Reply Wed 3 Aug, 2005 02:47 am
I'm not sure if I should cut the last stanza?
Comments would be appreciatedddd.

A giant cloud-shaped pyramid, the colours of a rainbow
blocks the view from me to you.
At long last it's passed,
now i can watch you laugh
will you laugh with me again?

I forgot to remember to remind you
to remember me
lets just rewind everything you said to me
I want to press pause on the spot
where you're waiting for me

I assume I've stopped and started
far too much and
you've lost my place on the reel..
find it for me again?
no.no.no. I believe in you.

but when you hit me
it didn't knock me
just moved me
into the pseudo,
the pseudorealisation
that i'm located somewhere beyond communication

When you finally left me with no shelter, I
I tried to pull myself together, but
but now
I'll tell you, I made friends with a tumbleweed called Paulo.
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Bekaboo
 
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Reply Wed 3 Aug, 2005 02:58 pm
Yeh i would cut the last stanza

Not so keen on the first one but i loved this:
I forgot to remember to remind you
to remember me
lets just rewind everything you said to me
I want to press pause on the spot
where you're waiting for me

Normally i'm not too keen on repetitive stuff, but that i like... it's cool Smile
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