The Tale of Mary Magdalene - Short Fiction

Edgar,

As you know I'm a Buddhist, and one who has a deep and abiding dislike for the Abrahamic religions. Knowing that, know also how powerful I think this story is. It isn't perfect, yet. Please let it simmer a bit on the back burner of your mind, and then re-edit -- just a smidgin. It's so close.

I prefer atheism, followed by Buddhism before Christianity. But that's just me.

Less than a dozen persons has bothered to even examine this work. I am considering taking my stuff off of this site.

i've been back twice for a re-read

Edgar,

I've read it with a proof reader's eye.

First of all the good stuff, it is a powerful story and I agree with Asherman's comments, its pretty close to the finished article, I liked it and thought it has great merit.

There are some very different perpectives here which will certainly alienate the traditionalists. I think your basic construction needs work, there are several very minor spelling mistakes, I also think etc.. should never be used in a serious piece of writing. Some of your phrasing is a little unusual almost like that of someone for whom english is not their first language, please forgive me for being blunt, I am sure that this is not the case. You need to re-read it and correct the small mistakes and re-post, with the next installment please-I can hardly wait to find out what happens next.

Please keep working on it, you have a talent and I for one would like to see how you progress with it.

Criticism I welcome. Rejection I can handle. But if I have to feel ignored it's entirely different. Thank you those of you who have responded or just looked in.

Edgar,

I know how you feel. Work takes time and effort, and the piece is like a child. You have great hopes. The kid goes out, and is never recognized for what you had hoped he would be. The child may go into the dark, but will forever be loved by Dad.

Must say I have a bit of envy for those whose poetry has such a ready audience. For a time there, it was thought that poetry somehow did not fit into modernity. Now, it is the tellers of tales who can't find a single reader. Keep posting stories so that I will know there is at least that one reader, who might value our children.

Thanks, Asherman. I have other stuff in the works. Most of it not particularly controversial.

:wink: Please share it Edgar, I would love to read more of your stuff.

If you would click on the link at the bottom of this post you will find an index of prose and verse that I have submitted since becoming a member.

Edgar, I am curious about the piece and curious about why you removed it. If you want people to be able to experience and appreciate your work, why remove it from where they can happen upon it and enjoy it?

Everyone finds different works at different times. Just because not a lot of people have found it yet doesn't mean that you're being ignored.

I would enjoy reading the piece, if you would like to send it to me. I would also be curious to learn why you pulled it, if you are willing to share that information with me.

Thank you.

[email protected]

Hi Edgar. Sorry I didn't get to see your piece. I hope you didn't remove it due to a perceived lack of interest or neglect. I approach this site and a couple of others in the vein "If I'm in town, I'll drop by". I in the process of taking the early hours of the morning to read some post and try as best I caqn to soak up the thoughts of others while I'm in town. I don't comment on a lot of what I read. It is not out of a lack of respect for the person who wrote it but, I just don't have a lot of productive insight to add beyond comments already made. I have enjoyed much of yourwriting in the past and assume I will continue to do so. I write a reasonable amount. Some bits of it I post. A good deal of that slides out into cyberspace without notice. So be it. Some of my less well written stuff should end up there. Some noted that you were "Almost there". Hell, my stuff has been almost there a hundred times. I assume that I'm not singular in my enjoyment of many of your pieces. I would hate to see a lack of critical acclaim (is that 2 c's?) deter you from posting or removing pieces that less than stellar. Keep posting!!

A note in review of my last post:

Those who are at all familiar with me will understand that it is of little or no value to note typo's on my part. For those of you that can hardly refrain from noting your annoyance please feel free to post with the understanding that it falls on deaf ears. I possess willing heart but have deaf ears non the less!

Edgar, I would be interested in seeing it, post it again or e-mail me, it's in my profile. I missed the original post...

I removed certain works because they fit in a long range plan to publish a collection of shorts, and for no other reason. Sorry I didn't make that clear. A publisher will not accept material everybody has already read. I will email any of it to interested members, starting this evening - the 29th of May.

I know what you mean Edgar. Ignored.
I noticed when I began to write here, that a few get "reads" but very little commentary.
Perhaps I should not feel this way, I AM not ONLY taking 'work' but self too.
My work SELLS. But it is not as gratifying as having friends who will listen to you.
If I had ANY critique to pass along to you, it is- 'be true to yourself, no matter what others think of your spacing, rhyming, colloquialisms-
any style that feels GOOD to you.'
Polishing and correcting punctuation is frequently in order as we edit our pieces, but the rough draft almost ALWAYS spills out the soul, WHEN YOU ARE TRUE TO YOURSELF.
Good luck with your writing.
Ms. Blanchard

Thank you, jackie. I complained in a moment of weakness. I have since regretted it. As I stated on an earlier post, that had nothing to do with my removing the story. I have had very mixed feedback on this one, but I will never make any changes to it that I do not feel improve it.
Last month I submitted this piece to the Writer's Digest Criticism Service. I was informed that the writing is "almost lyrical", that it is strong and evocative. The reviewer had difficulty following some transitions and he felt that the introduction of the satanic figure was too abrupt. He did not understand the resolution. He recommends working toward "coherence", calling it a "fine concept." I can see where some readers might get lost, but, I intend only minimal changes in that direction. If it remains obscure, so be it.
I also had submitted the same work to Glimmer Train Stories. In a personal note, the editor said they enjoyed reading it; however, they would not publish it; I was invited to send more stories for consideration.
I intend one final revision and then to set it aside for possible inclusion in a collection I hope to publish in the future.

I put it back. Decided to concentrate on my other work and not worry with this one.