The terrifying word salad of Donald Trump Jr and Kimberly Guilfoyle at CPAC was surprisingly entertaining
Itâs the WWE-style intro that will be scarred into most attendeesâ minds forever
Like a star-studded finale of Americaâs Got No Talent, CPAC kicked off today with a promising line-up of Z-list political celebrities desperate to get their voices heard over meanie liberal cancel culture. Ted Cruz called Joe Biden âDarth Vaderâ; Josh Hawley claimed âWashington subsidizes Twitterâ and reminisced about about growing up in a âworking class town in Missouriâ (where he went to private school paid for by his banker father and then attended Stanford, the same college as his mother.) But everybody knew the real event to watch tonight, and it was âReigniting the American Dreamâ, starring Donald Trump Jr and his indomitable cheerleader Kimberly Guilfoyle.
Now, you might say that having Don Jr present a speech called âReigniting the Spirit of the American Dreamâ is a bit like having Rudy Giuliani lecture on how to book a prestigious venue for your next high-profile press conference. But this couple actually has a surprising amount to give â at least in pure entertainment value.
For one thing, despite our obvious ideological differences, thereâs a part of me that canât help but love Kimberly Guilfoyle. She so successfully channels the raw energy of a childrenâs TV presenter from an apocalyptic wasteland. âI love Florida!â she cried, bouncing out onstage tonight. âWhatâs not to love compared to California and New York, right?â There was no reaction from the audience, but she didnât need it. Head down and smile pasted on, she just plowed straight on through.
Yes, Kim likes to bring the enthusiasm, and I respect that. She infamously screamed at the Republican National Convention that âTHE BEST â IS YET â TO COME!â
just before Trump lost the election, and no one could accuse her of lying. Today, she told us President Biden is âleading from behind. From behind Kamala, that is! Ha! True story!â After a pause for laughter that didnât come, she added that America is crawling with âsocialists and communists [who] want to see our nation burn.â She predicted that ex-president Trump would achieve âmore from his desk in Mar-a-Lago than Biden and Kamala will in the next four years.â I suppose that all depends if you count achievements in public policy or personal golf handicaps, but who am I to judge her truth?
The Republican Party will be âreborn as a party of the working class and minorities,â Guilfoyle promised us,
on the day minimum wage legislation came to a standstill in the Senate because of a lack of Republican support. President Trump himself, of course, referred to Black Lives Matter as a âsymbol of hateâ a few months ago. I guess the GOP must be one of those old âdouble bluffâ parties, like how the Communist Party of China is secretly sponsored by Starbucks or how President Rouhani of Iran runs a world-leading feminist party but doesnât like to boast about it.
Self-referential as they come, Kimberly finished off her own speech with the old catchphrase, âYes! The best is yet to come!â before turning toward the stage and giving Don Jr a full WWE-style intro that will be scarred into the minds of attendees forever: âPlease welcome THE SON OF THE LEADER OF THE WARRIOR MAGA MOVEMENT OF CONSERVATIVE VALUES, DONALD TRUMP JUNIORRRRRR!â And like he believed for a second that heâd been invited onstage at Madison Square Garden, Junior strutted out to booming music and greeted the audience with: ââHOWâS IT GOINâ, CPAC?â A lesser woman would have cringed. Kimberly, instead, glowed.
The juryâs been out for a while on whether or not Don Jr is the actual son of the 45th president or an elaborate piece of performance art, and today didnât make it any clearer. Chest puffed out like a pigeon on heat, Junior made topical references to quail-hunting and spent an inordinate amount of time attacking âLincoln Project Lizâ, i.e. Liz Cheney, a member of his own party. It didnât quite land. âThereâs competent women and incompetent women,â he rambled at one point, ââŚbut people get away with it by talking about diversity blindly.â What? I donât know. Nobody does.
The world salad kept on coming. âThis month alone, theyâve banned the Muppets and made a gender-neutral Mr Potato Headâ (the former, of course, is just straightforwardly not true, and the latter was a decision taken by a private company, though it is endearing to think of Joe Biden immediately getting to work on toy spuds during his first two months in power.) Democrats are âtrying to ban Fox Newsâ. Everything these days is down to âliberal privilegeâ. Something-something-Hunter-Biden, who is âmaking billions in China right nowâ and stole his fatherâs votes, dammit.
Before Kim and Don came onstage tonight, I remarked to my partner that they would be the worst double act since Adam Sandler played himself and his own twin sister in the terrible 2011 comedy Jack and Jill. In hindsight, however, I feel thatâs unfair. Kim is one of the most watchable people affiliated with the GOP, and even Don has his moments of unbridled truth. When he said his fatherâs speech on Sunday would not be âlow-energyâ and would
âsolidify all your feelings about Trump and the MAGA movement,â I thought: thatâs fair. Does Junior tend to vacuum the charisma out of a room faster than a black hole colliding with a neutron star? Well, yes, but if youâd spent your childhood being fathered by Donald J Trump, you might have developed that coping strategy too. Iâm willing to forgive him that.
Sadly for New Yorkâs performance art scene, Kim ânâ Don are reportedly planning to relocate permanently to Florida. I suspect, however, that this isnât the last weâve seen of them. The best is⌠well, you know the phrase.
https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/cpac-donald-trump-jr-kimberly-guilfoyle-speech-b1808338.html