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Thu 26 Apr, 2018 12:46 pm
Hi All!
I really need some advise. My husband and I are avid road trip takes and adventurers. We love being able to car camp in remote places, pull off at random stops, take hikes when we see pretty places, and try new restaurants along the way. We have a Honda Pilot that holds all our camping gear, large cooler, and full size air mattress so we can sleep in the car. We just got married this past October, and with me having a new job because we moved to a new city, I don’t have a lot of vacation time, so what I have, I want to spend being together with my husband.
My best friend found out we were going to be heading to CO in October. Partly to celebrate 1 year of marriage, and another to visit a friend of mine from college who my husband hasn’t met yet. It’s a 15 hour drive from our house to his and I’m really looking forward to that 1 on 1 time with my husband. My best friend, MOH and also a mutual friend of the friend in CO found out about this trip and invited herself along. She’s very aware that we usually camp or sleep in our car, and has even been at my home when we’re unpacking.
I figured she was going to take her own car, and even offered to have her drive behind us and caravan our way out. She’s mad at me now, and said that she either wants to drive with us in one car, or wants my husband to drive the pilot and I would drive with her. I don’t want either of these things. She tends to be moody which makes it extremely uncomfortable. I took a two hour trip with her once and was ready to crash the car lol. She groans and moans if my husband and I are affectionate, doesn’t understand that I don’t want her sleeping in the front seat while we’re sleeping in the back on an air mattress. The whole idea makes me extremely uncomfortable.
We’ve been best friends for over 10 years, and she’s been with me through everything. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I wish she just wouldn’t come at this point… What can I say without being mean?
@Sixty9dustergurl,
Sixty9dustergurl wrote:What can I say without being mean?
You tell her you are going on your anniversary trip with your husband. If she would like to meet you at your destination for a meal, she's welcome to do so.
Just keep repeating that this is your anniversary trip with your husband.
I would suggest rescinding the offer to caravan together. Be honest , tell her you need and want the time alone with your husband. Don't tiptoe around it.
If she's not good with it, she is not a friend, let alone best friend.
@Sixty9dustergurl,
She doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.
Tell her no.
Sorry, you can't accommodate her.
Offer no other explanation. You don't need to. Let her pout like a child.
@Sixty9dustergurl,
Sixty9dustergurl wrote: She’s mad at me now, and said that she either wants to drive with us in one car, or wants my husband to drive the pilot and I would drive with her.
Maybe I didn't explain that this is our anniversary trip. we're going to have some fun alone time for a few days.
We could maybe get together for a meal with you in (destination city) if you decide to go there at the same time.
___
Full stop.
she doesn't seem to understand that your primary relationship is with your husband now, not with her. she's behaving like a jealous kid. be really really direct with her. no apologies, no dancing around it.
@Sixty9dustergurl,
What everyone else said above.
And
Quote:What can I say without being mean?
She's the one being mean. Anyone with reasonable intelligence would realize they would be a third wheel
Quote:She’s mad at me now, and said that she either wants to drive with us in one car, or wants my husband to drive the pilot
That is way overstepping bounds - it sounds like she is demanding how she wants this trip done - but is yours and your husband and your anniversary to boot.
I think she is taking advantage of your kindness.
Thank you - everyone! I'm glad that I'm not the one being mean in this situation. I really appreciate the input - now if only I can find the nerve lol
@Sixty9dustergurl,
Good God you're not being mean.
And be strong!
@Sixty9dustergurl,
There is absolutely nothing mean about wanting to spend time alone with your husband on an anniversary trip. It is good and healthy.
Have a great time with your husband!
@Sixty9dustergurl,
You’re doing fine but you must learn that you’re not being mean when you set boundaries with situations like this . She hasn’t an understanding of what is appropriate. A mature friend would never put you or herself in this situation. Asserting yourself is not being mean in the least. Sadly she is being manipulative, consciously or not.
@Sixty9dustergurl,
Be Straight. Be clear.
She is your friend doesnt means she is free to do anything.
Be careful these friends are really clever they may spoil your relationship.
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