COMFORTABLY NUMB

I am contented now too, but not very cocky about it. We learn to listen to ourselves over time - you know, I think life is one big conversation with oneself. Not entirely, of course, but that continuing conversation is important. We have to have had long conversations with ourselves - or at least start them - to really converse with and love others.




Well, love some others, like some others, get in the shoes of others, even others we don't respect.

Ossobuco wisely observed:



We have long conversations and we repeat the long conversations with variations and shadings and spiral towards understanding.

My usual analogy is the Kreb's cycle - my usual analogy for anything I can get to fit it...

That's a feedback-inhibition system, where a buildup of one chemical triggers something else, and so on, in a cycle.

I agree with your word spiral...

I have lived through so much less than all of you, its humbling - but, I have no net. Thats it.

I'm in a way proud (too dogmatically proud perhaps) that I retained the openness of a child - come in and take me. But it means I keep getting hurt.

That was just in re: to Soz ... reading on now. Jesus, Edgar. <nods>

I'd never seen my life as being so fortunate, straight forward & lacking in troubles till I read the posts here. Strange, but it hasn't felt that way, exactly...

A contented life?

Only today do I know what that means.
Today my life is full of normal everyday conflicts, basic love and trust, and survivable stress.
Though these little things can be nerve racking, I dont have to fear for my life because of where I am. I dont have to worry about sexual assault, I dont have to fret about simple things like clean clothes, food, blistered skin from sun burn, wether or not I am safe... all these things are not a part of my life anymore.
Being content is an understatement.
I live a priviledged life. I am surrounded by people I love, people who will keep me safe and happy and for once in my life, I can return those things as well.
But, if I had to go through everything again , I would do it. No question. I love where I am. I am proud of WHO I am and WHAT I am. In order for me to be here... I had to go though that.
And now, i am content.

Aw...... you all brought a couple tears to my eyes. I'm glad to see that most (all?) of you have overcome the bad stuff.

You're still here, nimh, so you have a net. And you've been through plenty.

One thing that worries me -- this was something else I first started thinking about with the "you're lucky" friend -- is the idea of a hierarchy of woe, that those who have suffered most are somehow most worthy. I don't think that's true. (I also don't think that's come up here, but a few comments nudged my thinking in that direction.)

There does seem to be a certain type of person who has been untouched by adversity and who has never really had to stretch that I tend not to like. But there are also many, many people who have had lives that are not particularly awful, but who still have eyes, who still have a deep understanding of the world, still have plenty of wisdom. I've never bought that wisdom can only be obtained through experience.

You make a good point, Soz . . . certainly such experiences have made many people mean and nasty like those who had abused or belittled them. It is a point which ought to be remembered.

Agreed.

Soz, you make a good point. Some people learn everything the hard way. Some people have raised suffering to an art form and although we can understand how trouble affects ourselves and others it is important to keep moving forward. My Dad never forgot any slight his entire life. He could be incredibly generous and compassionate and awfully funny, but he had a dark and bitter side that could conjure up awful memories as if it had just happened. My brother and I did everything we could to make life easier for him, but he really didn't want anything to be easier. Or maybe it was just impossible for him. I don't know.....I do wish he had more joy in his life.

Something else to think about, some people brush off their own trouble when listening to others and assume that they have not had a hard life compared to the other person. That may or may not be true, especially if you are in a place where you are now content. I don't think you have to have difficulty in life in order to recognize difficulty.....And sometimes the most unsympathetic people are those who have gone thru similar circumstances. I think I need to think about this some more so I can actually make some sense here. Right now all I'm doing is rambling. Sorry, I'll be back when I'm more coherent,

i doubt there is a fully functional family to be found on the planet

Soz great point.
That is why I stand by my statment " It isnt the experiences that makes the person, it is what they take from them, learn, and WHO they become afterwords that makes a person great"

Some people, - it is out of thier control- They can NOT cope with the crap that is delt to them. They become mean, hateful, angry, rude, nastyas a defence. Or, simply because it is what was taught.. so there for they know nothing else.
Not all people who are a-holes have been delt a plate of **** that had the lable " LIFE" written in chocolate. But some of the a-holes are not able to cope. They dont have the psychological tools, sometimes the IQ, no role model...etc. They dont seek tools to benefit themselves either. . Wich I think is even worse.

