It sounds like you're dealing with Grief. Grief is the natural reaction to Loss. You spoke about a loved one hurting you, but have you ever really dealt with this in a healthy manner? What this person took from you, you cannot get back and you're struggling to find a balance through it. Right now you're experiencing Anger, a very common emotion associated with Grief.
There are stages of Grief you should be aware of and may need some help to try to work through each stage.
"Not everyone will experience all five stages, and you may not go through them in this order.
Grief is different for every person, so you may begin coping with loss in the bargaining stage and find yourself in anger or denial next. You may remain for months in one of the five stages but skip others entirely."
Another great resource:
It's good you're recognising certain issues about yourself and reaching out. Please continue to do so, and you'll learn how to control the anger or at least mitigate it's effects.