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MARRIAGE IS JUST A PIECE OF PAPER

 
 
Reply Fri 24 Jun, 2022 10:30 pm
Hi everyone. I just want some advice. I'm not married. I love marriage, I wish I could get married. But that is never going to happen for me anymore. I've been with my bf for 4 years. We have 2 kids. We have talked about marriage. He says that we will get married one day. But he keeps changing the time frame, he keeps pushing the date for marriage further and further away. I'm so upset because I love him and want to marry him for love. I'm happy to compromise, he wants more kids past the age of 33. I'm happy to support him and make that happen. But in terms of marriage he says that he doesn't believe in it. He thinks marriage is just a piece of paper and that all it does it lead to divorce. He said that if he compromises on marriage, that it can only happen if I tick off all the boxes on his criteria and meet his expectations. He said we can get married when he thinks I'm consistent enough with the housework, cooking, earn enough to get a pay rise.

I'm just so heartbroken. Should getting married to someone you love be so unachievable & unreachable?? Should getting married for love be that hard?? Does it sound like he is just pretending that "we will get married oneday" when really it means he is just saying that knowing full well he never wants that to happen??
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Sat 25 Jun, 2022 06:02 am
@SELENA700,
Cripes, he's got a ton of demands and won't give you legal protection (and, in the US, access to cheaper health insurance and potentially lower taxes via filing jointly) unless those demands are met in full.

This isn't love, it's a hostage situation.
0 Replies
 
Below viewing threshold (view)
mark noble
 
  -3  
Reply Tue 28 Jun, 2022 07:37 am
@SELENA700,
Your life experience is unique.
There is nobody, other than you, experiencing 'being you'.

Just enjoy the journey.

All Ends Well.

Have a Lovely Day
0 Replies
 
engineer
 
  2  
Reply Tue 28 Jun, 2022 11:20 am
@SELENA700,
SELENA700 wrote:

He said that if he compromises on marriage, that it can only happen if I tick off all the boxes on his criteria and meet his expectations. He said we can get married when he thinks I'm consistent enough with the housework, cooking, earn enough to get a pay rise.

That is just such a sad quote. Why would you want to be with someone who says such things? Yes, he is just pretending and will never agree to get married. Even if you twisted his arm into getting married, he will never value it and will likely resent you forcing his hand. Marriage is a lot more than a piece of paper, both emotionally and legally. Please, if you decide to stay in this relationship, don't have more children with this man. If you decide to leave, please contact a lawyer about your rights/his responsibilities.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Jun, 2022 12:14 pm
@SELENA700,
He said that if he compromises on marriage, that it can only happen if I tick off all the boxes on his criteria and meet his expectations. He said we can get married when he thinks I'm consistent enough with the housework, cooking, earn enough to get a pay rise.

What the f*? This response is totally inappropriate, rude and just plain old mean. If to him marriage is only a piece of paper then having it or not having it should be unimportant to him and if it is important to you – then it is a very small sacrifice on his part.

Here is your answer – say you will stay together with him if he tick off all the boxes on your criteria and meets your expectations. List these things that he is not perfect at…

And like others said – the marriage license is important as far as many legal reasons – one not mentioned is if anything happens to him and say he is the one you and your children are relying on financially – you could possibly have no legal rights to his money and life insurance – if he says for instance owns a home and it is just in his name or a car just in his name, bank account, etc. you and your children may find yourself in a legal battle to obtain those finances to support and care for your children. Whereas if most states if you are married – you are entitled to all that.
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Jun, 2022 10:43 pm
@SELENA700,
If you stay with that man then you never will get married, you are right.
You are the mother of his children and he reduces you to maid status - you are not good enough for him. I'd say he is not good enough for you! If you don't want to waste your life on a loser like this, leave him and look for someone
who loves you for who you are.

.
0 Replies
 
 

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