"Breathe"

whew.

good one.

da fl0w was 0ff a biit but 0ther den dat niice j0b

What do u no bout flow scrapz

Hey. Could you for once talk about the work and not about yourselves?

Ok since it's your first post I'll be nice

First a piece of advice: if you can avoid it don't write in this teenage rapper style with all the "neva"s and "u"s... it just irritates anybody who doesn't write like that and will reduce the number of people reading your work

Secondly before I start none of this is personal criticism. It is my honest opinion of what you have written and you can take it or leave it but it is all impartial advice designed to help you improve your writing. Welcome to A2K

Okay now for my analysis:

Never kiss the unkissable
Never break the unbreakable

Good start - i like it - it flows

Never try to hit it
never try to kiss it

Repetitive but that tends to work in rap - I'm assuming this is rap: sorry if it's not but it doesn't feel like prose

You will only get pain

I understand the sentiment but it's bland

Sometimes you wish somethin' like love will walk through your door

After the punch that the first two lines packed this doesn't hold the attention as well... but okay we can hang in there

Sorry it won't happen once more

The inequality in line length screws with your rhyme scheme so you may need another line in there or alternatively shorten the first one. I'd do that as, like i said, I think you're losing emphasis with such a long line

lies after lies
hate after hate
bitches after bitches
will try to break u but
never take you down

This is what I meant. Your first two lines have this kind of run on getting-faster-and-louder quality that you've recaptured here. THIS is your strength so play to it.

some try to get what you have but they won't
cos they don't know about what u have

Weak. You're repeating yourself in a drawn out way and it doesn't even make sense

sick and tired
of the same bullshit
sick and tired of the same games you play

*shrugs* I'd steer away from this sort of thing. I know that you ARE 15.. but it sounds very 15-year-old-rapper-trying-to-sound-hard. Too many people use a variation of this exact phrase for it to have any real meaning. Say what you mean, not what's obvious


Now i am goin to walk out and kiss what is kissable
and touch the untouchable

Did you mean to do this? Kissable and UNtouchable? I could be wrong but I doubt it. I like it though.

Solid ending