Granddaughter's 1st birthday: What to put on a shirt?

@neptuneblue,

neptuneblue wrote:

Personal boundaries, Barry. You believe everyone has to follow the rules you set but the same rules do not apply to you. You do not believe you should have to obey the rules and regulations you set forth on other people. That's narcissistic and frustrating for others.

No, your daughter did not NEED you in the OR. She isn't the first woman ever to give birth nor is she the first to ever have a C-Section. Nor was she left with an incompetent staff of nurses, OB/GYN's, surgeons and other various medical staff who perform these types of deliveries on a daily basis. Yes, you should have backed out and told her you love her and will see her afterwards.

You overstepped your boundary.

Again, do not equate the experience with your wife as a carte blanc experience to share with your daughter. It's not the same and quite disturbing on it's own.

You are correct, a lactating baby is not a sexual act. But the lack of your personal boundary allowing your daughter to bond isn't in the grandfatherly role, that's just odd.

Just like this t-shirt idea.

A t-shirt marking a child's first birthday is a silly idea to begin with. And to actually think these shirts will last a "lifetime" is moronic at best, a rag to wash the floor with is the most that can be hoped for in a month's time.

Instead, you want to make a mountain out of a mole hill, claiming because you've PAID for the privilege of planning a granddaughter's birthday party somehow gives you the right to tell others what to think and feel and print on a t-shirt.

Pay for the birthday cupcakes. And nix the idea of congratulatory t-shirts.

I overstepped my boundaries? WOW! If that's how you feel then you are entitled to your opinion. But when it comes to me and my daughter, I would have been there no matter what. I wasn't about to let her go into that operating room alone. Yes, women have been giving birth for centuries, you're right. However, this is my daughter's first child so the fear of them having to do an emergency c-section was enough for me to want to be there with her. Again, we're talking during the height of the covid pandemic so since I took her there that night before I was the only one allowed there with her. Remember, baby-daddy wasn't even in the state and her mom was nowhere to be found. We no longer live in those days where the may stayed out in the waiting room until the baby was born. But again I don't need to explain that to you.

1 Reply

@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

To me this is an entirely personal decision between Barry and his daughter. I honestly see nothing eww or wrong with it. Some people film births natural or C. This would be eww to me .

When I was going to have my first my mom said to me...you are going to have your husband there? Do you realize everything that goes on with childbirth? To her, it would be completely uncomfortable to have her husband there.

To each there own.

And I'm sure you're thinking like me. When your mom had you men weren't allowed in the delivery room, much less the OR for a c-section. It's just that that's what was standard at that time. In 20+ years since you were born those standards have changed and your mom may not be aware of those changes so your husband in the delivery room now may be a "eww" moment for her. For you it was normal because that's what was expected. Your mom wasn't wrong, she may be basing it on the only knowledge she had. Same with my parents. When me and my siblings were born our dad wasn't allowed in the delivery room. When my daughter was born I was right there with my camera taking pictures. It was allowed at the time. Now, you are no longer allowed to take photos, for malpractice reasons. Yes, to each their own. I just know that being there with my daughter and watching my granddaughter be born was something no one will ever take away from me. That's a memory I can share with my granddaughter when she's old enough to hear and understand the story.

0 Replies

@Barry2021,

Barry2021 wrote:

neptuneblue wrote:

Personal boundaries, Barry. You believe everyone has to follow the rules you set but the same rules do not apply to you. You do not believe you should have to obey the rules and regulations you set forth on other people. That's narcissistic and frustrating for others.

No, your daughter did not NEED you in the OR. She isn't the first woman ever to give birth nor is she the first to ever have a C-Section. Nor was she left with an incompetent staff of nurses, OB/GYN's, surgeons and other various medical staff who perform these types of deliveries on a daily basis. Yes, you should have backed out and told her you love her and will see her afterwards.

You overstepped your boundary.

Again, do not equate the experience with your wife as a carte blanc experience to share with your daughter. It's not the same and quite disturbing on it's own.

You are correct, a lactating baby is not a sexual act. But the lack of your personal boundary allowing your daughter to bond isn't in the grandfatherly role, that's just odd.

Just like this t-shirt idea.

