COMFORTABLY NUMB

No leaves, m'laddie..

I'm humbled by reading this thread, and I feel almost
guilty that I've lead a sheltered life so far. Haven't gone
hungry, haven't been lonely, and haven't had any
bad experiences to speak of, really.

It is amazing how many obstacles some people have
to overcome, and how strong they become, and what
a positive outlook in life they've gathered from all this.

Kudos to all of you!

I've never been truely hungry. I have been homeless, but never for more than a couple of months. I was homeless once with cats and a dog. That was interesting. Lonely? Yes, but I've never seriously contemplated suicide, though the thought has crossed my mind before. Broke - yes, and often.

Have you ever been hungry ? I mean truly hungry--have you ever gone more than two days with nothing to eat ?

not really, i've had to live off what was left in the cupboard, but never no food at all

Have you ever been lonely ? So lonely that you felt a stranger in every crowd, so lonely you contemplated suicide ?

i'm a fairly solitary person, mush like set i was constantly surrounded by "friends", but most were drinking buddies, not true friends, i tend to make accquaintances more than friends, and any thoughts of suicide have been more closely linked with a general disgust for the direction my life was heading (nowhere) than any feeling of loneliness

Have you ever been homeless ? Have you ever been on the road or the street with absolutely no idea where you would land, and whether you would land on your feet ?

couch surfed for a couple of years in toronto, and actually lived in the back of my workplace for about six months, i'd leave work and then come back later and crash in the back office, don't know if anybody knew but they never said

Have you ever been broke ? Have you ever truly lived from hand to mouth, not knowing from one day to the next if you could buy food, pay the rent, pay the bills, put five bucks in the gas tank ?

only because i was complete f-up about money, too much drink, too many drugs (again like set, all behind me now)


What are you like . . .


. . . are you like . . . me ?

probably a little bit

I find it interesting that you mentioned bored history teachers. I think it is true that too many teachers can't make history real for their comfortable students. My grandfather and father would tell me what it was like to live thru the depression. My grandfather remembered going to bed hungry. My father remembered what it was like being a 14 year old boy working on Catholic Charity projects to keep his family afloat. He was part of the crew that built the original barracks at Ft. Meade Maryland. (That may not have been part of Catholic Charities, probably more likely one of the New Deal Projects) My Dad has been gone since 1999, so I can't confirm the details regarding which project was managed by what large group. Personally, I have had it way too well. But perhaps the stories I heard first hand from my parents, grandparents and the neighbors who lived thru the German occupation and concentration camps made a large imprint on me. We can read about genocide and shake our heads in what we think is understanding....but recently I watched "Hotel Rwanda" and had the crap scared out of me all over again. I think it is important to remember that just because we have not had horrific things happen to us, does not mean that it could never happen.

You have my deep and sincere sympathy.

You ok, Boss?

Sure, howzabout yerself ?

Besides being too damned hot, I'm ok.

Hope so, boss.


(Look, the introverts are circling!




Snark in the water!)

<heehee>

i'm sure there are worse things to be

I've written of my past on several threads, so won't bore everyone by getting into too many details. Born of migrant workers, raised in a family with 12 kids and a sadistic bastard for a step father, who spent his money on drink and running around, leaving us to make do with welfare money payed to the three oldest kids. Yep, been hungry, wore rags to school (wire holding the soles of my shoes so they didn't flap in the wind). Walked away from home one day to ride the freight trains and hitch hike. I might be in San Francisco one day, take a notion to go to Kansas City or New York, and start walking in the general direction with less than a dollar in my pocket. Did this even after a hitch in the Navy, until my oldest brother got murdered. After that, I slowly began settling down. Didn't start to mature until about fifteen years ago.

Someone should link edgar's thread. What was the name of it?

Some of the best writing I've ever read.

The fact that it was true...<no words>

Here's one.

edgar--

I thought I'd search for your uses of "brother".

You have 194.

I plan to bring some more. Hope you don't mind.

Edgar.

bm.

I'll be back.

Have you ever been hungry ? I mean truly hungry--have you ever gone more than two days with nothing to eat ?

No - I have had to live off whatever was around in the house - you know, weeties for breakfast lunch and tea - for a week or two a few times. But that is ennui, not hunger.

Have you ever been lonely ? So lonely that you felt a stranger in every crowd, so lonely you contemplated suicide ?

Sure.


Have you ever been homeless ? Have you ever been on the road or the street with absolutely no idea where you would land, and whether you would land on your feet ?

No - thank goddess.



Have you ever been broke ? Have you ever truly lived from hand to mouth, not knowing from one day to the next if you could buy food, pay the rent, pay the bills, put five bucks in the gas tank ?

Yep.

But only briefly - after I graduated. I was ill, and couldn't cope with the crap work I had put myself through uni on, so I was on the dole.

I had no interview type clothes, (I was down to one pair of rubber sandals - and the dog ate those!) so I could not go for graduate jobs until I was able to save up enough to buy an interview outfit. I was actually shoeless for about a month.

I got better enough to get some cleaning jobs - which I bussed to barefoot, to supplement the dole - and got to buy a pair of shoes and an interview outfit - so things went uphill after that.

I had friends who would have helped - but I was too proud to ask them!!!!!

But - all that is WAY different from thinking that is gonna be your life. I knew things would get better - and there was help there if I really needed it.

After my mum died, I lived an odd life of meanness and scarcity amidst plenty, because my father was pathologically unable to spend money on day to day things. He could spend it on big stuff, though.

So - weirdly:

I was at a very expensive private school - but - I wore the same uniform, shoes, sports shoes, all that from year six to year twelve - luckily I didn't get a lot bigger in those years (grew and developed early) - but our Principal was very rude and scathing about my uniform and I was too embarrassed to say anything.

I was in rags in mufti, too - so much so that a best friend''s mum (her folks owned a swanky department store) did not want her daughter to be seen out and about with me - she thought it was a bad look for the shop.

But - I had a HORSE!!!! How weird is that........

I won a scholarship in year 10 - and there was a living allowance attached to it - but I thought my wealthy father was very poor - so I handed it over to him!

I got a uni scholarship - also with a living allowance -- and KEPT that one, as well as working - so I could buy clothes and such from 17 on.

Now I am a hopeless spendthrift - prolly cos of all the years of feeling so bad and guilty if I asked for anything.

I think the horse was a brief burst of ability to break out of his pathology for my father after my mother died. She kept him in check while she was alive. If my sister had lived, I think as a pair of teenagers we would have been able to get my father to behave more reasonably - but alone - oy veh!

That still is not the weeest bit like real poverty, though. It is just weird.


What are you like . . .


. . . are you like . . . me ?

Dunno. I am very lucky.

Set, have you read my biography? No, well;

After I ran away from the orphanage aged about 14, I was hungry and on the run, although less than if I had stayed. Breakfast was to pull up another notch on the belt.

Once on my own I knew nobody in the outside world. I was a stranger, but strangely, I was never lonely. After all, I was my own best friend.

Homeless and broke go hand in hand, catch one and the other comes free. I got ?'caught' about eight months later and charged with vagrancy. When I was released, just before my 18th birthday, I was given the same set of clothes I had been brought in with and a ticket outta town.

I look back fondly on those times as the highpoint of my life, as it has been downhill ever since.

"What are you like . . . are you like me?"

I wish.

bm