Granddaughter's 1st birthday: What to put on a shirt?

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My only biological granddaughter's 1st birthday party is coming up in March. Yes, I have other grandchildren but this is the first child by my only biological daughter. I treat all of them the same. I love them all dearly. When she was born last year her dad hung around for maybe a month or so then he moved several states away to be closer to his family. He's only seen her when my daughter speaks to him and they FaceTime. My granddaughter is too young to understand that that is her father. Well, my daughter wants to have the family all wear special t-shirts for the party and each one will say something like, "Mother of the birthday girl", "Grandfather of the birthday girl", "Cousin of the birthday girl", "Great-uncle of the birthday girl". Or, whatever your title is in her life. A few of the family members want their shirts to say something slightly different. When my daughter found out she was pregnant the first person she called was one of her cousins, my sister and brother-in-law's daughter. I don't have a problem with that, however, my niece wants her shirt to say, "First to know of the birthday girl". And, given that me and my sister, same sister, help out with keeping the baby during the day while she works, my brother-in-law wants his shirt to say "Uncle D of the birthday girl". That is not sitting well with me simply because he doesn't have a D in his name. When I asked my sister what the meaning of his shirt was she told me that it meant "Uncle Daddy". He is not her daddy nor will he ever be considered her daddy. He is the great-uncle and that's it. To me that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Nobody calls him that at all. That's what he wants people to question him about when they see his shirt. I'm sure he loves her to death but having her at your house 2 days a week doesn't make you her daddy or even her uncle daddy. Given that her own father is not in the picture at the moment people affectionately call me her daddy since I spend so much time with her but I'm not putting Granddaddy-daddy on my shirt. When my sister and brother-in-law have the baby the minute I walk in she will leave them and reach for me. She's only with my sister and brother-in-law 2 days a week or on a Sunday if they take her to church. She's at our house at least 5 days because when my sister gets off work she'll drop her off at our house. We've all seen these types of shirts before. You go to a graduation and a person's family will have them made or something like that. Never have you seen anyone's shirt that says, "Helped with the science project of the graduate", "Went and ate lunch with of the graduate", or "Went to her first school play of the graduate". I don't want my daughter's party to be more about them and what's on their shirt than it is about the baby herself. And I know what you're thinking, it's her 1st birthday and she probably will not remember it. Probably not but those shirts will always be around forever. Technically I was the first to see and hold the baby. My daughter had a c-section and I was right there in the operating room holding her hand. I'm not putting anything like that on my shirt. "First to hold...", "First to see...", "I cut the cord..."! You feel me. Why are they making this party about them and not about the baby? Would I be wrong to ask them to keep it simple on their shirts?

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Why do you care so much? Why not leave it to your daughter? Personally, I would never wear a shirt like that in the first place, much less worry about what's on someone else's shirt. Not your business, really, is it?

And please stop saying 'biological' - nobody cares, much less the baby. It's the same when someone says 'adopted'. It only matters if it's a genetic issue. It shouldn't matter if she is biological or adopted - the point is, it's your granddaughter. Period.

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@Mame,

Mame wrote:

Why do you care so much? Why not leave it to your daughter? Personally, I would never wear a shirt like that in the first place, much less worry about what's on someone else's shirt. Not your business, really, is it?

And please stop saying 'biological' - nobody cares, much less the baby. It's the same when someone says 'adopted'. It only matters if it's a genetic issue. It shouldn't matter if she is biological or adopted - the point is, it's your granddaughter. Period.

No, it may not matter to you but I guess it matters to me. My granddaughter has one father, not a host of surrogate ones who wants everyone to know they classify themselves as one of her extended fathers. Ok, my freaking bad for saying my biological granddaughter. Get a grip. Sure, I could be looked at as her father since her real one isn't around but again, I'm not putting that title on my shirt. I' am only the grandfather. And I am helping my daughter with this party so I do have a say so. Money is coming out of my pocket for this event so I do have a stake in it. My daughter doesn't know how to plan a birthday party. Again, this is her first child so she's never had to. In my family we help each other out. We don't just tell you "that's your child you figure it out." She's asked me for my help and come hell or high water I will do what ever she asks of me. I hope that clears up why I am doing this. I guess in every other family no one helps anyone else out for anything but mine. I guess your common response to anyone asking you for your help or input is "that's not my concern, you figure it out."

1 Reply

@Barry2021,

Some thoughts.

