Only If

Only if
Only if
That is, only if
Only if…
I had not met her
Then
I would not have loved her

I wonder
Is it sadness, bewilderment or
qualm?
Well!
I don't know
But, this I do
She was fearless to love, kind, gentle
and respectful to ALL
then…
How?
How can this be?

my mind is crippled with
unanswered questions
my eyes are bleeding from
disappointment
my mouth is packed with bitterness
my soul is drained of substance
my life is conflicting and complex
my flatulence has no godly respect
Why?
Damn it!!
Why rose so fresh had to lower the
head
Why?
There's just NOTHING good about
this day
Is my sorrow the first stage of
insanity?
Only if
Only if
That is, only if…


Only if
I had not met her
then…
I would not have loved her
Orderly and motherly
Dark but comely
Robust yet desirous
My icon
the closest being to God's persona
then…
What did she do wrong?
I can't understand
No!
Does He see
Does He really understand this
Why that life?
Only if
Only if…
I had not met her
then…
I would not have loved …so much

Is it ignorance of the future
Is it love missed
Is it human fragility
Or, just God's wish
Or, is it just life's balancing
mechanism
that a life so promising
meet this gentle transition
a painful change to the unknown
land
leaving…
leaving without a good-bye
what a way to leave others behind..
in a mist of ambiguity
Only if


by paul andrew bourne