One Red Rose

I like it, nice verse.

like the scared/scarred

A couple small comments--

The comment about enriching soil sounds really out of place, although I understand what you're saying.

Also I'd like to see "blows" made singular because "winds" is plural.

Thanks Stuh, I appreciate your feedback.

I agree with your comments. I've made some minor changes to address them. Please let me know if this makes it read any better.

Thanks

One Red Rose

The fires raged within his soul
Burning those that ventured near
To find true love was his goal
Yet he lost all that he held dear
Accustomed to pain he had grown
Longing for someone yet unknown

A fleeting smile then passed his way
Touching his heart like none before
His spirits lifted by her shining ray
She left him wanting more and more
He desired to know the woman within
But was too scared and scarred to begin (removed he)

Yet sometimes life's turns are a surprise
And a ray of sunlight can suddenly appear
He saw this light in her bright green eyes
And felt it's warmth when she was near
After caressing his heart like none before
She wanted in, so she opened wide the door

The door to his soul, long since burned
Ashes and dust were all that remained
But old ashes enrich life's soil, he learned
His past well worth this new love he gained
The cold wind of pain no longer blows
For out of these ashes grew one red rose

actually I'm not sure I like your edits

the scared/scarred line previously was 1 syllable short of the rhyming sentence, and by removing he it is now 2 sentences short

I also think winds sounds better plural, sort of like "sands of time", "winds of pain" sounds better to me

Thanks again Stuh. Once again I agree with your comments. I have tried to tighten up the syllable count in a few places, but realize it's not exact in each case. I agree with the winds comment, but I like the way it sounds with blows vs blow, so I'm going to leave that rhyme intact.

One Red Rose

The fires raged within his soul
Burning those that ventured near
To find true love was his goal
Yet he lost all that he held dear
Accustomed to pain he had grown
Longing for someone yet unknown

A fleeting smile then passed his way
Touching his heart like none before
His spirits lifted by her shining ray
She left him wanting more and more
Though he desired to know the woman within
He was much too scared and scarred to begin

Yet sometimes life's lessonscan surprise
And rays of light can suddenly appear
He saw this light in her bright green eyes
And felt it's warmth whenever she was near
After caressing his heart like none before
She wanted in, so she opened wide the door

The door to his soul, long since burned
Ashes and dust were all that remained
But ashes enrich life's soil, he learned
His past well worth this new love he gained
The cold winds of pain no longer blows
For out of ashes bloomed one red rose


Thanks very much for your comments, after several posts here I believe that was the first bit of constructive input anyone has given me lol. Please feel free to critique any of my posts, as I am always striving to improve my writing.

ps, any thoughts on the title....I'm considering changing it to "Out of Ashes"

I don't think you should change it. One Red Rose fits a lot better than Out of Ashes...especially because the ashes line is my least favorite :p

Agreed...thanks again