My mom told me she doesn’t want anything to do with me...

Sun 7 Jul, 2019 02:25 am
So I’m only 14 years old. My mother and I recently got into a big fight with yelling and screaming and vulgarity all around. She said (and has said in the past) things like “you’re worthless” and “the way you feel doesn’t matter”, which leads me to believe that she genuinely doesn’t care all too much about me emotionally, at least. I want to believe that she doesn’t mean those things when she says them, but it still hurts, and I honestly don’t know if she means them or not anyway. Another thing worth noting is that I’ve tried to commit suicide multiple times in the past, and all she had to say to me was I’m selfish for doing that and “I was only doing it for attention”. She never tried to get me help or talk to me about it with sympathy. She also patronizes me for it sometimes.

My sister and I both feel a lot of hatred toward our mother and have for a long time due to years of abuse and emotional neglect. Even when she’s being nice, we still look at her and feel immense anger. We have a lot of built up resentment for her, which is why I think we get really upset with her even for the smallest things, which is what set off our most recent fight. My mother took it as me getting angry over something petty, when really it’s just her pissing me off all of the time no matter what. Whenever I cry, she calls me a crybaby or a pussy and tells me to grow a backbone.

Anyway, I texted my sister in the midst of our fight and she came to get me from my mother’s house (of course, as soon as she got there my mother suited up and calmed herself down to look decent in front of the other people). At first, she wouldn’t let me leave, which I know is her right because she’s the legal guardian and I’m a minor. My sister and I tried to talk to her about it for almost an hour, my sister being much more calm and gentle while I, having inherited my mother’s horrible temper, was yelling and cursing at her. It seemed like no matter what, my mom always had a reason why she wasn’t wrong and got upset whenever we brought up valid points against her. She just wouldn’t listen and eventually forced my sister to leave. As soon she she did, my mom went on a tirade of “ungrateful little bitches” and “selfish little brats” and so on. Then, she told me to get out of her house and that she didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I’ve since spent the day at my sister’s house and my mom hasn't contacted me at all since I left.

Does she hate me? Does she really not want anything to do with me?

I don’t want to stay with my sister forever. I do want to come home eventually. As much as I can’t stand her most of the time, I still have an attachment to my mom and her house and that’s hard to just let go of. I want to go home.

Should I wait a while before coming back? Should I text my mom and apologize? I don’t know about apologizing because I feel that most of the situation isn’t my fault and I don’t want to say sorry just for the sake of saying sorry, I want it to be genuine. I’m scared that my mom really does hate me now and doesn’t want me there.

Another thing I’m afraid of is being forced to go back to public school, as petty as that may sound. I’ve been doing homeschool for a year now and I hate, hate hated going to my public school. My mom threatened me with saying she’s going to send me back and voiced that she is, indeed, going to do that now because of our fight. That school district is really shitty; bullying goes without punishment and fights happen all the time, it’s very filthy and full of sickness and head-lice, the teachers are awful, the students are dangerous... I just hate it.

Bottom-line is, I want to come back home and I don’t want to enroll in public school. I don’t want a long-winded response about how my mother and I should start treating each other, yada-yada-yada... I want to know what I should do in this immediate situation. I’m definitely going to apologize for yelling and calling her names and whatnot, but when and how, is the question. I’m staying the night at my sister’s house tonight. What should I do in the morning? How long should I stay if my mom doesn’t contact me? How should I approach her? What should I say that sways her to give me another chance and not send me back to school? How do I control my anger toward her in the future? Please, please, please answer. Thank you.
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Sun 7 Jul, 2019 03:58 am
No one with a lick of sense would tell you to try to kowtow to someone who's abusing you. Because from what you've said, it sounds an awful lot like she is.

Is your father in the picture at all? Grandparents?

You can get attached to another house. But you can't get back the moments when she's put you down and denigrated you.

At your age, there aren't a helluva lot of options. You're really not in a position to be emancipated and start working. And you rightfully see you need to finish your education.

I also want to point out that mothers and their teenaged daughters have been getting into screaming fights ever since our ape ancestors climbed out of the trees. But this is more, and you know it. This is why I am asking about close relatives who are not your sister.

If you want to apologize for losing your temper and calling her names, that's fine. But you shouldn't have to grovel in order to get back the privilege of living in that house.

Talk to your sister. I bet at least one of the objections your mother made had to do with money. A court, if it comes to that, will also be concerned whether you and your sister can financially support yourselves.

So in the meantime (and this is good practice even if this is your last big argument ever and things are hunky dory till the end of time), both you and your sister should be working on financial responsibility and independence. At your age, that probably means babysitting, maybe mowing lawns now, and shoveling snow in the winter.

A job outside the house, even if you only did it one hour per week, would also help to ratchet down the tension a bit.
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Sun 7 Jul, 2019 06:59 pm
I wonder if there might be some form of family professional counseling, in her area, available to her and her mother.

Doing some internet search might turn up something useful
cicerone imposter
Sun 7 Jul, 2019 07:08 pm
Most communities have social services, and schools have counselors.
Sun 7 Jul, 2019 07:45 pm
@cicerone imposter,
cicerone imposter wrote:

Most communities have social services, and schools have counselors.

Social services might be the way for her to go

I am under the impression that school counseling is aim mainly at career and educational counseling but then again it been decades and decades ago that I had any contact with school counseling myself.

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Sun 7 Jul, 2019 08:37 pm
hello, firstly, i don't know if you have solved your problems. and because of my poor english, i am afraid you can't understand. anyway, i want to answer you questions because i have the similar life experience.
actually, when i was a child, i lived with my grandparents because my parents went out for job, i mean their workplace is really far way from where i live. and they come back home once time a year. my grandpareants are too old to protect me. i dared not to tell anybody when some guys bully me. and i also suffer a lot of worse things. i don’t want to talk that in public. but now, thanks my hardworking in my study, i got a academic qualification and find a well-paid job. i also some guys who want to be my boyfriend
sometimes, you should admit that although most of parents love and respect their children, there are still a good number of possibilitise that your parents really don't love you because of many factors. i know it is miserable to learn that. as i said, i have the similar experience. i ever gone through a long unhappy and sad time
in my opinion, you should go back home even you don't like to do so because you are a child and you have no job to make a living. for you own sake, you should come back home and apologize to your mother if that can make her happy.
of course, i don't think it is a useful way to talk to her about this matter. because i ever tried to do so , but i found it wsa no pointless. they don't care your thoughts and your feelings.
i think the only way to save yourself is to study hard and attend college. i believe that can change your life because it has changed my life.
i am sorry if my answer can't help you. also if you want to talk more, i'd like to talk you with that matter in private

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