Christmas Gifts

It's nice to hear from someone who really knows what gift giving is all about.

You could be playful and drop not so subtle hints that this year, they should up their gift game because you're planning on upping yours.

But to be fair:

You say this and we have to take your word for it. It's a very subjective statement. We don't know if you did or didn't. Can you at least verify this sentiment?

Also, no one here knows your financial status (and the financial status of your neice's immediate family) and/or your place in the family hierarchy. Are you asking too much from someone who lives paycheck to paycheck? Are they worse off than that? Better off than that? How are they handling the COVID situation (financially or otherwise)?

Coming back to this topic, yes you're right tsar, I had been thinking there's just so much information we don't have.

It might even be that the OP got a small gift she can't use because the relative is giving a (maybe not so subtle) hint herself that these Christmas luncheons aren't exactly what her family and kids want to do.

"Yes dear, Aunt Frances is going to be wanting us to come over for Christmas again this year.

Yeah, I know. I'm over it too.

Kids, don't talk about your great aunt like that. I know what she's like, I had to grow up around her.

Let's just get her a box of candy this year. Hopefully she'll catch on. Yeah I know, she's going to have all these "thoughtful" gifts for us that we'll have to make a big deal out of.

Look. It's only once a year.

Where was this luncheon held?

When you say you put thought into the gift selection, am I to take it you got the youngsters Hess Trucks and Sunoco reward cards for the adults?


Bottom line is you are not obliged to get the folks anything. Heck, you don't even have to show up at Denny's this year. Look inside your heart and give from there.

I'm not expecting anything expensive!
Giving a box of candy to a diabetic is uncalled for.

Well, maybe you are right maybe they don't want to get together with
me. I'm not going to suggest getting together this Christmas, so if they
want to, they can suggest it.

I let them select the restaurant. It was a simple family restaurant.

I think that's an excellent idea. But if they never bring it up, don't resent them.

So have you been the one to bring it up every year?

Story from many years ago, when I was in my late 20's...

I had moved about 1000 miles away when I was 20 to finish college, and just got a job and stayed in that area after graduation.

Every year my family and I would ship a box of gifts to each other at Christmas. After a couple of years, I began to notice that I never got my gifts from them until after I knew my package had arrived to them. That continued for a while.
Then, one year I got a box that had the most strange gifts. A size 18 dress when I was a size 6. A obviously cheap plastic handbag, some other odd things. My bf at the time even noticed and said "you always try to pick out things they would like. this is insulting." or words to that effect.

So the following year I just waited. And waited. A package never came from them, so one never got sent.
We never exchanged gifts again.

Frankly it was a relief for me.

Maybe they'll contact you. But don't take offense if they don't.

It's tough sometimes, but I suggest you enjoy the pleasure of giving. You worked hard on thoughtful gifts and you were successful! They were happy with their gifts. Don't expect any gift in return, just enjoy the results of your thoughtfulness. You and your husband can chuckle about their thoughtless return gift after dinner.

It was a backhanded gift. Unplug the annual luncheon. It's time has come and gone.

Thanks for your input.