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Leaving Now

 
 
Bekaboo
 
Reply Mon 23 May, 2005 08:01 am
We haven't had any new blood in a couple of days... so i scribbled something to pass the time Very Happy

Leaving now

"I'm leaving now,"
she said
Pale hands pressed up against the door
"I won't be a nuisance"
silently adds "anymore"
"I'll be going now,"
she murmured
And barely turned her head
Bites her silent lips
"I'm leaving now,"
she said

Her pale eyes aren't open
And her whitened lips are shut
He doesn't move an inch
To pick the broken things up
He lies so still and silent
Propped against the bed
And watches her with deadened eyes
"I'm leaving now,"
she said

"I mean it now,"
she said
As she opened up the door
"I won't be coming back,
and this time it's for sure"
But he just sits there sleeping
In a pool of red
Not stirring, and not breathing
"I'm leaving now,"
she said

by Bekaboo
23/05/05
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 617 • Replies: 5
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neologist
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 May, 2005 08:38 am
Gulp!

Very sharp.

That's not like you; is it?
0 Replies
 
Bekaboo
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 May, 2005 01:41 pm
How do you mean it's not like me??

Well i've never walked out on someone who was bleeding to death... I've also never thrown things during a fight... well except my rubber at jon in math but that's allowed cos we're best mates hehe
0 Replies
 
AngeliqueEast
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 May, 2005 07:08 am
Nice one!
0 Replies
 
neologist
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 May, 2005 09:02 am
Nice avatar, Kiddo!
0 Replies
 
Bekaboo
 
  1  
Reply Fri 10 Feb, 2006 07:32 am
Sorry to drag this up... but I'd like some new opinions on it. We had an Open Mic night last night and I sang some stuff.... and next one I'm thinking about doing some of my poems. So what do people think of this? Good? Bad? Indifferent? Any lines you don't like? Snappy enough? And will people think I'm messed up hehe.... anyone who remembers me may well be aware I write some fairly nasty stuff but I think this might be uncontroversial enough to read...... Opinions?
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