Wed 11 Nov, 2020 01:24 pm
My grandmother has been living with my fiancé and I for a little under a year. It has been awful. Some examples:
-I am of mixed race and on and off over the past couple of months she has made some really inappropriate, racist comments about people of color.
-I have more than a few friends who are a part of the LGBTQ+ community and she constantly makes homophobic remarks and “jokes”.
-She constantly brings up my mother, who has been dead for almost 3 years, in an unflattering way.
-She was sneaking prescription painkillers (that she was given because of back surgery) but hid them from us and didn’t confess to abusing them until we found her overdosed and had to call an ambulance, which is a trigger for my fiancé that has had family members succumb to addiction issues.
Those are just the big ones. I care about her very much, but we are a very young couple and having her here is just too much. I’ve tried nicely confronting her and we have gotten into arguments about her behavior. I have crippling anxiety and she constantly throws me into panics, I can’t sleep at night because of her. I’ve tried telling her I don’t think her living here any longer is a good idea, she started looking for apartments but then I had a bad panic attack and she drove me to the ER, and now acts like I “owe her for saving my life” (my life was not in danger) and stopped looking. I’ve also talked to our local office of aging, but with the state she is in now, insurance won’t cover a “home” and we cannot afford to send her somewhere and neither can she. I just don’t know how to get her out of my house without offending her or ruining what little of a relationship we still have left.
If you have other family members, maybe you can talk to them about this situation and see how they can help you. I went through something similar with my father who I just didn't get along with. He moved in with me and my son and kept trying to argue with me about things that never happened, but when he hurt my 3 year old son's feelings one day, I got very angry and decided to kick him out in the worst way possible, but then I couldn't do that to my own father, so I took my son and moved out instead. I left him the apartment which he paid a small portion for but then he got stuck paying the whole rent. I put my things in storage and moved in with my sister while I found another apartment which I did in one month. My father didn't speak to me for several years and I was happy again. I couldn't kick him out, or ask other family members to take him in because I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I just couldn't be around him anymore because he was difficult to deal with.