A t-shirt marking a child's first birthday is a silly idea to begin with. And to actually think these shirts will last a "lifetime" is moronic at best, a rag to wash the floor with is the most that can be hoped for in a month's time.

Instead, you want to make a mountain out of a mole hill, claiming because you've PAID for the privilege of planning a granddaughter's birthday party somehow gives you the right to tell others what to think and feel and print on a t-shirt.

Pay for the birthday cupcakes. And nix the idea of congratulatory t-shirts.

I overstepped my boundaries? WOW! If that's how you feel then you are entitled to your opinion. But when it comes to me and my daughter, I would have been there no matter what. I wasn't about to let her go into that operating room alone. Yes, women have been giving birth for centuries, you're right. However, this is my daughter's first child so the fear of them having to do an emergency c-section was enough for me to want to be there with her. Again, we're talking during the height of the covid pandemic so since I took her there that night before I was the only one allowed there with her. Remember, baby-daddy wasn't even in the state and her mom was nowhere to be found. We no longer live in those days where the may stayed out in the waiting room until the baby was born. But again I don't need to explain that to you.

And it wasn't like I was right in the mix of things handing the doctor a scalpel or actually assisting with the birth. I was sitting at my daughter's head reassuring here everything will be okay. There was a big sheet up in front of us just lower than her chin / chest area so I couldn't see anything at all. When my granddaughter took her first breath and cried that was all the reassurance I needed.

1 Reply

@Barry2021,

No defense is needed, Barry.

0 Replies

Let me get everyone's take on this. In speaking with my mom about the shirts she wants me to put "First GiGi" on her shirt. In speaking with one of my sisters, she and I have agreed that "First GiGi" really makes no sense. This is the great-grandmother of the baby and she is affectionately know as GiGi, common abbreviation for great-grandmother. My mom is the baby's only great-grandmother given that my daughter's other grandmother has passed. So technically she will be the baby's only great-grandmother. Again, here we have another person who wants to take the focus off the baby and put it on themselves.

So here is how those shirts will read from those who want something different on them:

"First to know of the birthday girl" instead of just "Cousin of the birthday girl".

"Uncle D of the birthday girl" instead of "Great-Uncle of the birthday girl".

And now "First Gigi of the birthday girl" instead of GiGi of the birthday girl".

My issue again is that family members what to focus on themselves instead of just listing their biological title on the shirt like everyone else and keeping it simple. It's becoming more of a "look at me" moment instead of putting the attention on the birthday girl.

1 Reply

Let me get everyone's take on this. In speaking with my mom about the shirts she wants me to put "First GiGi" on her shirt. In speaking with one of my sisters, she and I have agreed that "First GiGi" really makes no sense. This is the great-grandmother of the baby and she is affectionately know as GiGi, common abbreviation for great-grandmother. My mom is the baby's only great-grandmother given that my daughter's other grandmother has passed. So technically she will be the baby's only great-grandmother. Again, here we have another person who wants to take the focus off the baby and put it on themselves.

So here is how those shirts will read from those who want something different on them:

"First to know of the birthday girl" instead of just "Cousin of the birthday girl".

"Uncle D of the birthday girl" instead of "Great-Uncle of the birthday girl".

And now "First Gigi of the birthday girl" instead of GiGi of the birthday girl".

My issue again is that family members what to focus on themselves instead of just listing their biological title on the shirt like everyone else and keeping it simple. It's becoming more of a "look at me" moment instead of putting the attention on the birthday girl.

0 Replies

@Barry2021,

Does it matter what's on her tee? She can't read. Who are you really sending a message to?

0 Replies

@Barry2021,

Personally I find the wordings they came up with more original and fun...they sound more personal as to how these people feel about this little girl.

As far as taking the attention from the little girl...how is that going to? Everyone is going to fawn after her...she will look at pictures when she gets older and I would think appreciate that her family has chosen words and descriptions of how they felt about her whereas she of course will know who her great grand mom and uncle are without seeing pix of them in their t shirts...this gives her a little more.

And really? You are fussy about putting first in front of Gigi? How petty. It sounds like your wife and other family members are just trying to make this just a bit more special for the little girl.

