God Wants me to Own a mansion, with servants.

I'm kinda sure God would have sent me an e-mail if this was true. Checked the SPAM and the junk mail folders and it wasn't there neither.
Maybe my computer can't get those e-mails since it's a bit older.

Tell ya what, send me two thousand dollars so I can get a better computer and then I'll be up to making a deal with you, okay?




....and another two thousand so I can get a nicer desk and chair for the computer and me.
Thanks!

He told me there would be naysayers and unbelievers.

I thought god was only true in fairy tales
Told to someone else and not to me
But god was out to get me
All the cash it seemed
And the cars and mansions of my dreams

Then I saw the bucks, now I'm a believer
Not a huckster's doubt in my mind
I'm in love, oo ah I'm a believer
I'm a deceiver and I lied

I know god is more or less a giving thing
Seems the more you give the more I've got
Even without tryin'
It's flowing through my veins
Now I'm always singing in the rain

Doesn't have to be a Rolls. How do you spell Lamborgini?

Tell God to sell a cow! He owns the cattle on a thousand hills, you know.

And a private jet.

Thing is, if you give great enough donations, God will see to it you receive it back a hundredfold. Hell, I don't know how he does it. He's like a magician or Mitch McConnell. You wake up one day and the money's there. Would God **** you? I just know you can't sit on my money forever, as I am getting old and it will take time to spend it all.

I have an uncle who is worried sick that godless Americans will take the phrase "In God We Trust" off the money.....He sends me warning notes so I can help him fight the God Haters who want to diss God. So I send him emails back explaining that I only carry one dollar bills in my wallet, because I figure God will understand that if I have 50 $1 bills in my wallet it is proof that I love God more than he does. I think it was at that time he unfriended me. Whew!!!

Ya gotta sound more sincere about this "God'll fix you up if you send me a buck" thing.

As a kid, I prayed for god to get me a bike. God dont work that way.
So I stole a bike and asked God to forgive me. That worked.

IZ there a local Fed stash near you??

I know of one on Kansas City. You just gotta figure out how to get the money out soo God can forgive you too.

Youll thank me.I think it sez in the Bible somewhere that "The Lord helps those who help themselves".

So jut help yerself to the money. Theres a Lambo dealer about 75 miles away near Camden NJ. You gotta bring yr own gas if youre going to glom it.

God will certainly forgive that, just a coupla Hail Mary's and a pwrfect act of contrition and Badda Bing, youre with car.

I will designate a trash receptacle in Tomball. Just pull up and drop the dough in, see? and I will send a rider by Hoveround to pick it up. 10 minutes after dusk.

I think people on this site are wise to the evangelists and deserve the sophisticated approach I afford them.

ya think? You need to make some pprediction to have em send mony on. Pick a date far enough into the future that its sorta imminent but not urgent so they can cough it up several times .
And dont call it a mansion call it God's residence on earth, and of course, youre the host.

Im here to help, its what I do.

I am GOD and I didn’t want this for you)

If you truly are GOD let's see you make my coffee into brandy. I will wait.



Nope. No brandy. You fraud.

Thanks. I depreciate it. I do know that if I don't get the money within 25 years the Lord will likely call me home.

can I have your bass boat then?

You can have all of my bass boats, right now if you want.

About that mansion...

Did you want something with spectacular views? Good lighting?

You sir are in luck (all you gotta do is become a through and through Christian- whatever that might be or mean to you).