Weird brain

You should talk to a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist is the expert in brain difference. Your normal doctor can help you get in touch with one.

It sounds like this is bothering you. What you write about feeling isolated sounds terrible. I don't think I specifically relate to what you are experiencing (based only on what you wrote). I suffered emotional trauma in my adolescent/early adult years that I carried for too long. Once I talked to a therapist and started to work through things my life got much better.

I am pretty sure the right person for you to talk to is a psychiatrist. They understand neuroscience but also have more practical knowledge on how to help people with difficulties.

I've been through the mental health care system since I was young and haven't had much success. Just because most psychiatrists I have worked with haven't been the best listeners, and it's been hard being taken seriously when the symptoms I deal with are so stigmatized. But I also... haven't tried going back to therapy since I was young, just because I had such bad experiences. Honestly though, typing this out though is making me think it might be good for me to at least go to therapy again. It's been so long. I don't think it will fix my problems completely but I think it might help.

I think my main reason for posting this is because I just want something more research oriented over treatment oriented. I genuinely want to understand what I'm experiencing.

Taking classes on neuroscience would certainly be interesting (assuming you are in a place in life that you can take college courses.) That sounds like a good idea.

I have had very good experiences with talk therapy. Maybe a psychologist would be a better fit than a psychiatrist for what you want. A therapist wouldn't be research oriented, but a good therapist will help you work through your feelings without a focus on "treatment" (by this do you mean medication).

I am not sure how old you were in your last attempt with therapy. Being a full adult changes this experience. You now have control over the process. You can try a couple therapists out, and find the one that works best for you. If what you want is someone who will listen to you and help you talk through things, you should be able to find someone good.

Yea I was 17, so I came out of that situation feeling completely disempowered since I didn't have much control or say in my treatment, I lived in a household where my caretakers (who still make me feel suicidal when I'm around them for too long to this day) made all of the decisions for me. I also had a really terrible reaction to my several different medications but was pretty much forced to keep taking them by my parents.

I think this lecture might be of interest to you and maybe even more ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esPRsT-lmw8

now WHERE DO I GET IMAGING DONE. ****. I've been thinking this for so long about the mental health system. And its part of the reason why I have been so resistant to going back. Because I think its insane that people put so much faith into the system when there isn't even a way for things to get directly measured. You talk to a psychiatrist for five minutes to 15 minutes and they make life altering decisions for you based on that. You can see how culture has influenced the system on what it means to be ill, a lot of diagnoses are subjective as ****. A lot of mental illnesses are culturally defined and so abstract. And stigma is still very rampant even among professionals. And especially as someone who deals with "psychotic" symptoms.

I'm much inclined to agree with you. Not that that helps, in any way.

It would help if more people agreed and maybe there could be a reformation of some kind haha

In your first post you say say you have feelings that are "traumatic", "unpleasant" and "isolating". I agree that "mental illness" is culturally defined. The label doesn't matter. This is making you unhappy. This is something you should address.

I am sorry about what happened the last time you had treatment. They clearly failed to understand your needs or to treat you well. I still think that you should talk to someone now.

Things will be much better now that you are an adult. No psychologist can make "life altering decisions" without your consent (and no good psychologist will even try). As an adult, if you don't agree with your therapist, you can walk out and find someone who respects you.

There are excellent therapists out there. I encourage you to find one. I have found that most therapists start by asking you what you want. You can simply schedule a one hour meeting and talk to a therapist... and you can ask him questions. If you don't want medicine, or if you are just wary of medicine, tell them up front.

Don't let experiences in your childhood get in the way of you being happy as an adult.

Yea, talk therapy is something that I think would be good for me now, knowing that I have more control than I did as a kid. Really feeling so isolated by my problems and not having anyone to talk to is hurting me.