if the shadows did not hide your corpse

so things do fall apart
the centre did not hold.
I vacillate between love and hate
came to rest on the vast wasteland of indifference
Greys, dead blues and washed out eroded browns
populate my heart land in the form of
depressed torment, no real lament here
regret regret regret

hung myself from your noose
but the rope snapped
you still sway from the rafters
occasionally kicking or gasping
you like the tightening around your neck
you pray for a slow death
a painful death
one where you can begin to rot
while still alive you attract all the flies

as I get up and
stagger down the corridor
into the steely world outside
a monochrome tonal sea
but it's calmer then the palette
of violent blood, biliary, bile, addiction
anguish, frustration and loneliness you
paint your existence with.

I'll survive some where
out amongst the taupe
there's a slice of hope
encrusted in jade and
amongst the stone there's
shards of rosy rebirth

Sometimes I'll remember you
if only to remind me
of how machismo
often hides insecurity
if you only saw yourself swaying
in the shadows; if only.