1 Reply

@Linkat,

How many women would wear white to a wedding simply because they wanted to or they looked good in that white outfit or dress? Probably none. Why? Because it's an unwritten rule that women don't wear white to a wedding. I've been to other birthday and anniversary celebrations where each person was asked to wear a certain color and I didn't buck what was asked of me simply because I wanted to be unique. I followed what was asked of me. Same here. Please do not think I'm trying to argue with anyone, but I'm the type of person that if I'm invited to something and I'm asked to do something then I do what is being asked. If I am invited to a Super Bowl party and asked to bring the beer then I bring beer not tequila or vodka.

2 Replies

@Barry2021,

Why don't you let your daughter deal with this? It's her request and her daughter.

And, for the record, it should say, "Only GiGi of blah blah" because she IS the only. Saying "First..." implies there will be a second, which there won't.

2 Replies

@Mame,

How about Maurice Cheavalier? He sang Thank Heavens For Little Girls in the film Gigi.

1 Reply

@izzythepush,

How about him? I think they should wear what they want and just hold up a sign saying who they are... they're never going to wear those t-shirts again. Waste of money.

But... not my decision.

1 Reply

@Barry2021,

Barry2021 wrote:

How many women would wear white to a wedding simply because they wanted to or they looked good in that white outfit or dress? Probably none. Why? Because it's an unwritten rule that women don't wear white to a wedding. I've been to other birthday and anniversary celebrations where each person was asked to wear a certain color and I didn't buck what was asked of me simply because I wanted to be unique. I followed what was asked of me. Same here. Please do not think I'm trying to argue with anyone, but I'm the type of person that if I'm invited to something and I'm asked to do something then I do what is being asked. If I am invited to a Super Bowl party and asked to bring the beer then I bring beer not tequila or vodka.

Really? You are comparing a wedding to an infant's burthday?

These are not even legit comparisons. Is your 1 year granddaughter asking everyone to wear a specific t shirt with her choice if wording? If you are the one completely organizing the party then as host yes you can REQUEST certain things. If you really wanted people to wear a specific t shirt then you should have gone out ordered them and then given them to each person and asking if they could wear this. As a proper host you ask and then if someone does not comply you simply smile and say thank you for coming.

But it sounds like you are not the host but helping. So you should shut your mouth and just enjoy your granddaughter first birthday....you are making a mountain out of a molehill as in the end only you being an a$$ and causing an uproar over something so minor could likely ruin the party.

Even if you want to make a comparison like you did above...would it really ruin a wedding if someone wore white? No likely others would just think that person was an idiot but the wedding wound not fall apart...same if you brought something other than a host requested ...so what? Or if you don't wear the same color shirt that was asked.....these are all small things that do not ruin a celebration unless they host has poor manners and points this out.

1 Reply

@Mame,

Mame wrote:

Why don't you let your daughter deal with this? It's her request and her daughter.

And, for the record, it should say, "Only GiGi of blah blah" because she IS the only. Saying "First..." implies there will be a second, which there won't.

I just think some things should just be understood. There's no need to say First or Only because my mom is the only great-grandma. And I'm with you, first implies there will be a second which makes no sense. And I am planning this with my daughter. She is fully aware of what I'm doing to assist her. Yes, this is her child but I'm helping. Is there a problem with that?

1 Reply

@Mame,

Mame wrote:

How about him? I think they should wear what they want and just hold up a sign saying who they are... they're never going to wear those t-shirts again. Waste of money.

But... not my decision.

It's not a waste of money when you're dealing with a child for their first birthday party. My other daughter had a b-day for one of her kids a few years ago and it was based on the Baby Shark theme. I still wear my "Granddaddy Shark" shirt because I love my other granddaughter and I love wearing the shirt. What you may consider a waste and wouldn't do someone else may not.

0 Replies

@Barry2021,

Is there a problem with that? Of course not, but you are making an issue out of a non-issue. Who the hell cares what's on their shirts? This is your daughter's party - help by arranging the decorating and catering - you don't need to be the boss of everything. If your daughter has an issue with the wording, why not let her deal with it? If she doesn't, then leave it alone. You are micro-managing this.

