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I wrote this , some suggestions?

 
 
ai
 
Reply Mon 13 Jun, 2005 10:13 pm
It's a R&B one. here is the lyrics:


love comes like the wind
bring me everything
i wanna keep this beat but
really got no idea
when i heard you 'll go
my soul lose controlled
you'll never know
it makes me wholely sick
never ,ever ,hold you again
don't dare to tell you baby
my world is full of you already

I know
wind gonna take all my love back for ever
it's all incredible ,just like tornado
gonna rock my world ,gonna rock my world
baby ,listen, I will try to survive

wind gonna take all my love back for ever
live without you , may be little better
gotta hold my own ,gotta hold my own
no words,no doubt , I can hold my own love
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Wy
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 Jun, 2005 03:49 pm
Space after, not before, commas and other punctuation.

Song-wise, the third and fourth lines don't seem to fit -- what does a beat have to do with the wind?

substitute "you near" for "this beat"? then the tonado whirls your love away?

just thinking...
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ai
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Jun, 2005 08:06 pm
hey thanks man ,you're good.
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