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Why do people get mad when I look up to them?

 
 
Reply Thu 1 Mar, 2018 12:21 pm
I worked at a fast food joint for 2.5 years. A few months ago, I lost that job bc my supervisor got mad at me for looking up to her. She started out liking me and was real nice to me, just like everyone else I’ve ever looked up to. Also like everyone else I’ve looked up to, she eventually turned on me and permanently walked out on me.

What did I do exactly? During the last several months, I went in to work on my days off once or twice a week just to see her. I also always stayed at work after I clocked out at the end of my shift just bc my supervisor was still working. But it was only for a maximum of 2 hours after my shift ended. The last straw happened when she was talking to the district manager about work stuff and I physically followed. I sat at an adjacent table to theirs. Why the hell would these make her mad?

So I reasoned with her saying that other people look up to her and she reacted positively. She said they leave after their shift. They don’t come in on their days off just to see her. I kept arguing so she called corporate and they let me go.

I’m just glad I have a 2nd job to fall back on. I been there over 5 years and currently don’t look up to anyone there, so I have no problems. They all accept me there. Why can’t that fast food joint accept me as well and keep me as long as my current job had?
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 4,830 • Replies: 84

 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Thu 1 Mar, 2018 12:25 pm
@darkangel1720,
darkangel1720 wrote:
A few months ago, I lost that job bc my supervisor got mad at me for looking up to her.


you lost your job because you didn't behave appropriately

do your job
do it well
go home
darkangel1720
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 1 Mar, 2018 12:27 pm
@ehBeth,
What exactly was inappropriate? Not only did I lost my job, but I’m not even allowed in the store as a normal customer!
ehBeth
 
  5  
Reply Thu 1 Mar, 2018 12:37 pm
@darkangel1720,
darkangel1720 wrote:
During the last several months, I went in to work on my days off once or twice a week just to see her.

I also always stayed at work after I clocked out at the end of my shift just bc my supervisor was still working.


The last straw happened when she was talking to the district manager about work stuff and I physically followed. I sat at an adjacent table to theirs.


every one of those behaviours is inappropriate

each one is slightly creepy and stalkerish

all three?

not good

___

do your job

do your job well

go home
ehBeth
 
  4  
Reply Thu 1 Mar, 2018 12:38 pm
@darkangel1720,
darkangel1720 wrote:
but I’m not even allowed in the store as a normal customer!


they were concerned about your stalker-like behaviour
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  5  
Reply Thu 1 Mar, 2018 12:46 pm
@ehBeth,
All of this.

Look up to someone at work? That's great. Do so during working hours, do your job well, and then go home or anywhere else because you are done for the day. Your supervisor had to do her job and not corral you, explain you away, or otherwise deal with you. She had other issues and you were getting in the way. And, as ehBeth said, also behaving in a stalker-like fashion.
darkangel1720
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 1 Mar, 2018 01:12 pm
@jespah,
Stalking is a very serious word. So is creepy. And obsessed. People had described me with all 3 words.
neptuneblue
 
  4  
Reply Thu 1 Mar, 2018 01:19 pm
@darkangel1720,
Being thought of as mentor is a great feeling. Teaching and molding a young, inexperienced mind is always something to strive for. Having said that, having that young person not learn from the advice given or subsequently, argue their position as an equal and not a subordinate would make that relationship uncomfortable.

When you come in on your days off or stay after your shift, you became a distraction to the manager on duty. Not only does the manager have to watch the business and supervise the working employees, she now has to babysit you and watch that you don't get hurt on company time, and not do any work that you don't get paid for.

When you sat down during a meeting adjacent to your manager and district manager, you failed to take in account they could be talking about how to re-evaluate the staff, cutting hours, increasing hours, who to fire or who to promote. All that information is supposed to be confidential.

You need to learn to maintain a healthy business relationship versus a personal relationship. You can ask a mentor how to calculate a employee FTE model to further your knowledge in staffing hours for the business. But you ask a personal friend for advice about something other than work or to go to the movies with you.

In other words, you treated you mentor as a friend, not as a respected person whose experience and knowledge who you value. Next time, make sure you know where your place is in the chain of command. (Hint: not management)

darkangel1720
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 1 Mar, 2018 01:31 pm
@neptuneblue,
Before my supervisor ever got mad, a few of my coworkers already called me out on my behavior. For instance, one particular day, I came in on my day off the 2nd time within the same day. My coworker b*t ched that I should leave. When a brand new girl called my coworker out on being rude to me, my coworker replied, “she just wants to bother [supervisor].”

