Please review a pice of my lirics.

It works, it's correct.

It would also work and be correct if you removed "in the water."

Some lyrics eschew grammar but we understand and listen to the song anyway.

Hang on Sloopy, Sloopy hang on
Hang on Sloopy, Sloopy hang on

Sloopy lives in a very bad part of town
And everybody there tries to put my Sloopy down
Sloopy I don't care what your daddy do
'Cause you know Sloopy girl I'm in love with you
And so I'm singing

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Sloopy let your hair down girl, let it run down on me
Sloopy let your hair down girl, let it run down on me

Come on Sloopy, come on, come on
Come on Sloopy, come on, come on
Well, come on Sloopy, come on, come on
Well, come on Sloopy, come on, come on

Well it feels so good, come on, come on
You know it feels so good, come on, come on

Well shake it, shake it, shake it Sloopy, come on, come on
Well shake it, shake it, shake it yeah
Yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Thank you very much!

Thank you. Just hoping bad grammar doesn't ruin worshipping experience.

I wouldn't worry about that. Grammar is fluid, and song lyrics, like poetry, do not have to stick to grammatical rules.

How grammatical is this?

Well be-bop-a-Lula she's my baby
Be-bop-a-Lula I don't mean maybe.

👍🏽Thanks!

Good luck with it all.

Hey. Thanks again for your help. here is the final product. Hope you like it.
https://youtu.be/BR5TyyTh9yw

That can stand shoulder to shoulder with Christian Rock.

It doesn't sound out of place.

I'm sure lots of places of worship will appreciate it.

I like it. Wishing you much success.

Thanks a lot. Your feedback is really important to me.

It is rewarding to know that someone who doesn't know me personally likes my song. Thank you

Good luck with it, I hope it goes down well.

You have a good command of your subject and addressed it very well. I