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Thu 19 May, 2005 08:43 pm
To not feel any emotion
As I lay in your bed
Makes me wonder
What I thought we had
I used to love you
In my own little world
While you felt nothing
Distant and cold
Those nights I felt
We could've had it all
It was nothing to you
Or so you don't recall
Did you not tell me all your secrets
Or were they only lies
When I looked at you
I swore I saw passion in your eyes
Though I realize everything
As I lay in your bed
We never had anything
I thought we had
I see there was nothing
Only but a dream
From all these feelings
That had manifested in me
Hmmm i kinda start to like it... but to be honest it doesn't move me - there aren't any lines that jump out and grab me. I guess that could be because it's sort of a poem about uncertainty, so there can be no definite emotion.
I don't know... it could be a good poem but i tend to judge on my own emotion rather than the technical skill of the poem
It's an interesting poem. It rhymes but doesn't scan.
Perhaps if you'd not bothered too much with the rhyme but instead wrote all that you felt, the power of the emotion behind the words may have been stronger.
I see where you're coming from though and it's a clever poem with a good punchline.
Blarf... I loved the poem no matter what the critic's here say.. lookie beekaboo, I used my ' key!
Yeh and you used in in the wrong context
*points and laughs*
critics is a plural and has no apostrophe
Thanks for all comments from everyone, and I appreciate you guys stoppin' in for a read.
What's up T_J_P?
Not to much, just hangen' out... bein' bored as always... goin' to a concert tonight! What about yourself?
Sounds like fun...What concert?......Me, i've been quading all day, had a blast.....even though was covered in mud...haha...later
Oh, just a couple of local bands, and it reeeally rocked.. I can barely move my head, when Zero Ego came on stage it was nuts! I loved it, i've seen them once before and they RAWKED! There was 4 bands, 2 sucked, 2 rocked. It was a good time.... then the cops came and shut the show down and like 11 because the park closes at 11 and they decided they'd check do drugs, so we just left. IT WAS AWESOME!
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