My son lost his dad :-(

Eva
We srre did have some fun with him, eh. I don't feel bad at all about that because I know I was the butt of his jokes as well, so we're even ;-) Yes, I'm having all kinds of mixed emotions and confused feelings that have no doubt caught me off guard, but time will heal all.
My ex was a recovered alcoholic who eventually used the meds as a replacement. I believe that it's very possible that he could have simply taken too many, but like my father, I guess we'll never know if it was intentional or not.
One thing I know is that he was a very unhappy man who had no love for life, so he no longer has to live in his endless misery.

I wish you were here as well. I could use that hug.

Thanks so much

Thank you so much.

Thanks so much Calamity. Yeah, I think Dana will go through a difficult time once it all sinks in. I remember when my father died, I was in a daze for quite some time and I went through different stages of grief. It was hard, but my mom helped a lot. I'll be there for Dana as long as he needs me to be and we'll get through it together.

Hugs back at ya

It sounds like to me, Montana, that you are well along the way in your recovery from the loss of your former husband. It is difficult, but in time sorrow does slowly heal.

My father died very suddenly and unexpectantly in May 1991. Our relationship was okay, but I wouldn't say that we were really close. Since I lived some distance away, I have some regrets that I didn't spend more time with him. He had a difficult childhood himself when he was growing up. He never talked about it and I hardly knew nothing about his side of the family.

I think you will cope well. I read the thread in which you related your ongoing troubles with your ex-husband. I think you have nothing to reproach yourself about, as you put much effort into making "things right". By that way, I feel your healing process will hasten.

I am also impressed by the fact that you have decided to drop the pursuit of getting the back money for your son. By "letting it go", you give yourself a path to move on to another chapter of your life. You will be a stronger person for that. The stress of all the hardship that you encountered trying to get some justice will make you feel renewed.

I wish you all the best in your future endeavours. Your son is a lucky boy who has such a strong and loving parent.

I've just read the whole of this thread, Montana, & just want you to know that I'm thinking of you, too. Death is so final, isn't it? No more chances (for him) to properly fix the wrongs done, no last chance to reach some sort of peace & acceptance (for all of you). What can I say? That is so very sad, that finality. Take good care of yourself & Dana. As best as you can manage right now.

Thinking of you,
-Olga

Reyn & Olga
Thanks so much for your thoughtful posts. I'm feeling a bit better this morning, so I'm, waiting for Dana to wake up to see how he's holding up.

You made it through that first night. That's one of the hardest parts. Glad you're feeling better, just remember (as I am sure you know) go slow and easy for the next few weeks as the adjustment to the emptiness takes place. May you and your son find comfort and strength from each other and your friends as you move forward.

Thanks very much Sturgis. We're off from work for a few weeks, due to our plant being slow, so at least we'll have the time to grieve without some boss puffing down our necks.
I think I'll get the BBQ going today. It's a nice sunny day and Dana loves BBQs :-)

Thanks again

Sweet Montana, so sorry to hear this news.

Dana's a lucky guy to have such a caring mom. You can heal together.

BBQ is a great idea! Wish I could be there. My thoughts will be with you both.

BK
You're very sweet. If you were near by, I'd demand you come over for our BBQ ;-)

I'm much better today than I was yesterday, so I can completely focus on helping my little man get through this. I'll be stocking up on his favorite comfort foods and I'm going to find things we can do together that will take his mind of things every now and then, so he can get a break from his grief.

I think this may even bring us closer (if that's possible). We will take however much time we need to recover and I know we'll both be stronger when the worst of the grieving process is over.

Thank you BK :-)

Montana--

One of the symptoms of advanced scurvy is that old wounds--"healed" long ago--open and fester.

Dana's father's death by overdose in August not only opens all the told wounds of your long and unhappy estrangement, but reminds you of your father's death by overdose in August.

Grieving is a spiral progress. Old wounds will twinge and ache and sometimes split open. Healing comes and your pain is under control until the next emotional avalanche.

Meanwhile, once again, you're being both Mother and Father for Dana.

Hold your dominion.

Noddy
Yes, you're so right. I know that some of my grieving is continued for my father because the situations are so much alike.
When I sat down and looked at the ages of both their deaths, the date, and the similarities in the way they died, it really set me back.
Dana noticed it as well and said "mom, now I understand how you felt when your father died, because my dad died the same exact way and we'll always have that in common".
I told him that since we share that common factor, it'll help us better understand eachother and become closer. He agreed :-)

I also told him that after my father died and right up until now, I've always felt my dad was watching over me. I told him that I believe his dad is now in a position where he can watch over him as well and he liked that idea :-)

Time will surely heal :-)

Sounds like it already is.

Love to both of you...

Yeah, today was a much better day.

My only concern is that Dana is taking it so well and it doesn't seem natural to me.
Maybe it's because I'm such an emotional person, I expect him to be at least somewhat emotional.

Love going right back at ya, Eva :-)

Montana, I thought I posted something here last night, but I don't see my post anywhere!!

Anyway...I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am and I just wish I could be there to offer you whatever help I could be.

I'm sure this is tough for your son. It's always very difficult to lose someone close, someone who is family. After all, this was his Dad. Please give him a bug hig for me.

You and your son are in my thoughts and prayers.

Thanks so much SC. You guys have helped me get through this, more than you know and I am forever grateful for all you wonderful people who have taken the time to comfort us.
I will surely give Dana a big hug for you and I'll never forget how kind you all have been through our time of sorrow.
Yes, it is difficut to lose someone, even if the relationship was rocky.
I learned that I still loved him and I will miss him dispite all our battles.

Thanks again :-)

Montana -- Will you and Dana be going to his funeral?

From what we were told, there probably won't be one :-(

That's the nice thing about a forum like this. It creates a community where we can connect with one another. One big family!