In preparation for the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, you’re probably seeing a lot of self-help articles about managing stress, dealing with unpleasant family members, and most importantly, making it through the day in one piece.
And while there’s no doubt that all of this advice is well-intentioned, sometimes, when the **** is hitting the fan and your uncle is being a sexist piece of garbage, you have to do something to regain control and remind yourself that you’re a badass bitch who no one can **** with. And there’s no better way to do that than serving an asshole a slice of truly homemade bread...leavened with the yeast of your own vagina.
But does such a recipe even exist? Yes, it does, thanks to feminist blogger Zoe Stavri, who, after getting a pretty bad yeast infection, had the inspired idea to turn her discomfort into delicious baked goods.
“Waking up on Saturday with the familiar itchy burny fanny, I giggled to myself, 'Maybe I could make bread with that,’" Zoe writes on her blog, Another Angry Woman. “And that ticked into, ‘Well, I’ve always wanted to try making my own sourdough anyway,’ and then a ‘****, would that even work?’ And then I got curious, and the next thing that happened was I was scraping white goop off of a dildo into a bowl of flour mixed with water.”
Zoe's curiosity led not only to her creating her sourdough starter recipe, but also to pissing off a very disgusted group of people on the Internet who believe that it is “unhygienic and unsanitary.” However, Zoe contends that, really, yeast is yeast. And yeast from her vagina is no less gross than any of the other yeast we use to bake bread with. “Making sourdough starter entails encouraging stuff that’s present in the flour and just sort of floating around in the air in your kitchen and on your utensils to grow,” she writes. “That’s what wild yeast is. ... Like all bread made with yeast, once it’s cooked, it’s not exactly going to go about colonizing your gut with yeast. The biggest risk with using candida albicans for bread making is that it won’t rise.”
Even though she didn't intend for her experiment to be any sort of feminist statement, Zoe also believes that the online outrage she’s receiving about her recipe are a blatant form of misogyny. “It probably doesn’t matter that my sourdough may or may not contain any actual vaginal yeast," she writes. "The very idea of it seems to horrify people more than enough. I suppose it’s a similar socially constructed disgust that leaves a whole bunch of people repulsed by the idea of licking a pussy. Even the mere idea of a tiny trace of pussy in a massive loaf of bread is sufficiently vile.”
True—there's no doubt that a certain type of man (definitely that uncle of yours) would be disgusted by this recipe. Which is why it's so important for every woman to keep it in her back pocket! Happy Thanksgiving!
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