Grappling with destiny..

As any of you who have recurrent cancer, know.There are changes happening, even those who are in the first round can experience this.It's much like going up and down.For me, I tried everything, conventional treatment and unconventional treatment.I wanted to try anything that would have let me face this beast.

So, I did everything I could find.I did the conventional treatments; I did surgery, chemotherapy, herbs, and diet.I also did acupuncture, and soul searching.I was trying every hope.The bottom line, it has been a good spiritual journey for me.Maybe, it could be numinous, but it was an important part of my experience.

I found that when I was at periods of rest, I felt that I was facing the cancer moving in my body.Then thoughts would come and I would say, " I did this right, and I did that right, that's why I'm here".Then after a while it would come back again.This time I'd say, " well, I didn't this right, and I didn't that right".The questions came again and again, and for me I found them deepening questions.That's why I considered it a spiritual journey.

To give you a perspective on me, I was what it call a human doing.I trained myself to be busy all the time.I was good at solving problems with my mental abilities.That was part of our culture.In a sense, you can think of it as masculine doing, expressive.I was relying on that in my life, and it had done well with me...

continue later..

The original by Merrily Bronson