0 Replies

@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

Barry2021 wrote:

How many women would wear white to a wedding simply because they wanted to or they looked good in that white outfit or dress? Probably none. Why? Because it's an unwritten rule that women don't wear white to a wedding. I've been to other birthday and anniversary celebrations where each person was asked to wear a certain color and I didn't buck what was asked of me simply because I wanted to be unique. I followed what was asked of me. Same here. Please do not think I'm trying to argue with anyone, but I'm the type of person that if I'm invited to something and I'm asked to do something then I do what is being asked. If I am invited to a Super Bowl party and asked to bring the beer then I bring beer not tequila or vodka.

Really? You are comparing a wedding to an infant's burthday?

These are not even legit comparisons. Is your 1 year granddaughter asking everyone to wear a specific t shirt with her choice if wording? If you are the one completely organizing the party then as host yes you can REQUEST certain things. If you really wanted people to wear a specific t shirt then you should have gone out ordered them and then given them to each person and asking if they could wear this. As a proper host you ask and then if someone does not comply you simply smile and say thank you for coming.

But it sounds like you are not the host but helping. So you should shut your mouth and just enjoy your granddaughter first birthday....you are making a mountain out of a molehill as in the end only you being an a$$ and causing an uproar over something so minor could likely ruin the party.

Even if you want to make a comparison like you did above...would it really ruin a wedding if someone wore white? No likely others would just think that person was an idiot but the wedding wound not fall apart...same if you brought something other than a host requested ...so what? Or if you don't wear the same color shirt that was asked.....these are all small things that do not ruin a celebration unless they host has poor manners and points this out.

OMG, maybe I'm making an issue out of this because it means a lot to me. You don't have any skin in the game so of course it shouldn't be a big deal to you what anyone has on their shirts. No, a woman wearing white to someone else's wedding is not going to ruin the wedding per se but you can best believe that a number of the women will have several side conversations about "can you believe she did that? The nerve of her." This is my granddaughter's 1 birthday and I want it to be a fun event for her and not someone wanting the focus on them. Can I just not have this one? 2nd birthdays, 3rd birthdays, and so one and so forth may not be that big of a deal but this is the 1st birthday. Just go with the flow and stop making it about you and what you want people to see on your shirt. My niece wants "1st to know" on her shirt which now people are going to be questioning her and now she gets to tell the story about how my daughter called her first when she found out she was pregnant. Someone had to be the first to know but why make your shirt about that? By now we all know that you were the first to know so there's no story there.

2 Replies

@Barry2021,

Barry2021 wrote:

OMG, maybe I'm making an issue out of this because it means a lot to me. This is my granddaughter's 1 birthday and I want it to be a fun event for her ... Can I just not have this one? ... Just go with the flow and stop making it about you and what you want people to see on your shirt.

Sounds to me like you want it to be about what you want. You're doing the same thing you're accusing others of, are you not, Barry?

1 Reply

@Barry2021,

Really do you think a 1 minute conversation with another adult will take away the fun for your granddaughter?

I have two kids now young adults when they had their first birthdays their were lots if side conversations with other adults it certainly did not take,away from the attention on the child.

The kid is not even going to remember it ...it is funny because you say you want your granddaughter to have fun at her birthday...the shirt wearing will have zero impact on a 1 year-olds fun. Diving into her cake will be fun, having her family around her and playing with her will be fun, opening her presents and playing with the paper and empty boxes will be fun. You all could have f you on your t shirts it won't impact her fun.

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@Mame,

Mame wrote:

Barry2021 wrote:

OMG, maybe I'm making an issue out of this because it means a lot to me. This is my granddaughter's 1 birthday and I want it to be a fun event for her ... Can I just not have this one? ... Just go with the flow and stop making it about you and what you want people to see on your shirt.

Sounds to me like you want it to be about what you want. You're doing the same thing you're accusing others of, are you not,
Barry?

Bingo it means a lot to Barry... I think it is his fun we are ruining and his vision of what a first birthday should be. You can have this one...we aren't stopping you...but maybe you could really think here and see what is really important...my guess is that your granddaughter gets a little love and attention. Rather than adults causing drama over something written on a shirt.

0 Replies

Granddaughter's 1st birthday: What to put on a shirt?

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