The importance of Small Talk

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I didn't see anything mentioned about this so i thought id bring it up. If it has already been discussed just send me a link to it.

People are categorized into social categories: Intraverts and Extraverts(I prolly spelled it wrong) im not sure if there is a name for whether you classisfy yourself as a thinker or a speaker, but i always enjoyed thinking over speaking. Im a senior now in HS and as a senior you feel you know the ropes now of hs, you have seen all the trends and lived out all the phases. What bugged me most about school though was the pointless small talk that kids shared. The common phrases of "Whatd you do this weekend?" or "How about this warm sunny day!" What bothers me is that i believe small talk's only purpose is to avoid the dreaded "awkward silence." By the name alone you can tell how silence in social standings is viewed. Think about how many times you ask someone something just because you don't want to be in a room alone with them and quiet. You don't give a **** about what their opinion is about the weather but you ask so that there is lingering sound in the air. I just finished 1984 by George Orwell and i think it would be awsome if you could view society without small talk. If the only things you were allowed to talk about were things of relevance to human kind or higher ideas. Such as the things talked about at this website. And inorder to make sure no one is engaging in small talk you have something similar to the thought crime police in 1984. Able to punish you if you are convicted of thoughtless speech. I think human kind would have a "Great leap foward," if we became constantly engaged in meaningful conversations. But after doing some research it seems small talk has more importance than it seems. David Weinberger says, "Small talk is part of the 'social grooming' that is required to create and maintain social bonds. Through small talk, people reveal contextual information that they couldn't otherwise share, particularly in a business setting. It's around the coffee machine that you're most likely to find out that your colleague was up all night with their sick child, which is why they looked like they were nodding off in a meeting."

I guess that makes sense so as much as i feel that small talk is phony conversation i guess in some circumstances it is useful.....>

What are your thoughts?

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"Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating."
-Joel (Jim Carrey), Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

That was the first thing I thought of when I read your post.

Nowhere more so than in high school did I really learn to hate small talk. It just seemed like such a boring chore to have to go over the same stuff with people who didn't care. Yet, I always found myself asking the same dumb questions that they asked me. Afterwards I would smack myself for facilitating this pointless "social grooming" display, as you called it.

I enjoy speaking, but small talk is reserved for people with which you have nothing in common. Case in point: my relatives. I rarely see them (there are a lot of them) and when I do they ask me these pointless questions. "How's school... How's your girlfriend... What are you going to do for a career.." ARGH it just ticks me off. So I try to look as bored as possible so that they'll pass me off to the next relative.

The worst part about it is that if you refuse to engage in this pointless conversation, the other person will be insulted. Why this is, I'll never know. That is why I think I'm going to have a flask of whiskey on my hip at all times. That way, in case of smalltalk emergency, I can just down it and in a couple of minutes I won't give a ****!

One thing about it... I've always enjoyed small talk with a pretty girl. Something about being attracted to someone makes it somehow easier to put up with all the crap. Although if you get a pretty girl that actually has something to talk about, that is the best.

Although I don't like small talk, I don't necessarily always enjoy talking about the "issues" or topics of importance. Sometimes its nice to talk about sports or women or funny things. It's also always easier to talk to people you know and like. There is a certain understanding that silence is ok. When two people allow a little silence, the general quality of the conversation goes way up. Making a broad generalization, I find that women are much more likely to engage in pointless conversation in order to avoid the "awkward silence" that you mentioned. Guys seem to have a much higher tolerance of silence than women. Not sure why this is so.

You asked for my thoughts, you got 'em! Laughing

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I very much agree with David Weinberger.

Small talk has many uses. It's something I'm very aware of because I'm deaf and small talk is about the hardest thing for me (lack of context, especially, small talk jumps around like crazy -- that's what makes it small), but I know the effects of not engaging in it.

I became deaf as a teenager, and while I could lipread quite well, one of the first things I noticed was that the freewheeling, often quite deep discussions I'd had with my best friend came to a screeching halt. We'd look at each other and say, "What do you want to talk about?" That's not how humans naturally approach conversation. A natural approach is more like this:

Person A: <walking along, observing people> Geez, that's a dumb haircut.

Person B: Heh. Remind me to never wear blue eyeshadow, OK?

Person A: Heh. Sure. What was Eileen thinking?

Person B: I dunno, maybe she was trying to be like retro and punk but she can't pull it off.

Person A: I know, it's like sometimes I put something on in the morning and look in the mirror and think it looks great and then I'm in math class or whatever and I'm like what was I thinking???

Person B: <laughs> I know exactly what you mean. I have such a conflicted relationship with fashion, I love it but I don't want to bother...

<deep conversation about self-image, confidence etc. follows>

This is vs.:

Person A: <walking along, observing people> Geez, that's a dumb haircut.

Person B: What?

Person A: Nevermind.

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How else would we get the good gossip? LOL! Just trying to be funny.
I also agree that small talk is important for people to bond. I'm not always in the mood for it and at those times, it can be a bit annoying. For the most part, I think it's a good thing :-)

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Hate small talk.

