What do you think of this?

I love the poem itself. But the title is a tad odd. I mean the whole poem grabs at you from start to finish! As I read more, it seemed more overwhelming. But it deserves a better title. In my own opinion ^.^

Very good! I agree with TJP regarding the title...seems to demand something with a little more punch....

A couple that came to mind:

White Powder, Black Hole
White Death

What do you think of this?
Thanks guys for the honest opinion, I was going to title it "Cocaine" but it just seemed a little too blunt. "White Death" has potential do you have any other suggestions?

Call it "Candy Sugar" or "Snow White" both slang/street terms for powder cocaine.

Or if you want "Electric Kool-Aid" which is a slang/street term for crack cocaine.

All good ideas Bella

another thought....A Darker Shade of Snow

I liked the poem, deff. caught my attention and kept it throughout.

I felt that the repetitive "before you know it" line makes the last one less powerful...but then again...it may take away from the poem to change it- I just thought that the "before you know it i will take you life" would have more gusto if it was the only one like it. But just a thought.

I agree about the title. I thought your first choice was fine- but i really like the "White Death" "Snow White" & "A Darker Shade of Snow" titles. But the title is up to you- you are however the creator.

now, gramer corrections (which might simply be typing errors)

...I will eat you(R) heart and...

and....
"before you know it you will be all mine.".....

now in this one- i thought the flow of the line was interrupted by the amout of words....but once again- just a thought. Some sugestions i had are.... "before you know it you'll be all mine" or maybe "before you know it you will be mine." I just thought it sounded better that way when i read it outloud. Still....i think the poem is VERY good. But those are just a few things i thought of.

I only look closly at poems i enjoy- So i hope i didn't offend you.

I can't relate to the poem personally- but i have family members that this would strike home to. So thank you for sharing. It reminded me of one of my fav. songs- "Eye of the hurricane"

What do you think of this?
Hey thanks kendrajean for your input I will definitely take your advise and change that line to "Before you know it you'll be all mine". And don't worry you did not offend me, I take it as a complement that that someone took time out of their day to read and comment on my work, thanks. The way that I relate to the poem is I have seen that damage that it has done to friends, family members and neighbors. I slimed down their stories that they have told me to a couple of lines each.

1.) I pepersonallynow a guy by the name of Gaspar that liliterally stays up for days on coke bibinges he could start on Friday and not sleep till Sunday, he won't eat, he won't sleep, he won't stop, it swallows him whole.

2.) I had a neighbor by the name of Robert that got so hooked on it he lost all prospective in life, all his money went into coke, he lost his job and his home.

3.) I have an uncle who got so hooked he did not care about anyone or anything other than the drug, it has made him so blind, he has practically lost most of his friends because of it.

4.) I had a friend named Mario who got hooked, all of his money went into the drug. He lost his home, his wife left him, his family was so tired of him they gave up. So, he gave up and hung himself in his back yard.

But, on a lighter note thanks for the input and your suggestions, they are very much appreciated.