Re: COMFORTABLY NUMB


Hungry? I have been reduced to stealing packets of crackers from salad bars and packets of ketchup to make "ketchup soup." (Add hot water.) And I've visited friends so I could eat at their houses when I couldn't afford food.

Lonely? You bet. To the point of being suicidal? You bet. Especially when I was married the first time. I've never been lonelier than that. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you have to be alone to be lonely. I was so lonely that a mere kind word from a stranger could reduce me to tears. And sometimes did.

Homeless? I left that marriage with $300, my badly dented car, and whatever personal possessions and clothing I could fit into that car. I took off for another state with no job possibilities and no idea of where I would live. Or how. No real friends there, either.

Broke? Of course. That $300 didn't last long. Not even long enough to find a part-time job. I wound up moving into a cheap one-bedroom apartment in the worst part of town with two girls I'd never met, a stinky dog and more than a few mice. I held my nose, closed my eyes, and slept on the couch. Good news...in two years I'd tripled my take-home pay, had a stable job, lots of friends, and a nice two-bedroom apartment in the good part of town with a decent roommate. That lasted until I became one of the victims of a notorious serial rapist. Then I lost my job, more than a few "friends," and developed health problems in the process. It was back to Square One again.

Well, all that was just in two years or so. I've been through a lot more since. Fortunately (and I believe we do have a hand in our own fortune) my life now is very settled, very good. I intend to enjoy it as much as possible for as long as it lasts.

I've always agreed with those who say it isn't what happens to you, it's how you decide to take it. And I agree with soz that it's not necessary to experience everything to gain wisdom. However, I believe experience does make us much more empathetic.

Oh, and Setanta....no, I don't think we're very much alike. Except that we're both survivors. I do admire you very much, though. <hugs>

You are very kind, and too kind, indeed, as my life has only been difficult because of my own foolishness and pigheadedness. You have an account full of hugs from me upon which you can draw at any time you like.

Re: COMFORTABLY NUMB


Eva, I could just sit and bawl buckets. Hope you don't mind a (((((((EVA)))))) from a total stranger, but your story (and others like it that I have heard) resonates with me soooo much!

What you describe is basically why I always avoided matrimony like the PLAGUE. It's heartwarming to hear that circumstances are better for you now. May that continue for the remainder of your life!

I've personally known many people who could not overcome adversity, and so remained trapped in petty, hateful situations their whole lives. I don't think it has to do with intelligence- -Some of the folk I speak of were pretty sharp. A certain natural optimism may be required. I've never really had many answers.

I didnt mean that people who are not intelligent are the only ones who dont survive life issues.
I was just speaking of the small percentage of people who are not able to cope , - because- they dont have the intelligance, common sense, or mental capability to do so. ( mentally retarded, sociopathic, schitzophrenic etc.. )
I didnt mean that to be a general statement. I was really speaking for the small percentage who have mental issues against them as well as a horrible life.

Doesn't it make you wonder what we as human beings would be like if everything was perfect? No war, no animosity, everyone having the same lives, no individuality. Who was it that said humans need adversity and tragedy in their lives in order to get closer, share and overcome it together? Perhaps not in those words exactly. I think we would be unaccepting of a life that was mundane - we have to have the rollercoaster ups and downs. We have to know sadness and tragedy to truly appreciate happiness and success. It is not a pretty thing when bad things happen but I think they are or can be counterbalanced by the good things and make those things sweeter. It is disturbing to hear many of the sadder experiences of some people but it is so heartening to know that the human spirit is strong.