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Mon 24 Feb, 2003 06:00 pm
And God Said To Me
"Stand alone and conquer all. Whisper not the raging scream."
(Secret exposure of thoughts, and a life sifting hourly though a waking dream.)
Discretion too much, non-existence not enough -
A dry, peaceful spot in a sea that is full and is rough.
Disguised incense, drifting ever to Heaven,
Speaks the unspoken, all requests granted, touched on with leaven.
No cave deep enough nor the seas though thick and dark,
Can escape the "third eye" of Heaven, of those secrets souls keep.
All is exposed of the slate of mankind,
The witness denied the cleaning cloth - withheld that is, until the right time.
The gathering of freedom, so sparse and so bare,
Causing spiritual tears to flow from one who does care.
The yoke of aloneness in a world, whose time of fullness has come,
Taken off completely by obeying love, adding richly to the soul's sum.
Strife surrounding the solitary, noise and confusion too,
Yet not one touches whose soul is bared true.
True to God only and to the self of course,
The smelly stink of battle drifts away - then between us, a silent discourse.
The future is not mine, yet it is and is not,
Flesh judges me by what I have and have not.
Time irridescently here and forever, sifting hourly through a raging scream,
So I whisper not lie's truth, yet speaking with incense, unto Heaven's waking dream.
And God said to me:
"Stand alone and conquer all. Whisper not the raging scream."
Truemale
Copyright 2003 "Truemale"
Hmmm....
I appreciate some of the phrasing, though I found it lacked a consistent rhythm.
Sadly, there is no God. Would that there were.
truemale, that's excellent! Thanks for sharing.
Muerte...perhaps if one see WHAT was said instead of HOW it was said, a different perspective might arise
Peace be with you.
T.
Chatoyant...Thank you...It's what I DO...
Truemale, I agree with muerte. As much as I like some of your expressions, I find it very hard to read your poems because the lines are too long and the words just do not flow easily.
FYI, HOW you say something can be just as important as WHAT you say.
Rhymed words do not a poem make
Nor lofty thoughts an ode
No worthy writer shall forsake
A measured meter mode
If you have rhythm in each line
And let no verse run free
Your fans will find your prose divine
And call it poetry
Here are the basics of meter, if you are interested in improving your poetry:
http://www.gemstone.net/etimes/et4/trickso.htm
Terry & Meurte -
I can't help but sit here with a grin on my face...without sarcasim (sp) of any sort towards either of you, but please allow me to explain....
I was a member of another site like this one and frequently submitted poems WITH rhymes - and was criticized for my rhyming. Not because of the content but because they DID rhyme, but the "Others" wanted more of a NON-rhyming tecnique but still SAID something.
So, after about 100 poems, I switched up until the criticism got entirely out of hand. (Personal emails type...) So I dropped out.
Thinking that was the current style, I continued into this site. Now I am (polietly, of course...) criticized for NOT rhyming....
Sheesh...Good ol' Abe was right...."You can please some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all the people all the time."
No offense intended and of course, no harm done on this end. Just thought you might like to know why I am grinning...
T.
P.S. This IS the "original writing" site and NOT the "poetry" site, is it not???
truemale, perhaps we did not make ourselves clear. It doesn't matter whether or not your poems rhyme.
What distinguishes poetry from prose is rhythm, a regular pattern of stressed and unstressed syllables that makes reading the poem a delight to the ear. You do not have to use a traditional pattern such as iambic pentameter or stick to the same meter throughout your poem, but there should be a musical beat that will resonate with your readers.
There are no hard and fast rules, but couplets generally have the same kind and number of feet in each line. Try reading some of the classics and then read your own poems out loud to get an idea of what a difference meter makes.
I think Terry articulated my perspective quite completely. No ill intended at all, please understand. I assumed you wanted feedback.
truemale, I think Terry and muerte are trying to be helpful with their feedback and I hope you don't feel insulted.
I do some writing, mostly poetry, but I rarely ever let others see it, mainly because it's usually very personal. Usually when I write, it's an outlet for me and helps me through tough times. I think you should write in whatever style feels best to you, whether it's rhyming or not, long lines or short ones. My writing varies according to my mood. Just be yourself when you write. Oh, and keep on grinning!
Stone walls do not a prison make?Good grief, my friends. Once more, to quote Langston Hughes, "Theme from English B".
If it comes out of you, it will be true.
Hey, Trueman, Shakespeare did erotic couplets in iambic pentameter
His lesser characters he let speak in prose.
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