect LGBTQ+ individuals from discrimination in housing, employment, and healthcare.
In everyday life, you can also advocate by amplifying the voices of LGBTQ+ people in discussions, giving them a platform to speak for themselves, and pushing for inclusivity in your workplace, school, or community.

6. Support Mental Health and Well-being
Many LGBTQ+ individuals, especially youth, face higher risks of mental health issues like anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts, often as a result of discrimination, family rejection, or societal stigma. As an ally, it’s important to be aware of the mental health challenges your LGBTQ+ friends and family may face and to offer support where possible.
You can do this by creating a nonjudgmental space for your loved ones to express their feelings, and by encouraging them to seek professional help if needed. Familiarize yourself with resources like The Trevor Project or LGBT Foundation, which offer crisis support, counseling, and other services specifically for LGBTQ+ individuals.
If you notice signs of distress in your LGBTQ+ loved one, such as withdrawal, mood changes, or expressions of hopelessness, don’t be afraid to check in with them. Asking how they’re feeling, letting them know you’re there for them, and encouraging them to seek help can make a significant difference.


Being an ally to the LGBTQ+ community is about more than just expressing support; it’s about taking action in meaningful, tangible ways. Whether it’s through listening with empathy, educating yourself, respecting boundaries, or advocating for equal rights, allies have the power to create positive change both in their relationships and in society.
The most important thing to remember is that allyship is a journey. It requires constant reflection, learning, and commitment to doing better. But by taking these steps, you can play a critical role in supporting the well-being, dignity, and rights of your LGBTQ+ friends and family. True allyship is about being there for your loved ones, not just in moments of pride and celebration but also in the moments of challenge and uncertainty.