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Sun 17 Jul, 2005 03:40 pm
if i fail to make it out of dis war from da depths of da streets
jus no while ma heart beats i still march on if it takes me weeks
if i could rewind da hands of time i wouldnt be lost in dis rhyme
search'n for an answer to find without no explanations to define
cuz without dat **** i did in da eyez of da police was a crime
when i was a kid grow'n up i needed you as much as you needed me
even though you collapsed under pressure you were still ma mommy
no amount of bad words and yell'n you did could ever change dat
i even remember wen you told me prolems werent solved wit a gat
for every mother do'n it witout dey baby's father
and for you ma cuz ya one of a kind dere is no other
i dont no wat i would do witout you you set me right
wen i was pushed and shoved you taugfht me to fight
so dis is ma thank you for everything dat you do
and ima continue to hold our memories of value
never forgot dat your lessons still hold an very important value
and who woulda knew i neva need'd a father jus a mother as i grew
through ma moms i became da man i am from da man i feared ta be
im talk'n about da fake man dat had left us on our own so easily
as long as we were dere nothin was impossible cuz we was together
made us feel like we was nothin but dat fool didnt know we had eachother
den one horrible day fate had interfered and we were no longer together
unnaturally rip'd from ma mother den turned to streets for another
someone who felt ma pain and knew of wat was go'n on in ma brain
someone who would see me prolems and tell jus ta go n' leave da game
but i jus want ya to know i love you and every thing dat you do
for every mother do'n it witout dey baby's father
and for you ma cuz ya one of a kind dere is no other
i dont no wat i would do witout you you set me right
wen i was pushed and shoved you taugfht me to fight
so dis is ma thank you for everything dat you do
and ima continue to hold our memories of value
14 lo0ks and n0 feed c0me 0n diis siite use ta be reliiable wiit dat shiit feel me
cant tell me y0ur all iign0rent liike dat ya n0 feed'n liiars try'n t0 say diis b0ard iis f0r feed'n and n0ne 0f ya'll feed I d0nt beliieve iit n0t even a liil feed? damn
You might get more responses if you post in a bigger font.
Here's my first reaction: you explain yourself well, get the meaning and emotion across by telling us.
This is the best line: through ma moms i became da man i am from da man i feared ta be
im talk'n about da fake man dat had left us on our own so easily
More imagery could make the whole thing stronger. Show us. What are images from the streets you could give to make it seem real to us.
Think about The Message (Grandmaster Flash), that old school classic: "Broken glass everywhere, people pissin' on the streets like they just don't care. Rats in the front room, roaches in the back, junkie's in the corner with a baseball bat.."
Just a few more concrete images will make it solid.
yea I feel dat but wen ya g0 0verb0ard wiit da descriiptii0ns iit den seems alm0st fake liike pe0ple cant beliieve iits really liike dat ya n0 but iima w0rk 0n dat and see h0w iit turns 0ut
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