My son lost his dad :-(

Beth
You're so right. I knew deep down inside that I still cared about him, but I used everything in me to fight it. Now that he's gone, it's all coming out.

Thanks ;-)

Osso
Thank you as well.

That's quite possible, Noddy.

Oh Montana (and Dana) I'm so sorry. Of course you must both be mourning. M, just because you chose not to stay with him doesn't mean you didn't care about him and won't feel this loss. I'm so so sorry.

Thank you FreeDuck. You guys are very sweet.

I'm sorry for you and Dana.

(((((Montana))))) We are here for you.

Montana,
it is understandable you feel pretty rotten right now.
You fell in love with the sober him.
That part of him was still there and a bit of comfort was taken in knowing that.
Now that he is gone, you will never get the chance of seeing that part of him again.
It is a loss. Even if it is a small one.
Care for yourself and your son as I know you will.
Vent here .. and we promise to make you laugh
and feel better as best we can.
( hug )

Don't know what else to say other than I'm very sorry to hear...and I hope you're ok, well at least as well as you can be.

I am sorry for the loss that you and Dana have suffered. It is good that the last conversation was a good one and you will not have to dwell on the what if's of a bad conversation. He has gone on a positive rather than a negative note. I hope that you can find some comfort in that fact.

Thanks you guys. I can't believe how hard this is hitting me. I suppose I alway wished that some day he'd snap out of it and learn to be a good father to our son.
A lot of you here know that I had myself convinced that I hated the man. I don't hate easily, so you know he put us through hell.
I remember how in love we were at the beginning of our relationship and now I'm starting to remember that we did actually have some good times. Unfortunately, the bad times out weighed the good times, by far.
Of course I knew there would always be a bond between us because we created a child together, but I fought it with everything I had. It hurt less for me to hate him.
It wasn't until we got that dreadful call that I realized that I still had love in my heart for him. I guess that was what they call a love/hate relationship.
I'll be ok, but I still feel like I've lost a little piece of myself.

Life goes on

I am sorry to hear about your heartache Montana. It's got to be difficult knowing you can never have any further contact with the father of your son, especially hoping for the possibility that he could have changed, or had a potentially better relationship with Dana, or even finally come to realize what he had with you and even begrudgingly shown some appreciation. It's always a shock to know that someone is suddenly gone and all the feelings of good and bad are revisited and dissected. Be careful you don't apply any blame to yourself for Dana not having the relationship with his father you would have liked. From what I know of you, you would have done everything possible to enable that and cannot be responsible for the failings of others. I think you are going to be a little emotional for a bit and that is quite natural. In fact you wouldn't be you if you didn't.

Good wishes to Dana and you take care.

I think every boy longs for a father-son relationship no matter the quality
of the father. I know I did.

My father and mother had separated early in my life and I grew up raised
by my mother and grandmother. Dad was not what you'd call a role
model for fatherhood and our relationship was often strained if not inimicable.

He died when I was an adult, and even as an adult I found it hard to sort
out my feelings. Still do.

Give my best to Dana. In some way, his life has changed, and I wish him
well in the transition.

My condolences, Montana.

I do not know you well having just arrived at this site recently; but, my thoughts are with you and your son at this time of loss. My father died when I was in my teens and it is a loss that still haunts me, as the loss of a parent always does.

Thank you so much Heeven. That little guilt card showed itself for a bit because I pushed him very hard to do the right thing, but I know I can't possibly blame myself. I only pushed him to do what he should have done willingly all these years.
Sometimes I think he enjoyed our constant arguements because it kept us in contact with eachother. He was funny that way.
He even told our son last year that he still loved me.
He was a very miserable man who got very little joy out of life and I bet he's in a better place now.

It's still hard for me to believe he's gone. Who the hell am I going to fight with now? LOL!

My son talked with his half brother this morning and they are going to start keeping in touch with eachother. My son has always wanted that, so that's a good thing.

The pills that killed him were prescribed by a psychiatrist and he died the same way my own father did. This is why you'll never hear me say anything good about those meds.

My father died Aug 20, 1986 from prescription pills.
Dana Sr died Aug, 17, 2005 from prescription pills.

My father was 44 years young
Dana Sr was 43 years young

Thanks very much for sharing that with us, George. My son will be reading this when he's feeling up to it and I know it'll help him a lot knowing that he's not alone. Your parents are your parents, no matter what, and even though he wasn't very close with his dad either, he's truly feeling the loss. How could he not.

Thanks again

montana-so sorry. hugs to you and your son.

Thank you Gus & Sturgis. My son and I truly appreciate you all taking the time to comfort us.

I don't know what I'd do without you guys.

Thanks so much and hugs right back.

I'm so sorry, Montana.

It's hard losing someone who was central to so many of the BIG things in your life. The good parts that resulted in the son you created together and even the bad parts were central to your life for more than 18 years.

Let yourself grieve. For what you had, for what you've missed, for the pain all three of you suffered, for the joy you once shared. Grief brings release and release eventually brings healing.

Dana will grieve in his own way too. Maybe not now, he's busying himself with helping you, but later when he can let it sink in, he will somehow come to an understanding of his father in terms of his own life.

Special thoughts and hugs to you both.