- A first birthday party is a lot more for the adults than the child who will not remember it and spend more time playing in the boxes and wrapping paper than with the gifts. Yes, you would be wrong for asking them to tone down the shirts. This is intended to be a fun, adult thing. There is no benefit to you raining on the parade.
- If you daughter is ok with "Uncle D" than maybe you don't fully understand his relationship in your daughter's and granddaughter's life.
- Your role is secure and is not threatened in any way. You are the grandfather who gets to spend lots of time with her! Having other male figures in her life is a bonus.
- My guess is your daughter is very appreciative to everyone who helps her every day and she is trying to show that, but that doesn't mean she doesn't appreciate all you do, the way you go above and beyond for family. Her appreciation of them is not a knock on you, it shows you raised her right.

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@Barry2021,

I mention "biological" because you ALWAYS say that. Nobody here cares, and anyone who has ever read anything you wrote ALREADY KNOWS.

Your BIOLOGICAL daughter asked for help with the party, so help. That doesn't mean deciding what people put on their t-shirts. Who really cares? Why does it matter? For Pete's sake, she's going to be ONE YEAR OLD. Nobody's going to sit around looking at photos of their t-shirts. The photos will go into an album no one will look at, like all photos.

Because you're helping finance this silly party you think you have a say so? That seems very controlling to me. You focus on all the little stuff. Let people write what they want - what harm can it do? "Smallest Auntie of the B'day Girl", "Fattest Uncle of the B'day Girl"... what difference can it possibly make? Why do you have to ruin someone else's good time over such a trivial concern?

And I never suggested you not help her out. How difficult is it to plan a bloody party, anyway? You pick a date, time and location, invite everyone and either ask them all to bring a dish, do the cooking yourself, or have it catered. Even a nitwit could figure that out. And I certainly never questioned why you are involved. Knowing you as I do, you're going to be involved one way or another come hell or high water. Your last two statements are just stupid. Go back to bed and get up on the right side this time.

2 Replies

@Mame,

Mame wrote:

I mention "biological" because you ALWAYS say that.

Honestly Barry you should drop that line. It's obviously important to you but it just rubs everyone the wrong way.

3 Replies

@engineer,

engineer wrote:

Mame wrote:

I mention "biological" because you ALWAYS say that.

Honestly Barry you should drop that line. It's obviously important to you but it just rubs everyone the wrong way.

Exactly, my eldest son isn't my biological son and the other two are adopted. I call all three of them my children. I'm their father!

0 Replies

@engineer,

engineer wrote:

Some thoughts.

- A first birthday party is a lot more for the adults than the child who will not remember it and spend more time playing in the boxes and wrapping paper than with the gifts. Yes, you would be wrong for asking them to tone down the shirts. This is intended to be a fun, adult thing. There is no benefit to you raining on the parade.
- If you daughter is ok with "Uncle D" than maybe you don't fully understand his relationship in your daughter's and granddaughter's life.
- Your role is secure and is not threatened in any way. You are the grandfather who gets to spend lots of time with her! Having other male figures in her life is a bonus.
- My guess is your daughter is very appreciative to everyone who helps her every day and she is trying to show that, but that doesn't mean she doesn't appreciate all you do, the way you go above and beyond for family. Her appreciation of them is not a knock on you, it shows you raised her right.

I agree with you 100%. Like I said in my OP the baby won't even remember this party. Doesn't mean you don't have one, right. I'm thinking more along the lines of that nobody, and I do mean NOBODY calls my brother-in-law Uncle D. That's just want he wants on his shirt. People are going to ask him what that means and when he explains it wouldn't that make you think "oh, so you gave yourself that title." It's like he wants all the attention on him. "Hey, ask me what my shirt means." Yes, we are a very close nit family. We help each other out and I do not feel that my roll or position in this little girl's life is any less because of what my brother-in-law chooses to put on his shirt. I just wish he wouldn't make it so much about what he wants people to think than the actual birthday girl. You're the great-uncle and that's it. That's like someone giving themselves a nickname and expecting people to call them that.

0 Replies

@engineer,

engineer wrote:

Mame wrote:

I mention "biological" because you ALWAYS say that.

Honestly Barry you should drop that line. It's obviously important to you but it just rubs everyone the wrong way.

Duly noted.

0 Replies

@Barry2021,

Paragraphs Barry, paragraphs.

1 Reply

@Barry2021,

Sorry but this is about the most petty thing I have read. Who cares...the kid is one and has no idea what shirts say or mean. Everyone will have a different viewpoint...why can't you just have fun with this and let people handle it as they want?

Why is everything an issue or big deal?

