How stupid is Trump?

Of all the many wonderful things about Donald Trump becoming 47th President of the United States, arguably the MOST wonderful thing has been the rise in stature of Elon Musk.

Working his way up from humble beginnings as the son of a multi-millionaire emerald dealer, South Africa-born Musk has overcome huge obstacles, such as having no talent and being dislikeable, to become one of the President's most trusted and powerful advisors. And while left-wing snowflakes write him off as a power-crazed wanker with the emotional maturity of a 6-year-old, one Luton sex offender has spoken out to condemn that portrayal as both OFFENSIVE and WRONG.

"Elon is one of the greatest men to ever of lived, confirms 61-year-old retired intern REGGIE CORNPOPS.

For the past three months, Cornpops has been running 'DOLGE'- the Department Of Luton Government Efficiency- a one man unregulated task force dedicated to reducing what he dubs the "sickening levels" of corruption infesting his local council. "I've seen with my own eyes the bloated wastefulness of my local government," sighs Reggie, cracking open a two-litre bottle of white cider.

"I myself have been wrongfully arrested TWENTY-SIX times for so-called 'crimes' such as public masturbation, shoplifting and major credit card fraud. When I think of all the taxpayer pounds that were squandered on those unnecessary jail sentences, court dates and ankle tags, it brings tears to my eyes."

"I wanted DOLGE to get a clear insight into just how wastefully a local government office is run. With that in mind, I decided to select a council official at random and track their activities throughout a single working day.

By coincidence, the councilman I chose happened to be a bloke named Alan Baldershot - a right nasty piece of work with whom I'd been unfortunate enough to cross paths with in the past. 'Baldershit' as I call him ( I would call him Baldyshit, but unfortunately he has a full head of hair) is a pen-pushing puritan, who has campaigned fervently to end such harmless activities as workplace sexual harassment and woodland-based group masturbation. In recent years he's also pissed away HUNDREDS of pounds of taxpayer money having Muggins here wrongfully arrested for acts that I won't go into right now, but which, suffice it to say, I definitely did not do.

I wanted to see how dedicated this 'PC' maniac was to his job, so at 8am sharp on a Monday morning, I arrived outside his office, concealing myself in a bush outside the back window. He arrived 15 minutes later, and I watched the woke-crazed jobsworth make himself a cup of tea - Ker-ching! Five pence out of Johnny Taxpayer's pocket - before going back to his desk.

What Baldershit didn't know was that I had emptied a bottle of prescription only laxative into his kettle before he had arrived.

What I witnessed through my binoculars over the next few hours made me physically sick to my stomach. So-called public servant Baldershit did not spend more than FIVE MINUTES at his desk during the entire working day. Rather than do what he was paid to do - ie. dealing with important local government matters in his office - the workshy fat cat was ensconced in the council office gents for the thick end of SIX hours. And who was footing the bill for this utterly wasted workday (not to mention the ludicrous quantities of toilet roll utilised)? You've guessed it - the ripped-off citizens of Luton.

Luckily, I was able to crane my hand in through the bathroom window and subtly film a few videos of the bastard ' hard at work' on the thunderbox. In the interest of total transparency I duly published my findings on 'X', uploading several clips of Baldershit looking wrung out on the lavatory and writing: "DOLGE requests the IMMEDIATE resignation of Councillor Alan Baldershot following an entire workday spent shitting in the bog # DOLGE # TaxpayerWaste # MakeLutonGreatAgain

*****
I was in the precinct one evening, having a relaxing drink, when someone - presumably a deep state puppet in the service of the borough - happened to film me as I made a few light-hearted remarks about foreigners, gays, and German military history. Just like with Elon's hand gesture, these comments were prised from their original context and posted online to make me look like some kind of fascist, which I'm definitely not.

The Lutonian legacy media picked up on it, of course, with the local rags running inflammatory headlines like 'Multiple sex offender delivers drunken nazi rant', and before you could say 'deep state psyop' the filth were knocking on my door again and arresting me for racial abuse, breaking and entering, theft and illegally filming someone on the toilet.

It was - and still is - the most preposterous thing I'd ever heard in my life.