1
   

Dealing with mixed signals from a widower.

 
 
Reply Tue 4 Sep, 2018 03:07 pm
I am 52 y.o. divorced female. I have a neighbour that is a very sweet 57 y.o. widower. His wife died 2 years ago after a sudden 6 week illness. They were happily married and he has two step children. We are good friends and we have had many hours of heart felt discussions about everything under the sun. He has done a few little things for me around the house and we have spent many hours chatting a few beers (last time for 6 hours!). I have never met anyone that I feel so at ease with.

He has shared many intimate details with me and has introduced me to his kids and when I said my mother was coming to visit he expressed pleasure at being able to meet her. He was telling me about his best friend and said he looked forward to me meeting them. But he has told me several times he is not ready to date. I was supportive and agreed that if he isn't ready he should hold off. I really value his friendship but I would like to explore having something deeper when he feels ready. I want to respect his boundaries. But I am confused by his behaviour. He knows my work schedule off by heart, has casually bought me a couple of small gifts. Would I be too pushy if I suggested doing an activity together? I don't want him to feel pressured or that I have an " agenda"?
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 1,096 • Replies: 3
No top replies

 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Sep, 2018 03:21 pm
How long has this been going on ( your friendship)?

Sounds like something is developing, but not at the pace you’d like it to be.

Really, two years is not a long time .

Are you also dating others?
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Sep, 2018 03:36 pm
@Lucydog14,
Lucydog14 wrote:
But he has told me several times he is not ready to date. I was supportive and agreed that if he isn't ready he should hold off.


Quote:
I really value his friendship but I would like to explore having something deeper when he feels ready. I want to respect his boundaries.

I don't want him to feel pressured or that I have an " agenda"?


well
you've got an agenda

you want more than friendship

he's not ready to date

__

those don't things don't really work well together

you could try something like inviting him on a hike or something else that's fairly non-dateý, but with your hopes for a relationship it seems like there are so many ways for that to go wrong

you may have to start looking for relationship material elsewhere and accept that your neighbour is your friend. full stop.
0 Replies
 
Lucydog14
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Sep, 2018 03:44 pm
@PUNKEY,
I'm not dating anyone but I'm still looking around. We've been chatting for about 4 months. Yeah patience isn't my strong suit, even though I know I need to wait and also come to terms with the possibility it may not go any further. I've never had any guy be so open and vulnerable with me.
I'm worried about maintaining the friendship while leaving the door open for something else if he felt ready.
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

dating a widower - Discussion by Lorraine61
Somewhat Confused - Discussion by Wolf6
Dating widower - Discussion by Treehouse
Dating a Widower...Push and Pull Emotions - Discussion by Rosebud50
Dating a widowed man - Discussion by oursusanellen
Am I being Stupid? Wedding Ring? - Question by JaimeLynn
we moved fast.... - Question by malissadawn
Can he love again - Question by BeccaH
 
  1. Forums
  2. » Dealing with mixed signals from a widower.
Copyright © 2021 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.03 seconds on 05/13/2021 at 07:09:34