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@Linkat,

IM ONE AND I EDITED THIS SHIRT !!

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@Mame,

Agreed ... When I had my first baby and it was her first birthday....I had never planned a first birthday party before. But somehow I was able to figure it out without my mother or father. I am sure your daughter could as well...that is not to say she doesn't appreciate the help.

And to cap it all off my daughter wad my parent's first biological grandchild!

0 Replies

@engineer,

engineer wrote:

Mame wrote:

I mention "biological" because you ALWAYS say that.

Honestly Barry you should drop that line. It's obviously important to you but it just rubs everyone the wrong way.

It seems the point being made is Barry keeps saying he loves all his grandchildren and treats them the same even his non biological ones. Yet he consistently mentions one grandchild as being his biological grandchild .... Thus treating this child differently than the others .. If he thought of them the same then why mention the difference?

If he feels differently because she is biological then fess up rather than declare each time he treats them the sane?

1 Reply

@Linkat,

That's exactly my point. You wouldn't say my hispanic neighbour, or gay friend, or adopted daughter unless the qualifier makes a difference. You'd only say biological daughter if you also had an adopted daughter, a foster daughter, or a step-daughter and you were differentiating between them.

1 Reply

@Barry2021,

Here's the thing, Barry...

You cannot control every aspect of everyone else's life.

Ok, let's face it, you can't even control your own life. Your misery spews out on every post you make. You really need to get a handle on your emotions. My suggestion is Therapy. And lots of it.

If a situation involving t-shirts gives you this much anxiety and anguish, you'll have to admit there's something extremely wrong on how you view this world. And here's the rub - you'll not take any advise given, you'll just wait a few days and then post another tragedy ridden post that is so petty, people think you're not dealing with a full deck.

Please consider a more constructive way of dealing with your unhappiness.

1 Reply

@neptuneblue,

Bingo!

Thus is time and energy wasted being enraged over cutesy sayings on a t shirt.

1 Reply

@Mame,

Mame wrote:

That's exactly my point. You wouldn't say my hispanic neighbour, or gay friend, or adopted daughter unless the qualifier makes a difference. You'd only say biological daughter if you also had an adopted daughter, a foster daughter, or a step-daughter and you were differentiating between them.

Interesting point you make here because yes, I do have an adopted/foster/whatever you want to call her daughter. Many years ago, long before I met my wife, I was dating a girl and we were really good together. After a few years that relationship fizzled out but we remained the best of friends, even today. She began dating a guy and got pregnant by him. Shortly after her daughter was born the guy was shot and killed. I guess her daughter was maybe 1 year or two old. I stepped in as the surrogate father for her child and that little girl grew up calling me daddy. And still does today. Yes, she knows I'm not her biological father and I still affectionately call her my daughter. I have a GREAT relationship with her dad's mom and his other sister and his mom has appreciated how I stepped in to help raise her granddaughter. She now has 3 kids of her own and they all call me granddaddy because that's what they are to me. My grandchildren. So when I say my biological grandchild I am referring to the child my own daughter had. My step-son has 2 kids and even though there is no blood mix from me to them I still refer to them as my grandchildren. 6 total and a host of bonus grandkids too. My "adopted" daughter is now dating a guy and he has a daughter along the ages of one of her kids and she now also calls me her granddaddy. I do not distinguish any less between any child. I just use that as reference to you when I post. My ex-gf still refers to me as her "baby daddy" even though we both know I'm not. And yes, I still call her my "baby momma". Again, just a cute term we use with each other. People still question me if that really is my child and I will jokingly tell them that the DNA test hasn't come back yet. That girl is now going on 27 years old. Again, just an inside joke. Please understand, I mean no disrespect to anyone by saying that. My wife has 2 sons and I do call them my step-sons because technically that's what they are. Calling them step does not lessen anything, it just means I'm not their biological father. People do still use step-, foster-, or adopted-. That doesn't mean they love the child any less. If you choose not to use those terms then that's fine for you with how you do things but do not condemn someone else because they do something differently than how you would do it.

2 Replies

@Linkat,

Barry could write "I saw my daughter's gizards!" on his shirt...

1 Reply

@Barry2021,

Barry2021 wrote:

Technically I was the first to see and hold the baby. My daughter had a c-section and I was right there in the operating room holding her hand.

I dunno, Barry. I had a C-section and the last person I wanted to see me like that would be my dad. So, please elaborate on how you were chosen to be in the operating room with your daughter giving birth. Why wasn't her mom there or trusted best friend?

1 Reply

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