I'm alone and steadily drinking

Yikes - it's scary - but, it's good too.

Bek, I'll say this again: If this is empathy, I admire you. If this is your soul, I'm aching for you.

Well written but the jolly metre doesn't seem to match the subject. Makes it starker. Is that what you intended?

I was pissed off... I wasn't trying to write something good Cheers for the feedback guys (much better mood this morning by the way!!) - I may as well try to channel that negative energy into a GOOD poem!!

That's the beauty of poetry, it reflects our moods and we can use it as our confidante.

Look forward to reading something you write now you're feeling happier.

Yeah, I'd hate for you to meet Sammy Smack when you're feeling like that.

nice. it gets better with each line, but the last line is a let down. I think it needs a better conclusion.

Hmmm I'm tempted to agree

Anyone got a better rhyme for prostrate? I like that word...

hmmm Hell's Gate
succumb to hate
too late

Any other ideas?

"frustrate"?

polyunsaturate?

Shush you i've been writing synoptic essays about lipids at work... i don't need more of it at home!!

I think I figured out what this poem needs...

Beat me black, Beat me blue
I'll still smile when I look at you

Kiss me once, kiss me twice
Smack me four, and cut me thrice
Hold my wrist, slice my arm
I know you'll never bring me to harm

Gag my mouth, avoid my gaze
Convince yourself it's just a phase
Keep me silent, naked, prostrate
It's my fault, I made you hate

Lock me up, without light
Until I cry for food and water
Love you always, signed your daughter

I'm a great one for twists in the tail, stuh505, and you've sure found a twist with this version.

It works. We all know the phases kids go through and at times they can be impossible.

I like it. Well done.

I agree, very good! *clapping*

AE

I like this poem a lot
Masochistic and there's almost a revelry in being a victim a sick joy in handing your fate over to some else, at least that's what i get out of it, i think it comes from the idiosyncrasy of the metre and the subject.

I suppose one can also see some dry sarcasm here as well.

Now that's what i call deep emotional analysis