Another time, right after work, I got called to my campus to meet with someone. After I met with him, I immediately returned to my workplace just bc my supervisor was still working. A coworker asked me why I’m back, which I ignored. An hour later, my supervisor said to go home, which I did but only AFTER I walked her to her car as she was also leaving. As I was walking her to her car, I asked her if she work Wednesday, the day I was scheduled.

Her: yes
Me: good. I was worried.
Her: why?!
Me: cuz I wanna work with you.

Was that wrong?
darkangel1720
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 1 Mar, 2018 01:34 pm
@neptuneblue,
And she and I used to joke around and talk about non work related stuff, the way she does with everybody. But I’m the one she eventually rejected for admiring her.
neptuneblue
 
  3  
Reply Thu 1 Mar, 2018 02:00 pm
@darkangel1720,
You are confusing being "friendly" to "friendship."

A good supervisor is one that takes an active interest in who you are as a person as a means to create a positive work experience. A happy worker is a productive worker! But you took that to mean your boss is a good friend of yours and that simply just isn't the case.

Your co-workers tried to get you to realize to back off but you didn't listen. It probably seemed like you were trying to suck up to the boss to get better hours or pay. And that just doesn't sit well with others.

Again, retain a professional distance from supervisors. They have a job to do and most probably their own family to worry about. It seems to me, you wanted more of a mother figure than actually learning how to become a shift leader/management.

If you want a friend, ask a co-worker to an event or movies or whatever.
darkangel1720
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 1 Mar, 2018 02:10 pm
@neptuneblue,
Yeah I hung out with coworkers outside of work before. It was company policy not to allow managers to hang out with crew members, only each other. I'm sorry other people thinks I'm infatuated with my supervisor because that is simply not the case!
neptuneblue
 
  5  
Reply Thu 1 Mar, 2018 02:44 pm
@darkangel1720,
If you knew that was company policy to not hang out with managers and after being told by your coworkers, why did you keep going back into work when you weren't scheduled?
chai2
 
  6  
Reply Thu 1 Mar, 2018 02:48 pm
@darkangel1720,
darkangel1720 wrote:

Stalking is a very serious word. So is creepy. And obsessed. People had described me with all 3 words.


So what does this tell you?
darkangel1720
 
  -2  
Reply Thu 1 Mar, 2018 03:38 pm
@neptuneblue,
Hang out means going to the mall or movies, or at least thay's what I thought. I never knew it included hanging out at work on my days off.
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Thu 1 Mar, 2018 03:42 pm
@darkangel1720,
Find other things to do on your days off.

Most people do chores, meet friends, rest, exercise, do a hobby, or go to appointments - all of those things are away from their places of employment.
0 Replies
 
TheSubliminalKid
 
  3  
Reply Thu 1 Mar, 2018 04:59 pm
@darkangel1720,
This is the creepiest shite I've read in a long time.
Jesus Christ mate like...
How did you even last five years?
It doesn't sound like you "looked up to her" - this is stalker behaviour and she most likely felt very uncomfortable/intimidated by your behaviour.

Like, seriously?
How can you not see how utterly disturbing your behaviour obviously was?

Bloody hell if I weren't sitting down I would need to sit down.
darkangel1720
 
  -2  
Reply Thu 1 Mar, 2018 05:07 pm
@TheSubliminalKid,
I lasted only 2.5 years at that fast food joint. On the other hand, I been here 5 years at my current retail job bc I ain't look up to anyone here.
TheSubliminalKid
 
  4  
Reply Thu 1 Mar, 2018 05:12 pm
@darkangel1720,
Dude you're not "looking up to them".

You're acting massively inappropriate and creepy and in a way that was clearly unwanted.

The problem isn't with them - it's with you. Realise you have a problem and deal with it.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Thu 1 Mar, 2018 06:02 pm
@darkangel1720,
darkangel1720 wrote:
But I’m the one she eventually rejected for admiring her.


that is not the problem

the problem is your inappropriate behaviour

do you have a job coach you can talk to about this?
 

 
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