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An Untimely Death

 
 
sanz
 
Reply Wed 16 Mar, 2005 06:50 am
A million little desires,
Surge in my heart,
Making me conscious,
Of their birth and growth.

Then with a sudden turbulence,
They well up in my eyes,
Flowing through the channels,
Of my once formed smiles.

Making me conscious ,
Of their untimely death.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 594 • Replies: 1
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DevilsCreation
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Mar, 2005 08:27 pm
I like the idea. The lines

Flowing through the channels,
Of my once formed smiles.

are particularly nice, however the sudden end confuses me a bit as you seem to be writing in verses but the last is suddenly half the length.

However, as I said, I like the idea. The interpretations will be varied and unique, which makes it interesting.
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