BOXES LOOKING TODAY

BOXES LOOKING TODAY

I went through all my winter boxes looking
for tax information today. Bills and receipts,
paystubs, W-2's, 1099's, short trades and capital gains,
so I could start doing the last nine years
of tax returns someday. Someday soon.

Do you have a Passive Activity Loss Limitation
for Form 8386? Why or specifically, why not? Does your
Alternative Minimum Tax alternate or subjugate?
How to think straight? How shall I sign them all?
I put the papers together, everything aside,
clear, collected, and satisfied.
It'll have to wait.

I went through all my boxes looking today
for anything with highly charged spiritual content.
A hat that I worked in for a couple years, a stuffed
animal that reminds me of her, an origami
crane that a friend made, a piece of an
old sunflower face that I almost disgraced.

Charlotte, Julie, Anadi, Dela, singular words,
Jodie, Nancy, wishes turned, Thom, Tim, James,
and Tom. Natural evolution. A community of memories
wished and wished and drawn across my screaming
dream-spent years.

The struggle, whimsy, beauty and pain. I put
them aside, all the balance and appreciation
to remember in my life
into a wooden crate that I may carry with me
for the next few months in my car.
Some strength. To survive.

I went through all my boxes looking for a photo
today, a random memory card or magneto-optical disk
that may contain what is important in Life. Why?
Something that I searched for and maybe overlooked,
the quality of being that I always wanted.
Summer camp for the soul. Astronomy for the mind.

Dreams spent but not recognized.
She is still alive. Maybe not sane. Maybe not
happy. But alive. Somewhere north.

I went through all my boxes looking for
a clue today, while they were on their way to
a small storage locker by the frozen river. I may not
be in Tahoe a week or a month from now, so I have to
be sure. I throw away only the empty, useless things
and quickly move on.

I can give her warm strength and commitment, flowing,
and she can give me sweet, soft awareness and knowing joy.
If we make it that far, if we find what we have in
our movement, migration, growth, and dreams.
In Nature the elements choose themselves.
So I must scream.

I went through all my boxes today
one after the other and
I almost died.
Fingerprints
lost in the snow.









Be well, Ania ...
Please hold on.
-CB-