are there pure relationships between male and female

ai--

Of course men and women can be friends without a sexual component. If someone is betraying vows of monogamy the fault is in the betraying individual/s not in the friendship.

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Noddy24 wrote:

ai--

Of course men and women can be friends without a sexual component. If someone is betraying vows of monogamy the fault is in the betraying individual/s not in the friendship.

Would it bother anyone here if their husband or wife had a very close frienship with a member of the opposite sex, and they did stuff like spend a lot of time alone together, hobbies, maybe trips together, and they were just very very very close friends?

Would it bother you at all? Not in the slightest?

Just wondering.

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I think if there ever had been a sexual or romantic component to the relationship - the new girlfriend or wife (or her male counterpart) might have trouble believing it wasn't still based on attraction and be bothered by the friendship. That has happenend to me as well. A person I was engaged to married someone else, and my male friend told me it was uncomfortable for her to have him talk to me and spend time with me. I respect that as well, and can understand those feelings.

But in a case such as Danny and I - his wife knows we're just two peas in a pod who like each other but don't want each other. I care for his wife's feelings and would never want to hurt her - so I do my best to include her in our talks and activities and try my best to make sure she's not excluded.

I'm going to France to visit a male friend of mine this summer to work at a work camp at an American school there. His wife is fine with it - she knows me, trusts him, and knows that we're both interested in the work and not each other. Yes, it can happen...

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Hey excuse me, but everybody has genitals.
Everybody has hormones.
Everybody is a sexual being.

If you go around pretending like they don't exist, then you will be forced to have "impure" thoughts and "impure" desires. But they are not impure, not in the slightest! Not even 1%.

You are yourself - with so many different interests, concerns, desires, and experiences. The best thing in my opinion, is to be able to acknowledge ... hey, I'm horny as hell ... or YOU are a beautiful, deeply sexual person ... and let it be. Just be with it, openly attracted, and still have a conversation about politics, science, or what's happening around town.

Everybody is sexual. The "impure" thing would be to deny it and pretend it's not there. The pure thing is to see it in all it's power, passion and glory, and to still do what we came here to do.

Does anybody care about each other? To respect who we are?

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Codeborg,

Please tell me you are like, a really hot girl over 21??? Twisted Evil

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I don't pretend that my sexual desires don't exist - but the truth of the matter is that my hormones don't react to every male I meet. Are you sexually attracted to every male you meet? Maybe I'm too picky - but there are plenty of males I've never had even a vaguely sexual reaction to.

There are also men that I have been interested in sexually initially, but when I get to know them, realize it wouldn't be good for one reason or another.

I allow myself to respond sexually when I want to - but I do have a kind of built in mechanism (maybe it's my conscience) that says that sometimes even when you want something - it's best not to go after it. I have learned from experience that sometimes the fleeting pleasure is not worth the lasting pain. And I do realize you can aknowlege an attraction without acting on it - but when you do acknowledge it - not all the time - but sometimes - if it's mutual - that aknowledgement is the first step in making something seem more possible - and you forget all the reasons why you thought it shouldn't be. But maybe that's just me.

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aidan wrote:

I think if there ever had been a sexual or romantic component to the relationship - the new girlfriend or wife (or her male counterpart) might have trouble believing it wasn't still based on attraction and be bothered by the friendship. That has happenend to me as well. A person I was engaged to married someone else, and my male friend told me it was uncomfortable for her to have him talk to me and spend time with me. I respect that as well, and can understand those feelings.

But in a case such as Danny and I - his wife knows we're just two peas in a pod who like each other but don't want each other. I care for his wife's feelings and would never want to hurt her - so I do my best to include her in our talks and activities and try my best to make sure she's not excluded.

I'm going to France to visit a male friend of mine this summer to work at a work camp at an American school there. His wife is fine with it - she knows me, trusts him, and knows that we're both interested in the work and not each other. Yes, it can happen...

aidan,

Nice, and I'm glad you can have that.

But I do notice it seems like its you with these guys who are married.
Thats nice.