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Often, small talk serves as the oil and the glue to cement relationships, be they business, casual, or serious. One cannot constantly be spouting serious, relevent talk. It is the small talk that opens opportunities to get people to know one another, to learn about the personality of an individual, and in the case of business, the binding of the business relationships.

There is a old saying that more business gets done on a golf course, than in the boardroom. When people are relaxed, and just being "human" they are more likely to be open to what a salesperson or client is attempting to get across.

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Discreet
Discreet, I am impressed at the level of your thinking and perception as a high school senior. Congratulations on your achievement in being educated to learn to think. That is so rare these days in our public schools, especially with the "leave no child behind" motivation to teach to the tests, and not to think.

For myself, I have a very short attention span for small talk. I'm much more interested in conversation that is not shallow. However, I have different conversation relationships with different people. With my neighbors it tends to be small talk. With people I chose as friends, its a combination of small talk and serious talk.

If you were a fly on the wall while friends Dyslexia and Diane and I are having a dinner conversation, you might be astonished at the range of subjects we seem to tumble in to. It helps that the people know a lot about the subject matter, but its a wonderful opportunity to learn from them, too.

I've always been attracted to people from whom I can learn.

BTW, I think you would be a good conversationalist no matter what the subject.

BBB

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Phoenix32890 wrote:

Often, small talk serves as the oil and the glue to cement relationships, be they business, casual, or serious. One cannot constantly be spouting serious, relevent talk. I

Actually, small talk is a relatively insignificant part of business transactions.

When I talk about disliking "small talk"...mostly I am referring to that nonsense that seems to fill in every goddam minute of being with someone.

Whatever happened to an occasional silence?

How many times can the question, "So what's new?" be asked...and in how many guises?

And the most annoying are the people who actually TELEPHONE you to small talk.

Luckily...this doesn't happen often with me. Most of my friends and relative know enough to have a purpose in calling...and know they'd better get right to the point.

I do not small talk on the phone EVER!

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"Is this the Apisa residence?"

"Yes, whatta ya want?"

"How are you tonight, Mr. Apisa?"

"None of your goddam business how I am. Whatta ya want."

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Frank- That's 'cause you are a guy. Women are better at making "small talk", and that does not necessarily mean gossip!

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"If the next words outta your mouth don't inform me why you are calling...I am hanging up."

"I understand, Mr. Apisa."

CLICK!

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Frank- I was once told by a friend that she had a boss. He had a theory, that answering "Hello" on the phone was a time waster. He informed his staff that the way to answer a phone was, "Jones, here"

Were YOU the person she was talking about???

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Nope!

If I had been instructing, I would have suggested:

"What?"

But actually, I have been complimented in a couple of jobs on my phone answering technique.

My voice sounds friendly; I identify myself and my company slowly enough so that both can actually be heard; and I always add a "...and how can I be of service."

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Depends. Small talk with a stranger in the elevator...yes sure. It's something to do for the duration of the ride and you meet some really nice people that way.

With a close friend...no. You should have something more to say then "Nice weather eh?"

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When you take this site for example its great because you get to see everyone's reaction to a certain idea sometimes its nothing worth reading but other times you are enlightened with something someone said. These forums are good because most people don't talk about these issues. I would love a society where small talk was eliminated. I don't hate small talk and ill admit you often don't realize your engaging in it when its someone you like or are attracted to but it would seem so great to wake up every morning and hear 10 new ideas on a certain worldly idea. Maybe im wrong maybe in a society without small talk no one would have close relationships and no one would understand one another

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Small talk, in my never humble opinion, is one of society's necessary lubricants . . .

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will it open my girlfriends tight ass? Cause KY isn't working....

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i'm not good at small talk, but i'm also extremely introverted. there's strong correlation between those traits, i think. a point to consider is that not all communication is verbal; body language is important, for instance. maybe in the case of small talk, the nonverbal aspects are as important as the verbal. i also think small talk is an important social skill. even if you have something important to say, it's often more effective to put the audience in a receptive mood with an ice-breaker, rather than launching immediately into your main message.

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I was gonna say that, yitwail! Was getting long-winded so I left that part out. But we communicate not just through words but through body language and microexpressions -- small talk is in some ways the background for that kind of communication. Is this person in a bad mood? Good mood? Distracted? Tense? Attracted to me? Scared of me? Etc., etc.

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szb, you mentioned that you became deaf; that must have been really tough. if i became deaf, i wouldn't miss conversation all that much--i'm no great conversationalist to start with, and there's lip reading as you pointed out--but not being able to listen to music would hurt. i think music is one of the few human inventions that doesn't have any drawbacks. not that there's a ton of good music being produced these days, IMO, but actually listening to an old favorite isn't quite the same to me as just hearing it in my head. on the other hand, you can tune out the jabbering of people with cellphones, right wing talk show hosts, and so on, so you have some consolation. Smile

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The importance of Small Talk

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