broken capsized and blue

I'm so much more then the things I hate
broken capsized and blue
I'm alone in the vast darkness
no one else to see me
shed old confidence
I'm only half the person
I saw yesterday
tomorrow I'll fade
to white then to black then to grey

Writing out all those things
I thought i left behind at 15
but i didn't it seems
let everything go, dream of the impossible
I taught myself that the hope of something
is better to hang onto then disappointment or rejection
I'll never be brave enough to show you how
sentimental I can be
It's not hip to love only to lust
I remember this when I'm all dressed up
at a party, I don't want to seem romantic
no coke head likes that
anyway the belief is better then reality?

I'm so much less then what I pretend to be
but that's fine we all pretend in
the haze of the evening but
morning comes round
and i'm still lonely in the rosy dawn
the birds song makes me depressed
Darkness gone I float back down
ground myself in the disillusionment
of daytime dreaming
is that all I'll ever have?
All our relationship will ever be?
I suppose so...

Broken capsized and blue
I sail out on the funeral pyre
of a sad grey sea
inside my head is the only place
that i'm a movie star
and only when I'm asleep
do you come to me
I'll dream if you let me
spend all day doing it
Weekends I spend drunk; we all do
don't we?
Don't we all wish there was more?
It's not just me alone beneath the stars
and smog I lie down to sleep
to have everything and lose it all again
Being awake is the biggest killer of dreams.