This might sound bad, but: I've known some women like this. They see nothing wrong with being close friends with a lot of guys, sometimes the guys have girlfriends or wives, and they don't see any problem with spending a lot of time alone with the guys. They go "gosh I don't know what the girlfriend/wife's probem is."

But then suddenly when they get married, and their husband wants to do this with a female friend, they freak! tables are turned...

I am not making this up...

What I am asking is more like this:
YOUR husband has this really close female friend, she's attractive, he likes to spend a lot of time with her, they go on trips together, have a lot of hobbies together, talk a lot quietly together alone. But they are just friends.

Are you saying this would not bother you at all? Not a tiny tiny little bit? Just wondering.

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CodeBorg wrote:

Hey excuse me, but everybody has genitals.
Everybody has hormones.
Everybody is a sexual being.

If you go around pretending like they don't exist, then you will be forced to have "impure" thoughts and "impure" desires. But they are not impure, not in the slightest! Not even 1%.

You are yourself - with so many different interests, concerns, desires, and experiences. The best thing in my opinion, is to be able to acknowledge ... hey, I'm horny as hell ... or YOU are a beautiful, deeply sexual person ... and let it be. Just be with it, openly attracted, and still have a conversation about politics, science, or what's happening around town.

Everybody is sexual. The "impure" thing would be to deny it and pretend it's not there. The pure thing is to see it in all it's power, passion and glory, and to still do what we came here to do.

Does anybody care about each other? To respect who we are?

Codeborg,
Trying to see if I am understand you clearly.

So you are saying that if I'm married, and I meet a woman I'm attracted to, and she is attracted to me, and we feel like it, its fine to go for it?

And next week if I meet someone else, same thing?

And next week...every day as a matter of fact if the feeling is mutually there?

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My relationship with my husband is complicated - and too personal to go into here - but I will say that we know each other well enough and intimately enough to have moved beyond that initial "possessive" phase that breeds jealousy.
You know there are some people who play games and are dishonest. There are others who just don't. I think most women can tell the difference- no I won't generalize. I'll just say that I have learned how to. If I knew a woman was interested in my husband, and seemed dishonest and selfish enough to take what wasn't available to her, and I didn't trust my husband, I'd be worried. If I knew she might be interested - but had enough integrity not to want to hurt me or my children, and I trusted my husband - I wouldn't be worried. Simple as that. Depends on the situation.

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Extra medium - Some of the most sublime experiences I have ever had
were to TELL someone how attractive they are,
how beautiful, present, intelligent, aware, physical and sexual they are.

And to just sit with them.

"Going for it" is nothing, compared to "acknowledging it" and respecting each other just as we really are. It's huge!

Being WITH someone is 100 times greater than any orgasm I could ever have.

--------
PS - But I'm just a guy, so I must be an evil predator, huh?
Get over it and live your own life. Your mileage may vary ... and of course, it should.

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CodeBorg,

Thats cool.

In this area, I think I must have a warped perception that might be different than most people's:

For some reason, I have had a LOT of girlfriends in my life who liked to have a lot of guy friends.

But invariably, these same girls would get very MAD & JEALOUS if I had any friends that were female.

Bizarre. It happened like this repeatedly.

I wonder what that is all about? I really do. I mean, not all the gfs were like that.

But certainly a lot were.

Double standards. What is that?

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Manipulation.

The more you let it go, the more you can be yourself.

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what did u mean "Manipulation" Code ?

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extra medium wrote:

But invariably, these same girls would get very MAD & JEALOUS if I had any friends that were female.

Bizarre. It happened like this repeatedly.

I wonder what that is all about? I really do. I mean, not all the gfs were like that.

But certainly a lot were.
Double standards. What is that?

ai - I was observing that many people are manipulative. They spend a lot of energy trying to influence others, rather than letting each relationship be a unique and self-evolving process of discovery.

Many people are manipulative. Many people aren't.
I'm sure glad we get to choose our friends and how we want to be with them! :-)

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are there pure relationships between male and female

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