A poem about a murder

I'm shivering

is that a good thing or a bad thing?

You are the author...should it make who ever reads it shiver? The point of poetry is to get your point across. To make the reader feel what you want them to feel.

Yes i am the author!

Well it is great the it makes you shiver, as the intention is to trasnfer emotion, but i did not mean it to be dark, but rather tragic. In the way that Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy that is scarry but sad, as I am actually murdering my dreams. Letting go off dreams seen as the worse crime of all.

Ah see i kinda interpreted that as you're dreaming about murdering somebody, and you feel it would be a crime not to act on it

oh wow i never thought that it could be interpreted that way. I guess that is why is good to get feeback. lol

I loved it man. I think I get your meaning. I took it as more of a dark tragedy. I mean you can only use the words kill, die, death, and murder so many times before it becomes a bit dark eh?

I also felt a bit of contradiction in there. Which leads to self destruction. Which, of course, would lead to the death of your dream.

Anyways I loved it. Good Job A+

Then you've done your job, at least partly. Everyone will come away with a little bit different perspective however, usually you want the reader to feel what you are feeling and understand what you are saying without actually coming out and saying it.

On the other hand, some poets write poems that can be interpreted in several different ways. And they never let on to what the real meaning is. This is a bit more tricky as you have to either really use a lot of metaphors and similes and the like, but keep it from being so obscure that no one can figure out what the heck you're talking about OR make a statement that conveys two or three seperate meanings. Understand?

Good start and keep writing!

Re: A poem about a murder
Ok, now for my analysis...



Basic statement. You will write down what you've done. Here. In this poem.



Did you mean "word or world" here? Either way, I think that shortening this line might help it out. It's a little wordy and hard to spit out. Read it out loud and it doesn't flow well. Maybe something like "In fantasy it ends, when in fantasy it began." Or something to that effect.



I like these lines.



I think you should omit the word "and" between "to kill my dream" and "it is my dream". Make two complete sentences.



Again, a little wordy. Perhaps omit "which is a dream and a nightmare" and replace with something simple like "Both a dream and a nightmare,"



Cured doesn't seem like the right word to use here. I don't understand these two lines. What are you trying to say?



See above for these two lines.



I like this but think it would be better broken up like this (for reading purposes):

And life shall come from death.
A new life.
My own.



Remove "My" . Perhaps, "The dreamer will die and I will be reborn."
The second line is contradictory to the first. The dreamer in you is going to die but you state that life without dreams is no life at all. Maybe the second line should be something like "Life IN dreams is no life at all."



But these are just one persons opinion.

Loved the comments!! thank you guys.

Perhaps i will post something else later!