the life cycle

Ok a couple of niggles before i start (i like to be honest)
1. You've changed test - even in the first stanza
when death was (i.e. simple past)
the victim now will (i.e. future)
and then even
and standing in it's place (i.e present)

Nothing you say will come across well if you're messing with tenses for no good reason

2. As far as i am aware (correct me if i am wrong) unbeknownst is not a word. Unknown yes, even unbeknown. But not unbeknownst - it just makes you sound like you're trying to sound smart and use big words.

To be honest... i'm not entirely sure what you're trying to say. I think you can right something good, but at the moment coming out with some WEIRD turns of phrase just to make it rhyme.

Personally i would advice just writing some prose, or something free from rhythm and rhyme, because at the moment you're just choking it.

Sorry if that feels brutal

sk8ergirl - Did I spell that right? Anyway, I liked your poem very much. I do agree with Bekaboo, that it works better if you keep it all in the present tense. The only real change I would make is to the first verse. Maybe something like:
"When death is lurking close behind,
unknown to its prey
The victim now will come to find
His (her) life is led astray.

I'll tell you why I would make those changes.
1) Unbeknownst is a proper word in American English (Bekaboo are you British?- I've learned there are quite a few real differences in the English that British people and American people speak). Although it is a word, and could work here, I think unknown flows better and communicates the same meaning.
2) You want to watch your "its". You used it's, which means- it is. You want to signify possession - that is just its - no apostrophe.
3)You need to use his or her instead of their. You are speaking of one victim, so you need to use a singular pronoun instead of the plural.

I LOVED the third verse. Absolutely perfect I thought. I liked the wording and flow of the whole piece. I like the thought that as one life passes- another comes to be- and the wisdom in that cycle. Really nice job!

Cheers aidan yes i do happen to be English - so i apologise for the criticism!!

Please have another go sk8ergirl - you have so much potential